Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

raeah219

My friend and I are both engaged. Im looking for venues in the same area as her so I sent her text asking her to pass along any venues that she doesnt want to use for her wedding. She says "why didnt you RSVP for my wedding" I said, I never got the invitation. She says "I sent the email out" WHY WOULD YOU EMAIL ME YOUR INVITATION?!? To top it all off the sent it to the email I used in college. She didnt even check to see if the email was valid. I'm so sad because I really wanted to support her on her big day. 

Inkdancer

It isn't against etiquette, but it is kind of rude and not really appropriate for a wedding. If she's having a very informal ceremony, email invitations are fine. However, she really should have contacted you to make sure your information was up to date.

manateehugger

raeah219 said:

My friend and I are both engaged. Im looking for venues in the same area as her so I sent her text asking her to pass along any venues that she doesnt want to use for her wedding. She says "why didnt you RSVP for my wedding" I said, I never got the invitation. She says "I sent the email out" WHY WOULD YOU EMAIL ME YOUR INVITATION?!? To top it all off the sent it to the email I used in college. She didnt even check to see if the email was valid. I'm so sad because I really wanted to support her on her big day. 

Wait, you missed the wedding entirely? Or was she just trying to follow up and get your RSVP since she hadn't gotten an answer? Do you not talk to this person? How did you not know when her date was?

And yeah, the emailed invite is horrible. Oh and you can use the same venue as other people. 

Jen4948

Is she going to re-email it to you so you can accept, or is it too late?

Yes, this is exactly why paper invitations should be used as opposed to e-invitations.

RebeccaB88

Email invitations might be ok for a super-casual, very last minute invitation. If she emailed a formal wedding invitation, yeah, that's not really proper. But it sounds like it was just kind of lazy on her part to not make sure she had a valid address for you.

I'm more curious about why she needs RSVP's for invitations if she's still looking for a venue.  Did she mean to say save the date instead of invitation?  But then you don't RSVP to a save the date, so...

Maggie0829

raeah219 said:

My friend and I are both engaged. Im looking for venues in the same area as her so I sent her text asking her to pass along any venues that she doesnt want to use for her wedding. She says "why didnt you RSVP for my wedding" I said, I never got the invitation. She says "I sent the email out" WHY WOULD YOU EMAIL ME YOUR INVITATION?!? To top it all off the sent it to the email I used in college. She didnt even check to see if the email was valid. I'm so sad because I really wanted to support her on her big day. 

I am confused.  When is her wedding?  And when she didn't get a RSVP from you why didn't she call you once her RSVP date has passed?  And what does it matter what venues she didn't want to use for her wedding?

And this is another reason to not do invites via email.

raeah219

She said it was too late for me to RSVP. The only reason the RSVP conversation even came up was because i was asking her a question about wedding stuff and she just so happened to ask me. We are close enough that when she didnt get my RSVP she shouldve called me and double checked

Jen4948

raeah219 said:

She said it was too late for me to RSVP. The only reason the RSVP conversation even came up was because i was asking her a question about wedding stuff and she just so happened to ask me. We are close enough that when she didnt get my RSVP she shouldve called me and double checked

I'm sorry to hear that.  But it sounds like you might have dodged a bullet.

raeah219

I didnt want to use the same venue as her because we have the same group of friends and I dont want them coming to the same venue within months of each other. She says she needed a final headcount to give the two venues she is choosing between and that is why she sent the invites via email and that its too late to add to the list because she has already gotten final quotes from her top two venues. 

manateehugger

raeah219 said:

She said it was too late for me to RSVP. The only reason the RSVP conversation even came up was because i was asking her a question about wedding stuff and she just so happened to ask me. We are close enough that when she didnt get my RSVP she shouldve called me and double checked

Stuck

I'm sorry you're missing the wedding. Did you not know when her wedding was at all? Didn't you get curious?

Maggie0829

I didnt want to use the same venue as her because we have the same group of friends and I dont want them coming to the same venue within months of each other. She says she needed a final headcount to give the two venues she is choosing between and that is why she sent the invites via email and that its too late to add to the list because she has already gotten final quotes from her top two venues. 

What the what?

manateehugger

raeah219 said:

I didnt want to use the same venue as her because we have the same group of friends and I dont want them coming to the same venue within months of each other. She says she needed a final headcount to give the two venues she is choosing between and that is why she sent the invites via email and that its too late to add to the list because she has already gotten final quotes from her top two venues. 

Ok - wait, what? Your friend sounds clueless. There's no way a venue you haven't reserved cares about your guest count. If she hasn't paid anyone or reserved any venue, it's not too late. 

LondonLisa

OK, so it sounds like she was doing an email RSVP headcount for quote purposes based on who can come. This is definitely NOT the way to do it! If she is deciding between 2 venues, it sounds like she did a straw poll of who can come, then just paid for that instead of proper invites.

I know it hurts, but this is very thoughtless behaviour and incredibly rude on her part. Also, why would she not contact the people who haven't RSVP'ed? THis is going to sound mean, but she doesn't sound like she is a very good friend to you if she would let it go on this long. I would rethink this entire friendship TBH. 

