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aleyr019

Thank you to those who helped. For those of you who questioned or tried to chastise me and my reasoning on anything I decided for my wedding, good luck with your own weddings and I wish you all the best. 

SammiNJonni

Can she do a reading? Honestly I see no reason why her living 1000 miles away has any bearing on if she is in the bridal party.or not but if you are not close no need to include her.

AddieCake

I agree with PP. Her location is irrelevant, but she should not be in the WP if you are not close. Reader, usher, or singer are really the only other roles.

Jen4948

AddieL73 said:

I agree with PP. Her location is irrelevant, but she should not be in the WP if you are not close. Reader, usher, or singer are really the only other roles.

This.  But as Addie says, if you're not close, there's no need to have her as a bridesmaid.  Don't ask her just because her mother is "worried."

indianaalum

aleyr019 said:

Hi All, 

So I just wanted a little input on this situation. First of all, no I don't feel pressured to have my FI's sister as a bridesmaid, and she's not. She lives at least 1000 miles away, and that would be too hard. However! Both my brother and sister and my FI's brother are in our bridal party. His mother is worried that his sister is the only one not included. I wouldn't mind if she stood on the groom's side. FI's not as close with his sister (nor am I) and likes the tradition of men on one side, women on the other. (That's how it is now). I'm wondering if you lovely people have any other thoughts to honor the sister in a way that doesn't include her in the bridal party. Currently she is a guest along with her boyfriend. 

Keep in mind, I have no idea if the sister does feel left out, but if I ask, that opens the bridal party can of worms that I have clearly labeled and stuck on a high shelf lol

Too hard for what? Her only duty is  to show up for the wedding. IF she can't attend the wedding, this is a non-issue then.

Does your FI want to include her? If so, I would have a discussion of how to do that then 

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  Reader, soloist, usher are really the only other roles.  If you are having a religious service, then there might be more ways she could participate, for example in a Catholic ceremony individuals can sometimes help carry the Eucharist and wine to the altar during that part of the Mass.

But being a guest is an honor, and you could always give her a corsage to sort-of make her stand out.

phira

You shouldn't ask her to be a bridesmaid because you're not close to her. Distance is irrelevant. My sister is a bridesmaid in my wedding and she lives 3000 miles away. She doesn't have to DO anything really.

However, I get your situation. My partner and I each have two siblings. His brothers are his best men (and his best friends). My sister is a bridesmaid, but I don't feel very close to my brother at all; even if he WERE comfortable with being a bridesman, I don't really want him standing up with me. We're going to ask him to escort my grandmother down the aisle so that he can be part of the wedding party without being a groomsman or bridesman. (We are having a bridesmaid and a groomsman do readings so having my brother do ANOTHER reading didn't make sense.)

LizM61409

My best friend didn't have her now-SIL as a BM, but she got her a nice corsage and was obviously included in the family pics

wrigleyville

I wasn't a BM in my brother's wedding, and I wasn't hurt at all. They bought me a lovely corsage, and I was in all of the family photos. That was "honor" enough.

They DID try to give me the stupid duty of manning the guestbook, but I bailed after five minutes. People know how to write their names in a book. It's boring, and it's not an honor.

aleyr019

I'm doing all the planning by myself. FI didn't want to be involved, which isn't a problem because I have major experience planning. So for those of you who are telling me that distance is irrelevant, in this case, I see it as important. 

I already said she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, so thank you to those of you who suggested the corsage because that's an answer I am looking for the most and I think it'll be just enough to quell the worries of my future MOL. And no Wrigley, we would never have our guests do anything but enjoy themselves. :-)

kmmssg

aleyr019 said:

I'm doing all the planning by myself. FI didn't want to be involved, which isn't a problem because I have major experience planning. So for those of you who are telling me that distance is irrelevant, in this case, I see it as important. 

I already said she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, so thank you to those of you who suggested the corsage because that's an answer I am looking for the most and I think it'll be just enough to quell the worries of my future MOL. And no Wrigley, we would never have our guests do anything but enjoy themselves. :-)

Why is the distance important?

amakayeb

I'm still confused about the distance as well. I'm planning almost everything myself and my 4 bridesmaids are in 4 different states. I NEVER thought about that being a hindrance to them being a bridesmaid.

(I realize that you aren't going to ask her to be a bridesmaid, but as it seems your original question has been answered, I'm just curious.)

Inkdancer

kmmssg said:

aleyr019 said:

I'm doing all the planning by myself. FI didn't want to be involved, which isn't a problem because I have major experience planning. So for those of you who are telling me that distance is irrelevant, in this case, I see it as important. 

I already said she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, so thank you to those of you who suggested the corsage because that's an answer I am looking for the most and I think it'll be just enough to quell the worries of my future MOL. And no Wrigley, we would never have our guests do anything but enjoy themselves. :-)

Why is the distance important?

I am going to make a guess here:

My MOH lives a solid 14-hour drive away from me. Since she's my very best friend, she keeps offering to do things for me. Unfortunately she's a student and lives very far away, so the things she is offering are stressing her out! I had to tell her "hey, don't worry about it, if we all just hang out at my place the night before the wedding instead of having a big bachelorette bash, I'd be happy." It's more about trying to take pressure off someone who wants to do things from far away, rather than feeling that she owes you things that she can't provide because of distance.

NYCMercedes

Again, what difference does physical distance make?

Jen4948

My SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid when she married my brother.

In between her asking me and the wedding, I moved 1600 miles away from Houston, where the wedding took place, to NYC.

All I had to do was get the dress and walk down the aisle and back (getting the dress was a doozy though).

phira

As I've already mentioned, my sister is a bridesmaid and she lives on the opposite coast. Distance is irrelevant. Obviously, the OP isn't close enough to her future sister-in-law to want to ask her to be a bridesmaid anyways (which is absolutely OKAY; no one is suggesting that the OP should ask her to be a bridesmaid because, "I don't want her to stand up with me as a bridesmaid" is enough of a reason). But distance. Is. Irrelevant.

delujm0

aleyr019 said:

I'm doing all the planning by myself. FI didn't want to be involved, which isn't a problem because I have major experience planning. So for those of you who are telling me that distance is irrelevant, in this case, I see it as important. 

I already said she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, so thank you to those of you who suggested the corsage because that's an answer I am looking for the most and I think it'll be just enough to quell the worries of my future MOL. And no Wrigley, we would never have our guests do anything but enjoy themselves. :-)

First bold:  Seriously?  he doesn't want to do ANYTHING?  I mean i did most of our grunt work but FI still attended vendor meetings and meetings with our planner, had a say in the venue, menu, music, flowers, etc.  I wouldn't make a major decision without discussing it with him first, and he would never want me to.

 

Second bold: you are implying here that because your FI isn't helping you you are expecting your bridesmaids to help you.  This isn't cool.  Of course, if they offer assistance you are perfectly within your rights to take them up on it.  But that shuld never be expected.  The only people who NEED to help plan a wedding are the bride and groom.  If your FI isn't giving you enough assistance, hire a planner.  Bridesmaids are not free labor.

SP29

I'd get her a corsage.