Birth Control - Ladies, help me out

thelastdreamer

Because of religious reasons, FI and I have chosen to wait until our wedding night to have sex. So now, with 8 months to go until the wedding, for the first time in my life I'm starting to look at birth control options. I feel pretty clueless, and want to make sure I'm making an informed decision. I'd always assumed I'd just go on the pill - that's what my mom, all my friends and female family members use - but now that I've done some homework, I'm a bit uncomfortable with that idea for a couple of reasons. I have consulted my doctor, read up a lot on all the types and now am just wanting some feedback from real-life ladies who use different methods.

I'm extremely pro-life, and for this reason, I'm really not comfortable with an IUD or another method that involves destruction of a fertilized egg. From my research, I've learned that some doctors believe that even the pill, the patch, and other hormone-based methods could have properties that would cause the uterine lining to thin and destroy a fertilized egg. I've had a hard time finding sources that verify how accurate that is, though. This is one of my concerns with the pill - no matter how small the odds are, the idea that by taking the pill (or using the patch or the ring) I could be destroying a fertilized egg that would be my child is really disconcerting to me. Any ladies who share similar beliefs who have dealt with religious dilemmas of birth control? 

Another concern I have with the pill is that I'd be pumping my body full of extraneous hormones. I've read that birth control has links to breast cancer and in general is just not good for your overall health. I also am concerned about it impacting my long-term ability to have kids.

So that leaves condoms, diaphragms, or natural methods.

I'd be ok with natural methods - I have confidence that I could be meticulous enough with temperature taking and monitoring my ovulation - but FI has pretty much balked at the idea he might have to wear a condom on the wedding night if I was ovulating. I get it, but at the same time I feel like my overall health should overrule this. He's not unreasonable and said he definitely understands my reservations with the pill, but still really hates the idea of having to wear a condom.

I'm curious about diaphragms/female condoms. I've found very little information about them aside from a few stats. Has anyone used them? Were they effective for you? What was your experience? 

I'm ok with using a method that's not 100% or even 99% effective. I'm going for at least 75%, though. If we got pregnant, it wouldn't be the end of the world. We're both stable financially and I know we could take care of a child, even though ideally we'd like to wait a few years. Because of this, I'm more willing to try newer/less known of methods.

I'd appreciate any insight - I know there are probably a lot of ladies here on the pill/patch/ring and I'd love to hear your thoughts on how it's impacted your body, your overall wellness and any side effects you've experienced or concerns you've had. 

monkeysip

Hormonal birth control's primary function is to stop ovulation, but it does have the back-up mechanism of thinning the lining of the uterus, making implantation difficult.

I also don't us artificial birth control for moral reasons, but practice natural family planning (well, practiced--now H and I are having a baby!).  I'm not going to lie--it's not easy.  The abstinence was not that bad, and since we dated for 10 years with no sex, abstaining a little after marriage is definitely not the end of the world for us.  BUT learning NFP can be difficult if you have crazy cycles like me.  I'm not saying impossible.  You can still learn it, and it is statistically just as effective as most other forms of birth control.  But just saying that it requires more effort than popping a pill each month, you know?

At the same time, the benefits are worth it to us.  I like not having chemicals/hormones in my body and I like being in touch with my body.  Charting with NFP actually helped me realize I have a progesterone deficiency, so I was able to get on progesterone immediately when I became pregnant to ensure that I didn't miscarry.  A lot of women realize various health issues after they've been charting for a while, then when you decide you do want to get pregnant one day, you can use charting to conceive.

A lot of people also use NFP with condoms or other barriers so they can avoid the abstinence.  So, natural sex when you're infertile, and barrier sex when you're fertile.  

Or, of course, you could just use barriers all the time.  I don't have experience with them, but I'm sure other ladies here can give you the advantages/disadvantages.

Good luck in your decision!

chibiyui

First, your FI needs to man up and grow a pair if the male condom is your best option for preventing pregnancy. It is not that big of a deal.
Second, do you still have an intact hymen? That could make it very hard/uncomfortable flr a diaphragm. You need to be measured for a diaphragm, and after intercourse you might meed to be remeasutrd. You should discuss this with your doctor.

cruffino

I've been on BC for a few years, first with the pill and now with the ring. I love the ring. It's had no side effects for me. Every woman responds differently to different types if BC, so there's a bit of trial and error involved.

