"I didn't even want this many bridesmaids!"

Rebl90

This is what myself and another friend were told by our friend who is getting married soon.  Oh yeah, and both of us are bridesmaids in her wedding....  We were having dinner with the bride and one other friend and just having a chill girls' night out.  I tried to keep wedding talk to a minimum (at least about my wedding) but somehow she started talking about how big the WP is (like we didn't already know) and how stressed out she is because there are "so many bridesmaids because 'Joe" wanted so many groomsmen!"  I tried not to take it personally, but honestly I was kinda surprised when she asked me so I'm feeling like I was one of the "fillers" -- especially since my FI is a GM. (Now when I asked her quite a few months later to be one of my BMs, we had been friends longer and I  consider her one of my best friends.)

Idk, I tried to shake it off, because it's not like she explicitly said, "I wish you weren't in my wedding!", but it still stung.  I know I'm probably over-sensitive but I just would never think that would be ok to say to your friends and bridesmaids. Am I being a baby?

HisGirlFriday13

No, because that's a shitty thing to say, and it's clear that she picked some bridesmaids -- possibly you -- just to have "even sides" which is BS.

I wouldn't let it get to me, but it's totally justified that it stung. It's a crappy thing to say. 

Rebl90

Thanks, I'm not actively bitter towards her, but it definitely stung and I think I was just so shocked that she would say anything like that. 

Edited: I did make a point to say that our sides were "uneven" and that I thought it would work just fine.  I think  know that she is falling victim to quite a few incorrect wedding "traditions", this was just an all new low!

Inkdancer

Oh hon, I'm sorry. It's easy to get overwhelmed but she definitely shouldn't take it out in your direction.

FiancB

Definitely rude, but ultimately it's one of those foot in mouth kind of moments and she probably regrets saying it too. 

delujm0

My FI went a little crazy determining his wedding party too.  On any given day he had anywhere from 4 to 10 GM picked out in his head.  Finally, i was like "Look, I have 4 bridesmaids.  Period.  You can do whatever you want with that information."  He settled on 5.

 

I would assume that since she complained about that to YOU she didn't mean that YOU were one of the people that she felt pressured into asking.  I would have assumed that she was annoyed about some of the other girls and that you were on the top of her original list...otherwise that was super rude of her to say.

 

having too many BMs is the worst.  for starters, it looks ridiculous.  secondly, it is crazy expensive when you start adding up BM gifts and bouquets and whatnot.  And when there's a ton of people it seems lke the title is less special, IMO.  everyone you've ever been friends with doesn't need to be a BM.  Just the few that you are closest to right now should be up there with you.

happymellow

I agree with FiancB.  Foot in mouth, but she probably regrets it.  Originally, FI and I were going to have uneven sides.  I don't think it's a big deal at all, but FI was hoping we would have even sides.  I was going to have one more person than him, but I called her three times to ask her and she never called me back, so our sides are even now.

hikebikebemerry

It was a very cold thing to say, but it was said, so I would try to have the mindset that she wouldn't say anything to you if she was regretting having you as a BM.

But I would definitely feel hurt by what she said.

Rebl90

I have to agree with all of you that are thinking that because she said it to myself and another BM then she wasn't meaning us, I've had the inkling that she's overwhelmed because she asked both of her FSILs and her sisters and her FI's cousin and she doesn't seem to be super close with the girls from his side of the family. In fact, the two of us who were with her when she complained are the only non-family BMs.  

Idk, either way I feel like it reflects poorly on her attitude, I just can't imagine saying anything like that because my BMs are my closest friends. She's been a very stressed-out bride so I feel like she's not handling regular decisions well and struggling with the desire to make every single person happy with every single decision. (At least I'm a bride right now too so I have more sympathy for her)

jenna8984

delujm0 said:

My FI went a little crazy determining his wedding party too.  On any given day he had anywhere from 4 to 10 GM picked out in his head.  Finally, i was like "Look, I have 4 bridesmaids.  Period.  You can do whatever you want with that information."  He settled on 5.

