The Plus One Dilemma

sassyfrass2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

sarahufl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

sarahufl said:

AroundTheBlock said:

JCBride2014 said:

ALL couples.  Anyone who considers themselves in a couple.  You are not the judge.

"Anyone who considers themselves in a couple" is not a reasonable criterion: hostesses are not mind-readers. At a minimum, couples must have made some sort of public declaration or demonstration of their couplehood, if they are planning to feel entitled to recognition as a couple.

I know this is unpopular, but I kind of feel the same way. If I don't know someone is in a relationship and they aren't on FB or whatever, how DO I find out if they are in a couple?

It's actually really simple- you call or email them and ask hem before you send out your invitations!

To be fair, FI weren't in a FB relationship for about 3 years (until we got engaged). IMO, if you are close enough to be invited to a person's wedding, you should know their relationship status without having to ask.

FB has nothing to do with it, many people don't like or use FB, and I don't agree with the bolded at all.

FI has many cousins that are invited to the wedding and we don't know if they are currently seeing anyone, so we are going to ask.

Ladies, save yourselves the headaches and drama, stop with the bolded line of thinking, and just ask people!  You have to get address info too right?  Kill two birds with one stone.

No shame in asking, and to be honest I don't know the address of over half of the people FI and I are inviting. That doesn't mean I don't know them; it just means I don't write too many letters nowadays!

lc07

klawrence1 said:

I'm getting married this Saturday- !- and did not give plus ones to all my single friends but included boyfriends and girlfriends and a plus one if I knew they wouldn't know anyone else and would appreciate it. To me it was all about knowing your guests and who all will be at your wedding. With that being said, last night, (6 days before my wedding) a friend of mine whom I'm not extremely close to asked if she could bring her boyfriend who she has only been dating for less than 2 weeks. If she had put him down on her RSVP, it would have been fine but with the seating chart already submitted I told her they could sit at a table with people they didn't know together or she could sit with the rest of her friends in the seat I already have her assigned to without him. I was as nice as possible but I'm sure she will understand when her wedding comes that there was no way I could accomodate him with such short notice. Try to be as courteous as possible but at the end of the day it's your wedding and your guest list!

Gah. It won't let me post my drinking wine GIF.

Bottoms up!

grumbledore

Katydid1953 said:

I knew my friend Susan had a date with someone prior to the invites going out.  She sent tiback with "2" will be attending. Really?  The invite stated "Susan". I was furious.  She should have called me and told me that she has had more than one "date" and are now a couple. One SIL sent an RSVP, then retracted it, then told us she was coming and now has backed out 2 weeks prior.  On top of that my fiance just had to bury his father 3 weeks before the wedding.  His son (32), decided to disown his dad and do the dramatic :I am NOT coming to your wedding."  How much you want to be he shows up?  I am just blown away by the lack of consideration of all these people. All I would ask isa phone call.  Let me know. Plan YOUR time and stick to the plan.  I had personalized wine glasses made for ecah person. Now some are being wasted and some poepl will not have one.  GRRRRR!

Wow what a waste of money.

kitty8403

Katydid1953 said:

I knew my friend Susan had a date with someone prior to the invites going out.  She sent tiback with "2" will be attending. Really?  The invite stated "Susan". I was furious.  She should have called me and told me that she has had more than one "date" and are now a couple. One SIL sent an RSVP, then retracted it, then told us she was coming and now has backed out 2 weeks prior.  On top of that my fiance just had to bury his father 3 weeks before the wedding.  His son (32), decided to disown his dad and do the dramatic :I am NOT coming to your wedding."  How much you want to be he shows up?  I am just blown away by the lack of consideration of all these people. All I would ask isa phone call.  Let me know. Plan YOUR time and stick to the plan.  I had personalized wine glasses made for ecah person. Now some are being wasted and some poepl will not have one.  GRRRRR!

So your FFIL just died, your future stepson is fighting with his dad, and you're worried about wine glasses? Priorities.

Laddy92

I wonder if it is just better to not invite people at all if there is no room in your budget for them and their (unknown) SO. Because I really would like some persons at my wedding, but I have no room for their bf/gf of a few months, for fear of breaking these rules, perhaps they just not get an invite altogether?

Viczaesar

Laddy92 said:

I wonder if it is just better to not invite people at all if there is no room in your budget for them and their (unknown) SO. Because I really would like some persons at my wedding, but I have no room for their bf/gf of a few months, for fear of breaking these rules, perhaps they just not get an invite altogether?

Yes, it's definitely far better to not invite one half of a couple if you can't or won't invite both.  Both or neither.

CAGirl

My fiancé and I had this talk too after realize this could add many people and a lot more money that we couldn't afford. We decided that we would invite couples by addressing the envelopes to both of them. Many of the couples we are inviting happen to be married so that helped out. If we have met your boyfriend/girlfriend and you two are still together by the time we send out invites then we will invite you two together. We know that there might be a few that come up after the invites are sent out and we'll look at it case by case, but in general, no "plus-ones." Established couples only.

Viczaesar

eaware88 said:

My fiancé and I had this talk too after realize this could add many people and a lot more money that we couldn't afford. We decided that we would invite couples by addressing the envelopes to both of them. Many of the couples we are inviting happen to be married so that helped out. If we have met your boyfriend/girlfriend and you two are still together by the time we send out invites then we will invite you two together. We know that there might be a few that come up after the invites are sent out and we'll look at it case by case, but in general, no "plus-ones." Established couples only.

What if you haven't met their significant other?

serafinka

Ha, my fiancee and I just went through this, and we decided that we're going to have it as an option on the invitations and then address it on an individual basis with people.  My suggestion is, as a preliminary matter, write down your guest list and make a note of everyone who you are not inviting as a couple, and then out of those, take note of people you think are likely to bring a plus one.  If it's not a significant number, might not be worth the worry.

slothiegal

Sorry zombie, time to go.