I don't know the science around destruction of a fertilized egg so I can't speak to that. And there's nothing wrong with condoms, but I understand your FI's reaction. I wouldn't want to use one on my wedding night.

I've never tried natural family planning but it was spoken highly of at the catholic engaged encounter retreat that DH and I did. But the woman who spoke highly of it had 6 kids so....

chibiyui

thelastdreamer said:

Because of religious reasons, FI and I have chosen to wait until our wedding night to have sex. So now, with 8 months to go until the wedding, for the first time in my life I'm starting to look at birth control options. I feel pretty clueless, and want to make sure I'm making an informed decision. I'd always assumed I'd just go on the pill - that's what my mom, all my friends and female family members use - but now that I've done some homework, I'm a bit uncomfortable with that idea for a couple of reasons. I have consulted my doctor, read up a lot on all the types and now am just wanting some feedback from real-life ladies who use different methods.

I'm extremely pro-life, and for this reason, I'm really not comfortable with an IUD or another method that involves destruction of a fertilized egg. From my research, I've learned that some doctors believe that even the pill, the patch, and other hormone-based methods could have properties that would cause the uterine lining to thin and destroy a fertilized egg. I've had a hard time finding sources that verify how accurate that is, though. This is one of my concerns with the pill - no matter how small the odds are, the idea that by taking the pill (or using the patch or the ring) I could be destroying a fertilized egg that would be my child is really disconcerting to me. Any ladies who share similar beliefs who have dealt with religious dilemmas of birth control? 

Another concern I have with the pill is that I'd be pumping my body full of extraneous hormones. I've read that birth control has links to breast cancer and in general is just not good for your overall health. I also am concerned about it impacting my long-term ability to have kids.

So that leaves condoms, diaphragms, or natural methods.

I'd be ok with natural methods - I have confidence that I could be meticulous enough with temperature taking and monitoring my ovulation - but FI has pretty much balked at the idea he might have to wear a condom on the wedding night if I was ovulating. I get it, but at the same time I feel like my overall health should overrule this. He's not unreasonable and said he definitely understands my reservations with the pill, but still really hates the idea of having to wear a condom.

I'm curious about diaphragms/female condoms. I've found very little information about them aside from a few stats. Has anyone used them? Were they effective for you? What was your experience? 

I'm ok with using a method that's not 100% or even 99% effective. I'm going for at least 75%, though. If we got pregnant, it wouldn't be the end of the world. We're both stable financially and I know we could take care of a child, even though ideally we'd like to wait a few years. Because of this, I'm more willing to try newer/less known of methods.

I'd appreciate any insight - I know there are probably a lot of ladies here on the pill/patch/ring and I'd love to hear your thoughts on how it's impacted your body, your overall wellness and any side effects you've experienced or concerns you've had. 

JCbride2015

Hmmm.  I don't share the same religious beliefs but I've been on several different methods throughout the years, so I'll share my experiences.  Take it or leave it.

I am currently on the ring, have been for a few years, and so far it's the best for me.  It's extremely convenient, I barely have to think about it.  Yes, Fi can feel if it's in there, but it doesn't bother him.

I was on the patch before the ring.  It would get really linty from my clothing and sometimes I would get red irritation under where the patch was stuck.

The first method I tried was the pill.  I was constantly afraid I'd forget a pill (although I never actually did) and never felt completely safe using it.

Other than the skin irritation from the patch, birth control has never really affected my system in a way that I can tell.  No weight gain, changes in skin, mood, etc.  I rarely have PMS or cramps.

My understanding of how the ring and other hormonal BC methods work is that they prevent the egg from getting fertilized in the first place.  So although they might also make your uterine wall thinner and theoretically a fertilized egg would not implant, your eggs won't be getting fertilized anyway.  I think they thicken up the mucus in there so sperm can't reach the egg (ETA as monkeysip said, they stop ovulation as well) But if the what if thought bothers you for any reason, then that's your prerogative of course.

monkeysip

I mean, ovulation does apparently still happen seeing as how birth control is only about 99.5% effective with perfect use.  So 1 out of 200 women on it get pregnant each year, meaning that MORE than that had to have ovulated while on the pill (it has to be more since it's incredibly unlikely that every woman who ovulated got pregnant).  The problem is, doctors still aren't completely knowledgable about the mechanisms of contraception, and its hard to study something like this, so we can't be sure how many ovulations occurred and how many eggs may have been fertilized but couldn't implant.  I'm sure the percentage is really low, but still theoretically possible.

doeydo

I found this helpful:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm

monkeysip

Wow, their statistics on Fertility awareness methods (FAM/NFP) are way off.  Creighton and Billings are both 99% effective.  The Billings method was actually approved in China to help their one-child policy.  

Although, if you use barriers with FAM, then you actually reduce the efficacy if you use them during the fertile period.  

monkeysip

BTW, most hormonal BC will talk about the mechanisms in their information packets inside the package.

For example, this is one for Orthotricyclen  http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2005/021690lbl.pdf  

Page 2 addresses the secondary mechanism of thinning the lining.

Also, webmd mentions it, along with other helpful information about BC

http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/birth-control-pills

hikebikebemerry

IUDs do not destroy fertilized eggs.  It prevents the sperm from joining with the egg.

jdluvr06

I was using the ring until last year. I found it to be pretty convenient and there were no side effects for me. I can't add anything the PPs haven't already said.

monkeysip

Depends on the IUD.  Some hormones release hormones, which could affect the lining.  Others, like the copper ones, do not have that secondary mechanism.

hikebikebemerry

monkeysip said:

Depends on the IUD.  Some hormones release hormones, which could affect the lining.  Others, like the copper ones, do not have that secondary mechanism.

Fair enough, sorry for lack of clarification.

firebabe6519

I have the Implanon. It is implanted in your arm and removed after two years. It functions to prevent ovulation and thicken CM so that sperm can't swim up to the egg if you do ovulate.

Aside from a tiny scar where it was inserted, no side effects.

I have also done the pill, but am not a fan. You have to dose at the same time every day or else it doesn't work. Too much stress in my opinion .

LizM61409

The question of whether hormonal contraceptives inhibit implantation is basically impossible to answer. It's easy to prove that women on OCPs (or the patch or the ring) don't ovulate. There's no way to figure out whether an egg was fertilized when it doesn't result in a pregnancy (it's microscopic, you can't isolate it, and it doesn't start secreting hcg until after implantation). Plus, if you did see this, you'd have to show that it occurs at a higher rate than normal (FYI a majority of fertilized eggs never become babies, and never even become a pregnancy you're aware of, whether you're on birth control or not!)

So even though some doctors believe contraception can work by blocking implantation, there's no evidence that's what happens. It's completely theoretical. All the evidence we DO have points to blocked ovulation, as well as cervical mucous changes that prevent sperm from getting there in the first place.

Also, I have to correct you on the breast cancer thing. The birth control pill is just about the most studied medication of all time, and there is NO link to breast cancer. It actually reduces your risk of uterine, ovarian and colon cancer.

The only method of contraception that affects your future ability to have kids (aside from tubal ligation) is depo-provera, and then only for ~6 months or so after

MyNameIsNot

Some of the information you've presented about hormonal birth control doesn't sound right.  Is that information you've gotten from your doctor or information you're read on the internet?  Quite frankly, it sounds like propaganda.  The idea that birth control can cause breast cancer has long been debunked, but is often used to scare people. 

Nonetheless, if you are opposed to hormonal birth control, male condoms (at least temporarily) and abstinence are your best options.  If you are a virgin, you probably won't be able to comfortably use a female condom or diaphragm right away.  You also probably can't have a non-hormonal IUD inserted.  (Many docs won't even insert them in women who've never had a child).  

I get your FI's hesitation; condoms are inconvenient.  But the inconvenience of a condom is far outweighed by discomfort to you.  Use condoms for a couple of months and then revisit the issue with your doctor.  You'll have a better idea of your person comfort levels.  

thelastdreamer

Wow, thanks so much for all the responses!

- I don't have a hymen. I had some medical procedures done when I was a young teen and the doctor removed it in the process. 

- I can't verify the information about hormonal birth control. I have read info online, but I also talked to one of my friends who is in her last year of med school studying to be a OBGYN, and she said that her understanding was that yes, hormone birth control does thin the lining of the uterus, which means that if you conceived while on BC, the fertilized egg would likely not survive. She said there are no good stats on how to tell how often this is though, because obviously, like PPs said, about 1 in every 200 women get pregnant on BC, but how many of the other 199 had fertilized eggs that didn't survive? No good answer. I also talked to my doc about this but she kind of brushed it off and told me not to worry about it. I should have pressed harder, but I was nervous and didn't. 

- Good to know about not being able to use a female condom (at least not easily) as a virgin. 

@monkeysip, about how far in advance before the wedding did you start learning NFP? I've heard you're supposed to start tracking your cycles at least 8 months in advance, so if I decide on this I want to do it ASAP. Did you take a class? Did you base your wedding on when you knew you wouldn't need to abstain? If FI and I did it, we'd probably use barriers during the ovulating period rather than just abstain. My cycles are pretty regular, so hopefully that would make it easier to track. Do you use mainly the basal thermometer method? I've heard that's the most reliable way ...

Thanks guys! I really appreciate everyone's thoughts.

thelastdreamer

LizM61409 - Really appreciated your insight. Thanks

monkeysip

I started learning about 5 months before the wedding by taking classes with my Creighton instructor.

Our wedding date was set wwaaayyy before that, so we couldn't try and line it up that way.  Also, my cycles aren't regular, so it wouldn't have mattered any way.  I don't ovulate on the same day each month.

We were prepared to abstain on the wedding night/honeymoon, fortunately I was infertile for most of it so we didn't have to.  

Creighton relies on cervical mucus signs only.  Temperature is a good cross-check, but your cervical mucus is the most *essential* way to determine your fertility.  

I wouldn't say a particular method is more reliable than the other.  What's important is that you learn a method that is right FOR YOU.  For example, for some women, tracking temp is very reliable.  For other women, their temps don't show a clear pattern.  And the different methods have different ways to track your mucus.  Some require physically observing it, others go off just sensation (sorry if this TMI for people here--just trying to be informative).  It just depends on your lifestyle and preferences.

I have a lot of friends who have an easy time with NFP.  Observing your fertility signs becomes second nature.  I had more difficulty than most just because I have some cycle problems that my doctor was trying to work on.  But I still highly recommend it.  Especially since it's better to discover those problems now than later in life.

monkeysip

Actually, the WHO confirms that hormonal contraceptives are a Class 1 Carcinogen.

They increase your risk of breast, liver, and cervical cancer.

They DO reduce your risk of ovarian and uterine, HOWEVER, a single pregnancy reduces your risk of ovarian and uterine cancer more than many years of taking contraception.

http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/ageing/cocs_hrt_statement.pdf

SammiNJonni

Hormonal BC will affect every woman differently. Your FI needs to man up and accept that condoms may be the method you have to use if your body has adverse reactions to other BC methods. I would also not start a hormonal BC method right before the wedding so it is good that you are looking into all your options now. My gyn told me it takes a womans body about 3 months to fully adjust to BC. I had to try a few types of pills before finding the one that worked for me and now I am looking into implanon. Most BC pills trick your body into thinking it is pregnant preventing it from releasing an egg and if taken correctly same time every day have a 99.5% success rate. They will also thin the lining of your uterus but if no egg is released then you are not dealing with a fertilized egg being unable to implant properly. I had horrible periods before the pills that would last about 2 weeks I love the thinner uterine lining because it means shorter periods for me.  

JennyColada

I've been on my BC pills for about 11 years now, so I'd be happy to offer my personal insight on that.

WinstonsGirl

I've done BCP, and you may need to try several before you find one that works well for you. You'll also need a few months before it's fully effective. I currently have a copper IUD. I've never had kids, so feel free to get a second or third opinion if your Dr. won't put one in. It hurts like a MFer going in though, since your cervix hasn't dilated before. The copper is a natural spermacide will kill many of the sperm before they have a chance to reach the egg. It also irritates the uterus, making implantation unlikely. Female condoms are expensive, difficult to use and not nearly as effective as male condoms. Diaphragms have been discontinued in Canada, so I can't speak to those. Please realize that almost all methods of BC can prevent a fertilized egg from becoming a pregnancy. Condoms don't, nor does NFP - they essentially stop the meeting of sperm and egg and that's it. But since many hormonal methods also prevent the uterus from being ready for implantation, there is still the possibility of fertilization with most methods (just thinking off the top of my head here, so please correct if I've missed any). Talk to your Dr about your concerns and see what ideas they have and what would be best for you ETA: I have paragraphs when I type but then they disappear to Knot-Neverland

artbyallie

So your fiancé is also a virgin and yet is opposed to condoms? He doesn't even know what they feel like yet, nor what sex feels like without them. I've never used them, but I am given to understand they can be great when properly used (lube inside and out).

I also don't understand the feeling against 'extra hormones,' but then, my natural hormones just suck. I had awful periods before starting BC, so painful I missed school for a day or two nearly every month. But there is also a mini-pill, with fewer hormones, that may be effective for you. And of course the copper IUD has none if you go that route, though it will result in some painful cramping since you have never had a baby and that makes the insertion through the cervix more difficult.

I do agree with PP that some of the things you are claiming sound like they came from propaganda sources. Please learn the real science concerning those topics.

monkeysip

I don't really see what she said sounds like unfounded propaganda.  If you read the insert of your own birth control, you'll see the mechanism of how it thins the uterine lining, and you'll also see the many possible side effects.

And our bodies are supposed to work with our own natural hormones, not added artificial ones.  People throw such a HUGE deal about hormones added to our food and milk, when the hormones in BC are 100X the amount found in non-organic foods.  

Again, if you read the cancer society and the WHO, they all discuss the cancer links and the fact that its class 1 carcinogen.  

Don't get me wrong, women should have the choice to decide what BC is right for them.  Talk to your doctor and make your own decision.  Just saying that a lot of this stuff isn't "propaganda".

stef42188

%s are incorrect but I just wanted to add this

WinstonsGirl

Since I haven't seen anyone else mention this, I'd like to add that it takes 2 people to make a baby and 2 to prevent it as well.  If you FI doesn't want to wear a condom, then he needs to find another method to him to prevent pregnancy.  It's not just your job (though we do have more options of course).  He needs to take some responsibility in this as well and not wanting to wear a condom is a lot different than pumping hormones into your body or having something medically impacted into your body.   He needs to suck it up and wrap it up, IMHO.  

mbross3

Hmmm. I don't share your religious views and tend to think that by "pro-life" you mean "pro-birth" but I will say that you are doing a smart thing by considering all your BC options. 

If you are anti hormonal BC I highly recommend the female/receptive condom. I personally use the pill and have found a great hormone level and it has worked wonderfully for me for almost 10 years. However, even while on the pill there were definitely times I used condoms, and I prefer female condoms to male condoms. For one, it doesn't roll up in the way that male condoms sometime can, which is annoying, and it has the added benefit of providing additional stimulation with the external ring. 

ETA: I also agree with PP--your FI should be taking some of this burden on himself. It takes two to make a baby. If he is a virgin too, he has no idea what a condom feels like. Don't knock it til you've tried it. I recommend trying a few different choices to see what works best for both of you. 

I hope you find something that works for you!!

FiancB

It's true that a lot of hormonal methods thin the lining, but you are so unlikely to ovulate. Really, you're more likely to have a miscarriage while off of birth control and never even know it. Not that many fertilized eggs manage to implant, period. I think my bio teacher said something like 60% of fertilized eggs don't make it to that point. 

My sister is Catholic and uses NFP and has been pretty happy with it. She didn't have it right at first and ended up with a honeymoon baby, but other than that she's successfully used it both to prevent and to conceive. If you're considering it, I'd start tracking your cycles now as it takes a little time to get the hang of. 

Boy doesn't know what a condom is even like so I don't get it what his deal is. They aren't great, but not bad either. Even when I had an implant FI often insisted on using one, so they can't be that bad. He did note he didn't like the free ones from PP, so I suppose it's worth getting the "good" ones. 

Personally I've used condoms by themselves, I've been on several different pills, and I've used implanon. Pills have been my favorite. The implanon made me be on my period nearly constantly and I gave up and had it taken out after a year. 

A sponge with spermicide may be another option. We did it with a sponge in a few times since the bleeding wouldn't stop from the implant. This is by far less effective than condoms or hormones though. 

hellohkb

I agree with the PP who said your FH should suck it up. Preventing pregnancy should not be solely the woman's responsibility. 

I would talk to your gyn and see if you could get fitted for a diaphragm as well as practice NFP. I have used Seasonique but stopped after a few months. I'm in the same boat as you in looking for birth control options.