 

I would assume that since she complained about that to YOU she didn't mean that YOU were one of the people that she felt pressured into asking.  I would have assumed that she was annoyed about some of the other girls and that you were on the top of her original list...otherwise that was super rude of her to say.

 

having too many BMs is the worst.  for starters, it looks ridiculous.  secondly, it is crazy expensive when you start adding up BM gifts and bouquets and whatnot.  And when there's a ton of people it seems lke the title is less special, IMO.  everyone you've ever been friends with doesn't need to be a BM.  Just the few that you are closest to right now should be up there with you.

I so agree with the bolded! I was in a wedding with 9 BM's and thought it was ridiculous. The fact that I was not very good friends with the bride make me think all the others weren't either. Sure we've known each other for 20 years so I said yes but we talk once every few months and have never been super close so I thought it was a little odd. 

OP, that was definitely a rude thing for her to say!! 

Rebl90

jenna8984 said:

delujm0 said:

My FI went a little crazy determining his wedding party too.  On any given day he had anywhere from 4 to 10 GM picked out in his head.  Finally, i was like "Look, I have 4 bridesmaids.  Period.  You can do whatever you want with that information."  He settled on 5.

 

I would assume that since she complained about that to YOU she didn't mean that YOU were one of the people that she felt pressured into asking.  I would have assumed that she was annoyed about some of the other girls and that you were on the top of her original list...otherwise that was super rude of her to say.

 

having too many BMs is the worst.  for starters, it looks ridiculous.  secondly, it is crazy expensive when you start adding up BM gifts and bouquets and whatnot.  And when there's a ton of people it seems lke the title is less special, IMO.  everyone you've ever been friends with doesn't need to be a BM.  Just the few that you are closest to right now should be up there with you.

I so agree with the bolded! I was in a wedding with 9 BM's and thought it was ridiculous. The fact that I was not very good friends with the bride make me think all the others weren't either. Sure we've known each other for 20 years so I said yes but we talk once every few months and have never been super close so I thought it was a little odd. 

OP, that was definitely a rude thing for her to say!! 

Funny story, FI's cousin got married back in Sept. and she had 11 BMs. It looked ridicuclous! Idk how you can have that many people you are extremely close to, but I can't judge that.

Amyzen83

If this helps at all a BFF whose wedding I was in told me after the fact that if she had to do it again she wouldn't hav so many bridesmaids but she was just trying to please too many people. I didn't take it personal because I secretly agreed with her. I think if you and your friend are close enough she probably just confided in you that because you weren't a filler Bridesmaid. I still think it's a bit rude to say something like that, but chalk it up to the fact she's prob just stressing out and doesn't realize how she came off

CaliMel11

A family member got married and had 12 bridesmaids. It was insane looking. I'm sorry, but to me that just screams insecurity and "omg look at how popular I am!!!!!! Look at all of them!"
I just really cannot imagine trying to organize any group of people that size.

It was also extremely tacky because they invited my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents while me and my mom were in the room, asked my uncle to be his best man over dinner in front of all of us...and didn't even bother asking us to come or invite us. This is also the same man who decided that proposing at his own brothers wedding reception was a great idea. In front of everyone. You know because heaven forbid you wait one freaking night and let the spotlight be on your own brother at his wedding! Lets just make it alllll about you!

Sorry for the tangent. I think your friend probably is overwhelmed and didn't mean for it to come off as it did.

Amyzen83

CaliMel11 said:

A family member got married and had 12 bridesmaids. It was insane looking. I'm sorry, but to me that just screams insecurity and "omg look at how popular I am!!!!!! Look at all of them!"
I just really cannot imagine trying to organize any group of people that size.

It was also extremely tacky because they invited my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents while me and my mom were in the room, asked my uncle to be his best man over dinner in front of all of us...and didn't even bother asking us to come or invite us. This is also the same man who decided that proposing at his own brothers wedding reception was a great idea. In front of everyone. You know because heaven forbid you wait one freaking night and let the spotlight be on your own brother at his wedding! Lets just make it alllll about you!

