Bite my head off but i have to get this out!

coronado11

My sister! My 17 year old who cares about nobody but herself little sister! She urks me to no end! She was my first bridesmaid. It was a given. Shes my only sister. She doesn't care in the least about my wedding. I know i know she isnt required to but shes my damn sister! I just spoke to her AGAIN about it being down to wire to start looking for her dress. I gave them a color and length and let them choose whatever they wanted in whatever store to fit their bodies and budget. She turns 18 in a few weeks and long story short our family is wacko! The money my mom gets is "all hers" according to sister. My mom and sister have a horrible realationship and my sister walks all over my mom and my mom lets her. So my sister takes all the money leaving my mom literally nothing. I expressed my concern on how my mom was supposed to buy her dress (sister) as well as her own and probably my brothers suits (23 y/o jobless walking me down the aisle) and she says "there adults im not worried about them" ok i get that. I ask "what about yours? Mom cant buy your dress if you have all the money?" Her reaction "if I have money ill buy it I need stuff too" "your wedding isnt that important" She is rude and ungrateful beyond my expression. I cant even explain! She has lived with me since I moved out on my own and just recently moved out. She is ruthless. I try to be nice and I was probably going to pay for her dress anyway but she treats me like crap. Why should I? It would be no dust off her precious little shoulder is she isnt in the wedding. Its important to me but not to her. Im on a tiny budget. Why do i always have to go out of my way to make princess happy when she makes others so miserable. UGGHH!
End Rant!

LondonLisa

Just take her out shopping one Saturday and pick out a dress together, end of story. If you have to buy it to have it over and done with, so be it.

She is 17, and it seems like all of the adults around her are acting like children. No wonder she is acting up. 

chibiyui

Either you buy her a dress, or you leave it up to her. If she doesn't buy a dress, she isn't in the wedding.

Jen4948

Just tell her, "If you don't get the dress, that's up to you, but it means you won't be in the wedding."

Then leave it at that-and if she doesn't get the dress, she's not in the wedding.

OliveOilsMom

coronado11 said:

My sister! My 17 year old who cares about nobody but herself little sister! She urks me to no end! She was my first bridesmaid. It was a given. Shes my only sister. She doesn't care in the least about my wedding. I know i know she isnt required to but shes my damn sister! I just spoke to her AGAIN about it being down to wire to start looking for her dress. I gave them a color and length and let them choose whatever they wanted in whatever store to fit their bodies and budget. She turns 18 in a few weeks and long story short our family is wacko! The money my mom gets is "all hers" according to sister. My mom and sister have a horrible realationship and my sister walks all over my mom and my mom lets her. So my sister takes all the money leaving my mom literally nothing. I expressed my concern on how my mom was supposed to buy her dress (sister) as well as her own and probably my brothers suits (23 y/o jobless walking me down the aisle) and she says "there adults im not worried about them" ok i get that. I ask "what about yours? Mom cant buy your dress if you have all the money?" Her reaction "if I have money ill buy it I need stuff too" "your wedding isnt that important" She is rude and ungrateful beyond my expression. I cant even explain! She has lived with me since I moved out on my own and just recently moved out. She is ruthless. I try to be nice and I was probably going to pay for her dress anyway but she treats me like crap. Why should I? It would be no dust off her precious little shoulder is she isnt in the wedding. Its important to me but not to her. Im on a tiny budget. Why do i always have to go out of my way to make princess happy when she makes others so miserable. UGGHH!
End Rant!

I think you need to step away from your family.  They sound a bit crazy and making you stressed out.  Don't worry about any of their attire for the wedding.  It will only reflect on them if they cannot be dressed accordingly.  As for sister, if she does not have her dress by the wedding, she has taken herself out of the wedding.

Remember, your sister is 17.  She's a teenager and all they think about is themselves and how they are old enough to decide things on their own. It's not up for you to decide how your mom and sister interact with each other and if your mom wants to give your sister her money, that's on her.

Stop talking about the wedding with your family.  I'd probably offer to help your brother purchase a nice outfit to walk you down the aisle.  Nice pants, a button down shirt and a tie.  That shouldn't cost too much.

zitiqueen

Take your sister's behavior on the day before you asked her to be a BM and compare it to her behavior on the day after you asked her to be a BM. Has it changed?

HaileyDancingbear

Honestly, vent on here and get your frustrations out, but don't let it continue stressing you out.  If your mother and sister can't get their shit together enough to dress themselves properly, that's on them.  

If your sister shows up in the wrong dress, she's removed herself from the WP- her ONE JOB is to get the dress and wear it.  If she can't even do that one thing that's on her, she's turning 18 soon and she needs to start acting like a grown-up.  Buying one dress is not that hard!

 As for your mother, again, if she shows up underdressed for her own daughter's wedding, that's only going to reflect badly on her, not you.  If your sister and mother want to make asses of themselves, let them.  You have much happier things to focus on- you're getting married!  

coronado11

Thanks ladies! I feel better now. They just piss me off so bad! FI is always telling me to cut the cord but I just feel so bad the way they are and take it upon myself to help which isnt my responsibility. Sister came to my house this morning. She said she was frustrated and started crying. Until the next time i know. Ill keep my distance.

tammym1001

My nieces are 16 and 17. Every day my sister calls me to tell me how ungrateful and spoiled they are and how they don't appreciate anything that she does for them. I tell her the same thing that I'm going to tell you. They are teenagers. It is how teenage girls are. The whole world revolves around them at that age. They are too young to understand how the real world works, but old enough to want to be able to do whatever they want. It's frustrating, but they will eventually grow out of it. 

coronado11

I know she will and i do love her she just frustrates me. I had to vent. Thanks for all the advice.

BMoreBride6

tammym1001 said:

My nieces are 16 and 17. Every day my sister calls me to tell me how ungrateful and spoiled they are and how they don't appreciate anything that she does for them. I tell her the same thing that I'm going to tell you. They are teenagers. It is how teenage girls are. The whole world revolves around them at that age. They are too young to understand how the real world works, but old enough to want to be able to do whatever they want. It's frustrating, but they will eventually grow out of it. 

Can't say I agree with that.  They act that way because they are permitted to.  Anytime I started acting like that, my parents just simply stopped doing things for me.  It knocked it out of my really quickly.  Your sister doesn't have to put up with their behavior.  And when people are permitted to act that way, many of them don't grow out of it.  Take many of the special snowflake brides around here...

emilie250

What a terrible situation. Your sister isn't an adult yet, but she's older enough to "get" that she needs to buy her dress; and your mother should be able to manage her finances to buy herself a dress and help her unemployed son. It seems like you're trying to hold everything together but it's not working - and it's probably something that happens at other times as well, not just during wedding planning. Take care of yourself in all of this and remember that yes they're your family, but that doesn't mean you have to become so enmeshed in their lives that they have the power to stress or hurt you. 

coronado11

your right in that. Many people have told me that its not my fault the way they are and I shouldn't feel guilty in any way just because I cant help. I really try to not let it have power over me but it does and I dont know how to let it go. There the only biological family I have. I dont know what to do. But on the plus side my mother did go searching at the consignment shops today. I take it day by day. I have to constantly remind myself that I have my own life and my own family now (three children with FI) and I am not responsible for theirs.