Family Style Dinner = Black Tie?

antoto

PrettyGirlLost said:

antoto said:

Yeah we were trying to figure out if my wedding could be called black tie and the only thing it falls short of on this list is that it's a 4 course meal.  

Close, but no cigar!  You will have a lovely, very formal wedding, but you can't call it black tie.

PS- look at your ticker!!!!!!

GAHHHH I KNOWWWW

And yeah, I wasn't even trying to throw a black tie event so I really don't care  It will be fabulous and lovely!

AroundTheBlock

CrazyCatLady3 said:

I know this is supposed to be the fancy way but I went to a wedding like this and found it irritating.  It takes longer for you to get your food and I felt my personal space invaded while the servers were hovering over me.  I prefer to just have a fully done up plate placed down in front of me.

The personal space issue, with servants intervening in something so personal as one's food, is why I prefer service courtier over service a la Russe. Servants taking away dirty dishes is fine: it's quick and no-one else wants to deal with them anyway. But being served by, and serving, one's fellow guests creates a pleasant sense of community. It does depend on one's fellow-guests actually knowing that they are supposed to offer food and drink to others before serving themselves, and not immediately falling into farmhouse mode and trying to pass the platters around the table ending up with three dishes of sweet-potato at one end of the table. A few hovering service staff are useful in that event for returning the smaller serving dishes to their proper place on the table.

antoto

AroundTheBlock said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

I know this is supposed to be the fancy way but I went to a wedding like this and found it irritating.  It takes longer for you to get your food and I felt my personal space invaded while the servers were hovering over me.  I prefer to just have a fully done up plate placed down in front of me.

The personal space issue, with servants intervening in something so personal as one's food, is why I prefer service courtier over service a la Russe. Servants taking away dirty dishes is fine: it's quick and no-one else wants to deal with them anyway. But being served by, and serving, one's fellow guests creates a pleasant sense of community. It does depend on one's fellow-guests actually knowing that they are supposed to offer food and drink to others before serving themselves, and not immediately falling into farmhouse mode and trying to pass the platters around the table ending up with three dishes of sweet-potato at one end of the table. A few hovering service staff are useful in that event for returning the smaller serving dishes to their proper place on the table.

You mean wait staff or servers... right?

MairePoppy

Family style isn't appropriate for black tie and a suit would be appropriate. However, your fi is an adult. He should wear whatever he likes. 

flojo973

Thanks everyone!  I guess I will just let my DH wear whatever he wants but I am definitely not wearing a long dress.  They are also having a 3 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception so I think that is adding to my annoyance.

MrsAitch

antoto said:

AroundTheBlock said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

I know this is supposed to be the fancy way but I went to a wedding like this and found it irritating.  It takes longer for you to get your food and I felt my personal space invaded while the servers were hovering over me.  I prefer to just have a fully done up plate placed down in front of me.

The personal space issue, with servants intervening in something so personal as one's food, is why I prefer service courtier over service a la Russe. Servants taking away dirty dishes is fine: it's quick and no-one else wants to deal with them anyway. But being served by, and serving, one's fellow guests creates a pleasant sense of community. It does depend on one's fellow-guests actually knowing that they are supposed to offer food and drink to others before serving themselves, and not immediately falling into farmhouse mode and trying to pass the platters around the table ending up with three dishes of sweet-potato at one end of the table. A few hovering service staff are useful in that event for returning the smaller serving dishes to their proper place on the table.

You mean wait staff or servers... right?

She must mean footmen. You couldn't have maids serve dinner...except for maybe during the war when we run out of footmen because the dowager was no longer able to keep them from being called up...and what kind of person thinks black tie is fancy? White tie is obviously the way to go...

Sorry I have been binging on Downton. I think a lot of people don't actually know what black tie is and just want to convey that their wedding is fancy-ish.

Also, I have to say, we're having family style at our wedding, and it costs more than the plated meals. We want people to be able to choose that day what they want to eat though and can't do table side ordering. Kind of love the idea of doing service a la Russe and having the servers call me "my lady" or "your ladyship" but don't think our caterer has that many servers plus it would take forever to feed everyone that way, and while our wedding will be nice and relatively formal, it certainly won't be that fancy.

grumbledore

All I can think right now is, "What is a weekend?"

Maggie0829

flojo973 said:

Thanks everyone!  I guess I will just let my DH wear whatever he wants but I am definitely not wearing a long dress.  They are also having a 3 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception so I think that is adding to my annoyance.

I would just decline the wedding.  Between them trying to dictate attire and a 3 hour gap, my ass wouldn't be going to that wedding.

Cookie Pusher

I'd definitely find something better to do that day. The faux black tie thing is bad enough, but a 3 hour gap... well, you'd have to be immediate family or my very best friend ever.

rajahmd

PrettyGirlLost said:

grumbledore said:

^^ A blend of these two is how they do it on Downton Abbey - the servant presents the serving dish of the food option to the diner and the diner actually "serves" the food onto their own plate. Whether ATB is insane is a whole other issue.