Sorry for the tangent. I think your friend probably is overwhelmed and didn't mean for it to come off as it did.

Wow! They seem very classy!

delujm0

CaliMel11 said:

A family member got married and had 12 bridesmaids. It was insane looking. I'm sorry, but to me that just screams insecurity and "omg look at how popular I am!!!!!! Look at all of them!"
I just really cannot imagine trying to organize any group of people that size.

It was also extremely tacky because they invited my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents while me and my mom were in the room, asked my uncle to be his best man over dinner in front of all of us...and didn't even bother asking us to come or invite us. This is also the same man who decided that proposing at his own brothers wedding reception was a great idea. In front of everyone. You know because heaven forbid you wait one freaking night and let the spotlight be on your own brother at his wedding! Lets just make it alllll about you!

Sorry for the tangent. I think your friend probably is overwhelmed and didn't mean for it to come off as it did.

My wedding planner literally won't quote you a price until she knows how many attendants you are planning to have - because she knows that the more people there are, the more out of control it is, and the more work she's going to have to do.  So once you go over 6 per side, she starts upcharging.

 

I live in the South, and apparently it's a big thing down here to have like a million bridesmaids.  i think a lot of girls feel like all of their female cousins need to be involved?  I think it's crazy.  Also, the procession/recession parts of the ceremony are SO LONG AND BORING when you're watching 12 identically dressed girls walk slowly down the aisle.  i seriously cannot imagine being that close with so many people.  Who has the time????

CaliMel11

Amyzen83 said:

A family member got married and had 12 bridesmaids. It was insane looking. I'm sorry, but to me that just screams insecurity and "omg look at how popular I am!!!!!! Look at all of them!"
I just really cannot imagine trying to organize any group of people that size.

It was also extremely tacky because they invited my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents while me and my mom were in the room, asked my uncle to be his best man over dinner in front of all of us...and didn't even bother asking us to come or invite us. This is also the same man who decided that proposing at his own brothers wedding reception was a great idea. In front of everyone. You know because heaven forbid you wait one freaking night and let the spotlight be on your own brother at his wedding! Lets just make it alllll about you!

Sorry for the tangent. I think your friend probably is overwhelmed and didn't mean for it to come off as it did.

Wow! They seem very classy!

I was so horrified and embarrassed for them when I realized that was how he decided to propose. and they apparently see absolutely nothing wrong with choosing someone elses wedding as their proposal which is just so weird to me. That's like going to someone else's birthday party and announcing that you're having a baby. I don't even understand people.

climbingsingle

That's a shitty thing for her to say. And it probably would have hurt my feelings too. 

Amyzen83

CaliMel11 said:

Amyzen83 said:

CaliMel11 said:

A family member got married and had 12 bridesmaids. It was insane looking. I'm sorry, but to me that just screams insecurity and "omg look at how popular I am!!!!!! Look at all of them!"
I just really cannot imagine trying to organize any group of people that size.

It was also extremely tacky because they invited my uncle, my aunt, and my grandparents while me and my mom were in the room, asked my uncle to be his best man over dinner in front of all of us...and didn't even bother asking us to come or invite us. This is also the same man who decided that proposing at his own brothers wedding reception was a great idea. In front of everyone. You know because heaven forbid you wait one freaking night and let the spotlight be on your own brother at his wedding! Lets just make it alllll about you!

Sorry for the tangent. I think your friend probably is overwhelmed and didn't mean for it to come off as it did.

Wow! They seem very classy!

I was so horrified and embarrassed for them when I realized that was how he decided to propose. and they apparently see absolutely nothing wrong with choosing someone elses wedding as their proposal which is just so weird to me. That's like going to someone else's birthday party and announcing that you're having a baby. I don't even understand people.


Right??? That's just plain tasteless! Not to mention I gotta hog the attention!

edandy

My oldest sibling is my officiant, and I have 6 sisters and my best friend (her husband is also my fi's best man). I can't honestly choose one sister over another, I love them all. 

It's going to be hell to have this much going on, but that's my lot in life. I can't imagine picking out 9 friends or something crazy!