APDSS22

If you're still choosing your venue, no way in heck should you be sending out invites to determine your final headcount before booking!  Either you're leaving the venue selection til too late or you're making guests RSVP crazy early for an event that they don't even know where it's being held.

manateehugger

Also - if she doesn't have a venue reserved - what location did the invitations list? I'M SO CONFUSED!

kmmssg

Yeah, something does not add up there at all.  If she is deciding between 2 venues she hasn't signed a contract and venues do NOT need final headcounts prior to signing a contract!

climbingsingle

I'm confused. When is this wedding happening?

Maggie0829

@raeah219 - When is your friends wedding exactly?  And what do you mean that she needs a final headcount to give the TWO venues she is deciding between?  So does that mean that she doesn't have a venue?  Are you sure that what she sent out wasn't just a STD, not an invite?

Please come back with some answers because we are all officially confused.

KickAssMOH

Your friend sounds looney.

PrettyGirlLost

This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

This girl hasn't even booked a venue yet, so @raeah219 it is not too late for you to RSVP because invitations haven't been sent out yet.  In fact, if your friend doesn't even have a venue booked then she doesn't actually have a wedding date yet. 

For all the lurkers, sure you can arbitrarily pick a date out of your ass and say that is your wedding date, but until you have signed contracts with your ceremony and reception venues, then you don't have a date because if one or both of the places you want to book are already committed to an event on the date you want, then you will need to change your date.

OP, talk to your friend and tell her that of course you would love to attend her wedding.  You don't need a final headcount to get a quote from a venue for pricing, but you should already have worked out what your budget and max guest list number will be prior to looking at venues.

Cookie Pusher

There's a whole lot wrong with this situation, and it isn't any of your doing. I am so confused on why she needed to have a final headcount before she even reserved the venue. She sounds like she has no idea how to plan a wedding.

Amyzen83

Im scratching my head right now at your friends fiasco! The venue and most if the details should at least be hashed out before even thinking of sending invites. Also my personal opinion is that FB invites and email invites for a wedding is extremely tacky! Showers and bachlarette parties sure why not but not the bloody wedding!

JaxInBlue

Can I be added to the list of confused people?  I totally get wanting an initial headcount - but we did that via an informal people of VIPs and then by writing out the rest of our guest list. 

OP, without a finalized contract for a venue, your friend shouldn't/can't be collecting final RSVPs.  There's a chance the venue will be booked, won't meet her financial needs, whatever.  Talk to her (and maybe suggest she head here if she has questions about planning/a timeline).  I'm sure there is still time for you to attend.

raeah219

Alright....No she does not have a venue. She is choosing between two of those "full service" places and she had to tell them how many guests she was expecting so that she could get a price quote. So thats why she sent out the evites. The e-vites dont have a location, just a date which is Dec. 20. She never called to see why i didnt RSVP or to check for a valid email. 

manateehugger

raeah219 said:

Alright....No she does not have a venue. She is choosing between two of those "full service" places and she had to tell them how many guests she was expecting so that she could get a price quote. So thats why she sent out the evites. The e-vites dont have a location, just a date which is Dec. 20. She never called to see why i didnt RSVP or to check for a valid email. 

AHHHH!!! This is a planning nightmare!!!

Ok, so the venue wanted a rough headcount. Does she not realize she doesn't need names attached to those heads quite yet? She just needs to know how many people she can afford to feed. 

She's trying to make people rsvp nearly a year in advance?!?! Does she not realize that this headcount will not be remotely accurate?! Especially since her wedding is 5 days before Christmas.

Your friend needs a planning intervention!

raeah219

I told her how sad i was that I missed the invite and her reply was "Well most of our other friends got it" I took that has a sign that she wasnt interested in adding me to the list. 

Amyzen83

Then that sounds more like a save the date than an actual invite and therefore RSVPs should NOT be expected from her. I get wanting to estimate head count as this is very common in choosing a venue but we estimated based on how many we intended to invite not responses. People may change their minds

Amyzen83

I'd explain this concept to ur friend

manateehugger

raeah219 said:

I told her how sad i was that I missed the invite and her reply was "Well most of our other friends got it" I took that has a sign that she wasnt interested in adding me to the list. 

Ok, but explain to her that she doesn't need her guest list yet. A headcount is not the same as a guest list. It's not too late at all. 

Maggie0829

@raeah219 - your friend is a fucking idiot!  The venue only needs an estimate on how many people she is thinking about inviting so they can give her a quote so she can then determine if that venue is within her budget.  Meaning, your friend should tell the venue, "oh we were thinking 130 people" and then venue will be like "cool, your quote for 130 people is $Y."  And if $Y is too expensive then your friend has to decide to go some place else or cut her guest list.

So no you are not going to miss her wedding unless she decides to hold it against you that you didn't RSVP to a non-invite.  I am sure the rest of the people who received that so called e-vite were thinking that she is crazy but just went along with the craziness.

lyndausvi

Interesting planning strategy.  

Lurkers  - DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME.