What should FMIL wear to the wedding?

kns1988

My wonderful FMIL asked me what color I want her to wear to the wedding, and I didn't really know what to say.  I feel so uncomfortable telling other people what to wear - I even had trouble giving my bridesmaids guidelines because I just want everyone to be happy and comfortable.  I told FMIL that my mom was wearing a long, gold dress and that she's welcome to wear any color she wants.  She said she doesn't want to clash with the wedding colors, so I told her any fall colors would be good.  Overall, it was kind of an awkward conversation because I didn't feel very helpful.  How was this conversation supposed to go?  Do people tell the mother of the groom what color to wear?

artbyallie

You were absolutely correct to tell her to wear anything she wants. If she is still anxious about it, you might offer to go shopping with her. And then just tell her she looks lovely in whatever she seems to be gravitating toward.

saacjw

My mother in law actually asked me for some specific color suggestions so she didn't clash, so I gave her a range based off of what I knew she wore and would look good on her and that wouldn't clash. If she asks for more help, feel free to give her more specific suggestions or shop with her, but what you did is exactly right. 

emmyg65

I think you handled it well. You shouldn't tell parents what to wear, but she asked and you gave her good information. I was really surprised by how anxious all our mothers got about what they should wear to the wedding. Apparently "Whatever you want!" isn't always enough!

[Deleted User]

That's exactley how I did it, told her what my mom had already purchased & what the wedding colors were and told her whatever she gets I'm sure will be beautiful.

kns1988

Excellent, I'm glad you all handled it similarly.

gm5

MIL here:  For my two son's weddings - When my first son got married I asked the bride what color she DIDN'T want me to wear and she said I could wear anything but black, the second son's bride said I could wear whatever I wanted in whatever color I wanted.  I'm partial to pretty black dresses (which 2nd son's wife knew), so that was fabulous for me.  You could say "you look gorgeous in blah, blah color to help her out" if she seems especially nervous.  I have say in both weddings, I found shoes first and went from there because for me it was all about the shoes.  I love a bride that let's grown women pick out whatever they want to wear :-) 

erinlin25

you were right on.  My mom and MIL were the same way and wanted me to basically tell them what to wear. I kept saying wear whatever you'd like. My mom narrowed it down to 2 dresses and I then weighed in on my opinion of which one I thought looked best on her. She was worried it was too close of a color to the BM dresses but I assured her that did not matter and if it was the one she liked best to wear it.  My FMIL was the same way. She was struggling finding a dress and was worried she would "clash."  I helped her narrow it down to 2 great dresses and I assured her either one looked great on her. She opted to pick the one that had an attached shawl because we could not find a wrap or sweater for the other dress.  Both moms ended up in a purple shade and looked beautiful.  I loved that it went with the wedding color, but it did not look too matchy and they both looked amazing. 

LoveyHowl

brideconfesses said:

Hi,

If given the opportunity again, I think you should suggest that she wears the same colors as the bridal party or your mom. Giving people the freedom to wear whatever they feel sounds nice, but can end up having them feel out of place or disconnected from the bridal party. I think she will be grateful when she looks at the pictures and sees she was apart of the wedding color scheme. I hope this was helpful. 

Thank you,

Rachel Bryant Lundy

brideconfesses.com

Pimping your new wedding advice blog, I see. And it might be a bit of exaggeration on your blog to say that your advice can also be found on TK. You just joined and have made two posts.

kmmssg

brideconfesses said:

Hi,

If given the opportunity again, I think you should suggest that she wears the same colors as the bridal party or your mom. Giving people the freedom to wear whatever they feel sounds nice, but can end up having them feel out of place or disconnected from the bridal party. I think she will be grateful when she looks at the pictures and sees she was apart of the wedding color scheme. I hope this was helpful. 

Thank you,

Rachel Bryant Lundy

brideconfesses.com

@knotporscha - spammer here