Bridal Party Plus Ones

kalobb

I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to a plus one for my grooms' best man. My fiancee's BM is great but his SO is not. Neither my fiancee nor I can stand her. She is rude, loud, disruptive and argumentative. She is also a big attention hog and always has to be the one in the spotlight. She is truly awful to be around, and all of my other friends feel the same way. I know if she comes she will insist on being involved in all the bridal party-only activities (photos, limo etc.).
What do I do? Is there any way to get around having her attend our wedding?

Since we are paying for everything, I feel we should have some say in who gets to attend!

KeptInStitches

Nope. She's your best man's girlfriend. Not inviting her is a major slight on their relationship and might even cause a rift in your FI's and BM's friendship.

mlg78

Absolutely not. You must invite her. Not only is it rude to not allow a wedding party member to have a +1 but it's off the charts crappy to not allow someone to bring their significant other.

Maggie0829

kalobb said:

I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to a plus one for my grooms' best man. My fiancee's BM is great but his SO is not. Neither my fiancee nor I can stand her. She is rude, loud, disruptive and argumentative. She is also a big attention hog and always has to be the one in the spotlight. She is truly awful to be around, and all of my other friends feel the same way. I know if she comes she will insist on being involved in all the bridal party-only activities (photos, limo etc.).
What do I do? Is there any way to get around having her attend our wedding?

Since we are paying for everything, I feel we should have some say in who gets to attend!

Unless this girl has tried to sleep with your FI, has assaulted you, stole from you, or is a heroin addict you must invite her.  Not liking her is not enough to leave her off the guest list.  And if you do decide to leave her off the guest list you seriously risk fucking up your FI and his BM friendship. Suck it up and accept the fact that the BM and his SO are a unit and they should be invited together.

LondonLisa

I agree- you have to invite her. Unless she attacked you physically, is a thief, or a druggie (and even some of those are grey areas) you really don't have much of a choice.

Also, plus ones are not the same as SO's. A plus 1 is for a truly single invitee to bring a guest of their choice. A significant other (defined by if the couple considers themselves in a relationship no matter what length of time) is always invited. They are a social unit. The only way to not invite her is to not invite her boyfriend too.

artbyallie

It is not okay to split up a couple. She needs to be invited with and seated with him. She doesn't need to be in photos, but she will probably be present unless she has her own way to get to cocktail hour while you're taking them. As for the limo, well, I think it's dumb and prom-like to have one for the wedding party anyway, but you could make that just for you and your groom. It will be nice for you to have a private moment, since you won't get any at the reception.

MyNameIsNot

She is not a plus one.  She is the BM's significant other, and must be invited by name with the BM.  The only way to exclude her is to exclude him, which probably isn't an option.  You also need to seat her with the BM.  You do not need to invite her to anything prior to the ceremony.  

Excluding her would be a giant slap in the face to the BM.  If this guy is that important to your FI, you shouldn't want to deliberately insult him.  

Jen4948

You have to invite her, but she does not have to be in the limo or in photos.

You can have someone like a DOC on hand to deal with her if she starts demanding undue attention.

kalobb

I figured that was the response I'd get

They won't be seated together, however, because the bridal party will be at our head table.
I might designate my MOH to be the one to deal with her on the day of, in case she causes any issues. I'll hope for the best!

artbyallie

kalobb said:

I figured that was the response I'd get

They won't be seated together, however, because the bridal party will be at our head table.
I might designate my MOH to be the one to deal with her on the day of, in case she causes any issues. I'll hope for the best!

Please don't do that. It's not nice to separate couples on a day about commitment.

Maggie0829

artbyallie said:

kalobb said:

I figured that was the response I'd get

They won't be seated together, however, because the bridal party will be at our head table.
I might designate my MOH to be the one to deal with her on the day of, in case she causes any issues. I'll hope for the best!

Please don't do that. It's not nice to separate couples on a day about commitment.
I agree with this. Sit all couples together. You and your FI get to sit together as well as all your guests get to sit with their SOs that day so why do you feel it is right to separate your WP from their SOs?

PrettyGirlLost

kalobb said:

I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to a plus one for my grooms' best man. My fiancee's BM is great but his SO is not. Neither my fiancee nor I can stand her. She is rude, loud, disruptive and argumentative. She is also a big attention hog and always has to be the one in the spotlight. She is truly awful to be around, and all of my other friends feel the same way. I know if she comes she will insist on being involved in all the bridal party-only activities (photos, limo etc.).
What do I do? Is there any way to get around having her attend our wedding?

Since we are paying for everything, I feel we should have some say in who gets to attend!

Nope, sorry.  1st, this woman isn't the Best Man's Plus 1, she is is SO.  A plus one is a random date that you extend to single guests.

What you do is invite her, do the obligatory "Hi, thanks so much for coming" at some point, then ignore her the rest of the night.  If she is truly a pain in the ass, that is for the Best Man to deal with.  You will be pulled in so many directions you won't notice her presence.

If she tries to insert herself into the limo, pictures, etc. ask your FI to have the Best Man or photographer to gracefully handle the situation.

PrettyGirlLost

kalobb said:

I figured that was the response I'd get

They won't be seated together, however, because the bridal party will be at our head table.
I might designate my MOH to be the one to deal with her on the day of, in case she causes any issues. I'll hope for the best!

No no no!  Please don't do this.

Your MOH's job is not to referee and babysit ppl.  Please do not put her in that position.  First and foremost this woman is the responsibility of her BF, the Best Man.  Let him deal with her.  If that is not enough have your DOC or the venue manager deal with her.

kalobb

My MOH offered to be in charge of this situation; that's the only reason why I mentioned her. We don't have a DOC or a venue manager. I'm not very confident that the BM has much control over his lady, nor would he see the problem in her being involved in bridal party-only activities. Hopefully the fabulousness of the day will be enough to keep her in a good mood!

kalobb

kalobb

I've never been to/involved in a wedding that didn't have a head table... How does it work without one? I really would like to sit with my bridal party, but there won't be enough room at one table for us, them plus all of their SOs.

JCbride2015

kalobb said: I've never been to/involved in a wedding that didn't have a head table... How does it work without one? I really would like to sit with my bridal party, but there won't be enough room at one table for us, them plus all of their SOs.
I've actually never been to a wedding with a head table.  You absolutely cannot seat couples separately from each other.

Options: 

1) sweetheart table

2) kings table: you and fi, MOH and her SO, BM and his SO

3) seat all the SOs with the bridal party at head table

Actually sitting with your BP is probably not a big deal anyway.  As the B&G, you likely won't sit very much.  You'll be up and moving around throughout much of the wedding, and you can always go sit at the table with them at some point in the night if you want.