New Step mom

[Deleted User]

My fiancé has lost both his mother and his step mom (of 28 years).  Now is dad is remarried for a 3rd time.  They have only been married for about a year, and its only 2 years since his step mom passed away.  This new wife is nice and we like her, but she will never be his mom.  how much/little should we include her in the wedding?  Do we give her a corsage?  He is doing his mother/son Dance with his biological moms sister.  Is this wrong?  What do we do?

doeydo

Well, it isn't a mother/son dance if he is dancing with his aunt (unless his aunt raised him or something).  If he wants to have a special/spotlight dance with someone he is close to, that is perfectly fine, but it is not required.  If you are giving corsages to other VIP's spouses, then it would be a nice gesture to give one to her as well. 

CMGragain

Sarahnel said:

My fiancé has lost both his mother and his step mom (of 28 years).  Now is dad is remarried for a 3rd time.  They have only been married for about a year, and its only 2 years since his step mom passed away.  This new wife is nice and we like her, but she will never be his mom.  how much/little should we include her in the wedding?  Do we give her a corsage?  He is doing his mother/son Dance with his biological moms sister.  Is this wrong?  What do we do?

This sounds a little too judgy.  I think you should welcome his new step-mother, and definitely get her a corsage!  She will sit next to your FI's father, which is her proper place as his wife.  I never understand substituting people for special dances.  At daughter's wedding, there was no mother-son dance because his mother is not able to dance due to injuries and her health.  I would just skip that dance completely.

Teddy917

I don't see why people think it's odd for OP's Fi to dance with his aunt. We always say you can dance with anyone for the father/daughter dance. Why shouldn't it be the same for the mother/son?

Teddy917

scribe95 said:

She has to be included as a VIP - sitting with his dad, and yes I would get her a corsage.

I also find the mother/son dance with aunt a little odd. I would skip it.

She doesn't have to be a VIP, if OP and her Fi don't want her to be. She is her Fi's dad's SO and must be sat next to him. Anything else is up to OP and her Fi.

Ven&Radio

We had a similar situation.  FIL remarried recently and H doesn't know the new wife well at all (we live hundreds of miles from them, so hard to get to know her).  At our wedding, we got her flowers like the other mom's.  She walked down the aisle and was introduced into the reception with FIL.  I did not invite her to get her hair/makeup done or get ready with the rest of the women (including my mom and MIL). 

MairePoppy

I don't think it's strange that fi wants to dance with his aunt. The aunt will probably be thrilled to have the honor. But, it's not necessary for him to have a dance, just because you're doing the father/daughter dance. 

Your FFILs wife will be his date for the wedding. She should be seated with him for the ceremony and reception. If FFIL is included in the reception entrance with introductions, his wife should be introduced.  I understand that they were married after your Fi became an adult, so it makes sense that he doesn't consider her to be a mother figure. A corsage for the wife would be a very nice gesture. 

sweetwisconsin

@CMGragain I don't think it sounds too judgy. She is simply giving us a timeline/backstory and she never said anything about not welcoming her.

I agree with other posts. She is your FI father's date and should be seated with him. A corsage would be a nice gesture, but not completely necessary. And as far as the dance, I think you should do whatever is most comfortable for your FI.

Jen4948

scribe95 said:

She has to be included as a VIP - sitting with his dad, and yes I would get her a corsage.

I also find the mother/son dance with aunt a little odd. I would skip it.

No, she doesn't.  The most she has to be treated as is his father's partner.  Beyond that, she is not entitled to a corsage or a dance.

melbenso

FI's father passed away several years ago.  FMIL and her new husband have been married for about 2 years. We are getting FI's step-father a boutonniere (it's a small expense and it will make FMIL happy, we doubt he cares either way, but when they got married, FMIL got me a corsage so it just seems right) and will likely include him in some, but not all, of our family pictures. 

I don't know that you have to get step-mom a corsage, but it is a nice gesture.  And unless your budget is terribly, terribly tight, something that is easily afforded.  If nothing else, it will probably make your FFIL happy that his new wife is included.  And that would be worth a few extra dollars for flowers in my opinion.