Hahaha, love that show.

If you are trying to decide if your wedding reception is black tie, watch Downton Abbey, and then decide if you can legitimately put Black Tie on your invitations ;-)

And remember, almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.


And broken condoms!

16maybeless

Out of curiosity, can you have a black-tie event that takes place outside? I attended a ball in Scotland that was tented (hard floors, but soft sides and ceiling with chandeliers) and black tie, but also maybe not black tie?

Also, it rained.

A lot.

HisGirlFriday13

RajahBMFD said:

grumbledore said:

^^ A blend of these two is how they do it on Downton Abbey - the servant presents the serving dish of the food option to the diner and the diner actually "serves" the food onto their own plate. Whether ATB is insane is a whole other issue.

Hahaha, love that show.

If you are trying to decide if your wedding reception is black tie, watch Downton Abbey, and then decide if you can legitimately put Black Tie on your invitations ;-)

And remember, almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.

And broken condoms!

antoto

Out of curiosity, can you have a black-tie event that takes place outside? I attended a ball in Scotland that was tented (hard floors, but soft sides and ceiling with chandeliers) and black tie, but also maybe not black tie?

Also, it rained.

A lot.

Box

Yeah I was thinking about this.  What if it was on a balcony of castle or the roof of a super fancy sky scraper?  I feel like the inside only requirement may not be entirely accurate.

grumbledore

I don't buy into the "indoor only" thing - BUT if it's outdoors, it still has to be at a top-tier venue (i.e., a mansion in Newport with the world's most beautiful tent on the lawn) and really I think the guests need to have access to the indoors as well. (No outdoor toilets at a black tie event, c'mon.)

PrettyGirlLost

16maybeless said:

Out of curiosity, can you have a black-tie event that takes place outside? I attended a ball in Scotland that was tented (hard floors, but soft sides and ceiling with chandeliers) and black tie, but also maybe not black tie?

Also, it rained.

A lot.

I dunno, are state dinners normally held outside?  I don't think so, but that may be more for security reasons.

That ball sounds like it was miserable.

16maybeless

PrettyGirlLost said:

16maybeless said:

Out of curiosity, can you have a black-tie event that takes place outside? I attended a ball in Scotland that was tented (hard floors, but soft sides and ceiling with chandeliers) and black tie, but also maybe not black tie?

Also, it rained.

A lot.

I dunno, are state dinners normally held outside?  I don't think so, but that may be more for security reasons.

That ball sounds like it was miserable.

It was fine once we were inside the tent. But I also wore heels, and that was miserable. 

But the night ended with sausage and egg baps, so it was all OK.

LondonLisa

Yes, a tented event can be fine for black tie, but as stated above, it must be a really high end. I believe that state dinners at the White House are in a tent on the South Lawn and those are black tie. However, they are more of a "removable conservatory" with a glass roof and hardwood floors. 

SammiNJonni

PrettyGirlLost said:

flojo973 said:

Hi ladies.  Please help me settle an argument with DH.  We were invited to a wedding that says on the invitation that its Black Tie.  However, from talking about the wedding with the couple, I know that the dinner will be served family style.  There are other elements that lead me to believe that this isn't really Black Tie but that the bride is trying to fancy it up.  DH is insisting that he has to rent a tux for this but I don't really want to spend the money to do that knowing that the wedding isn't truly Black Tie.  What do you ladies think?

No, no no.  Absolutely not.  Don't waste money on a tux if you don't want to.  This is not a black tie event, and this bride and groom are rude for suggesting that it is.

Lurkers- A black tie event is just that- it is an event with very specific hosting criteria.  It is not a style of dress.  You must meet all of the following, at a minimum, to have a black tie event, and unless you do, do not put Black Tie on your invitations just because you want ppl to dress up for your wedding.

• Event begins after 6pm
• High end, indoor venue
  
• Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
• Gloved service
• Hand passed hor d'ourves
  
• Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
  
• Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
• Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
• Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
• High end decor and custom lighting

This is why I do not understand why people put black tie just to get people to dress nicer. I am missing only 2 of these elements but I would never dream of calling my wedding black tie.

CheleLyn

There needs to a Black Tie sticky 

grumbledore

Black Tie Sticky Point #1: At least 95% of weddings, no matter how fancy you think they are, are not black tie. BOOM.

Amyzen83

I think the term"black tie" is grossly overused! Most people use it to justify wanting fanciness in dress and decor but aren't willing to anty up with the hosting that goes along with it, and frankly I think the whole black tie ideas overrated! They seem more exclusive, I wouldn't feel comfortable being me and frankly I'd get full after the first 2 courses because I don't eat very much! I feel like you can still have a nice beautiful wedding without all of that because a wedding in itself is a formal event. I also in my entire life never went to an actual black tie wedding. For me it's always been a family friendly let loose event