Wedding Invitations & Paper

Would you invite people you know can't come?

I got engaged last June, and I told my family members while I asked for addresses. Some out of state relatives congratulated me, but said they know they won't be able to afford the trip for the wedding. My mom said I should still send an invitation, because it's polite. I thought I was polite when I first talked to them and asked for their addresses. Then I thought they were polite when they kindly explained that they cannot make it. Some did not even give me the address when they told me they couldn't make it.

Would you send an invitation to people who already said they know they can't come for financial reasons? I can't decide if it's nicer to send the invitation because I'm thinking of them, or if it is nicer to remember that they cannot come and avoid sending an invitation so they don't feel bad declining a second time.

No one received a save the date, as our arrangement for having them made fell through. We told people by word of mouth to save our date.

Re: Would you invite people you know can't come?

  • Yes you should still send the invitation. I have a few relatives that I know won't make it whether its due to health reasons or just that they never come to anything but they are still getting an invitation.  Weddings are a tricky business, feelings get hurt so it is best to just invite everyone even if you know they won't come. The ones who gave you an address should definitely get an invitation. They may want to just celebrate from a distance or send you a card or gift or something and no invite, no gift.

    The one's who didn't give you an address just ask again politely or have your mom ask and say "we would really like to send you an invitation anyway" if they push back and still don't give an address then I would not take it any further.
  • I got engaged last June, and I told my family members while I asked for addresses. Some out of state relatives congratulated me, but said they know they won't be able to afford the trip for the wedding. My mom said I should still send an invitation, because it's polite. I thought I was polite when I first talked to them and asked for their addresses. Then I thought they were polite when they kindly explained that they cannot make it. Some did not even give me the address when they told me they couldn't make it. Would you send an invitation to people who already said they know they can't come for financial reasons? I can't decide if it's nicer to send the invitation because I'm thinking of them, or if it is nicer to remember that they cannot come and avoid sending an invitation so they don't feel bad declining a second time. No one received a save the date, as our arrangement for having them made fell through. We told people by word of mouth to save our date.
    Definitely send invitations.  Plans could change, financial circumstances could change, etc.  Send the invitation and let them formally decline.
  • Definitely still send the invitations.   You never know if plans can change.  
  • I would love to know if this situation is addressed in etiquette books because I always disagree with sending an invitation anyway.  Here is what I would say if someone sent me an invite after I told them I could not come..."I TOLD her I couldn't come.  I guess she expects me to send a gift".   Maybe that's just me.
  • That was my fear. I don't want anyone to think I'm just out for the gift. They made it clear that they will definitely not be able to come. I can still send the invitations, but it won't change anything. If I send an invitation, it would just be to let them know I wish they could be there and that they are still invited anyway. Does it also say, "Sorry you can't come. Send all gifts to the address on the envelope."?
  • I would love to know if this situation is addressed in etiquette books because I always disagree with sending an invitation anyway.  Here is what I would say if someone sent me an invite after I told them I could not come..."I TOLD her I couldn't come.  I guess she expects me to send a gift".   Maybe that's just me.
    That's kind of my thought too. If I knew people wouldn't be able to come I'd send it but I don't know if I feel the same way about people who explicitly said they couldn't. Maybe I'd send them an email that says "hey, I realize you said you couldn't come, but I just wanted to let you know to expect an invite as a keepsake (probably a better thing to call it but I can't think right now)." 
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  • I'd want to receive one even if I said I couldn't come. It would make me feel included and important to the couple. I wouldn't see it as a gift grab, but I'd be sending a family member a gift regardless of my ability to attend the wedding.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I would invite them anyways.  Plans change.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • edited February 2014
    I have a few people who've already told me they can't come. One is my step-sister who's in another wedding the same day - she will get an invite with a note inside saying "I know you can't make it but I wanted you to have an invite anyway!" and the other is a friend who just moved to another country and said "save your stamps; we won't be able to make it." No soup for you then. Case by case basis. If they're family I would definitely still send one.

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  • For me it would really depend.  I wouldn't see it as a "gift grab" myself if I received an invitation after I had already indicated I couldn't attend, although I suppose some people might see it that way.

    If I wanted to invite someone who had already told me that they couldn't attend, whether or not I sent them an invitation would depend on our relationship and why they couldn't attend.  I wouldn't make an across-the-board decision to invite them anyway.  In some cases I might still send them an invitation to indicate that I really wanted them to come and hoped that circumstances would permit it; in others, I'd accept that they'd indicated that they would not come even if I did send them an invitation.
  • I think that there's nothing wrong with sending an invitation to people. I actually had someone who had health problems come up, who is unable to make it, request that we still please send them one because they really wanted to be there so badly and they would love to have at least the invite.

    Ultimately it's their decision to come or not, and some people might be able to. If you would actually really love to have them there, and have a space for them should they decide to make it, then there's nothing wrong!

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