What is Etiquette and why does it matter? A FAQ (by myself (hlvonb) and Schatzi13 )

phira

@OnceUponaSnow I'm entirely aware that etiquette is a social construct. The goal of this post is to explain how etiquette and tradition are often not the same thing, since many people show up here (or WB or WW) complaining that they're non-traditional (great!) which is why they're going to [insert etiquette mistake here]. "We're not traditional, so we're getting married outside with no seating," or "We're not traditional, so we're going to ask guests to bring flowers for our centerpieces."

Yes, etiquette rules are grounded in sociology and not biology, and are therefore a social construct. But just because something is a social construct doesn't make it not real. I'd have a hard time explaining to a cop that speed limits are social constructs if he or she pulled me over for speeding ...

PrettyGirlLost

Sabinus15 said:

JCBride2014 said:

I love this. I feel that I must point out that the level of directness/ slight snark is fantastic but will probably still send noobs running. Seriously, can the TK regs (I'm not including myself in this, still learning from you ladies) get together and publish an etiquette book or something?

HA, you've got to be kidding. Good luck with that. You'll need it with how far out of touch you all are with society. 

Oh please.  Who pissed in your Cheerio's today?

OnceUponSnow said:

laurynm84 said:

You can't be sure if every single person at your wedding is ok with dollar dances. Also, if someone is upset and thinks you are rude because you didn't provide alcohol ( ie dry wedding) than they are the rude one. Just because someone or even a majority of people prefer something doesn't make the host rude for not providing it.

If I'm having a 70 guest wedding, most of them are my family and friends, most of them had a dollar dance when they got married (well, it's not true, it's not really part of my family tradition, although it was more common in older generations, but hypothetically), then why is there any reason to think they'll suddenly dislike the idea and think they're poorly treated overall ? Also, am I wrong thinking you're not obligated to participate ? Unless you are dragging each and every guest to the dancefloor, requesting them to pin dollars on your dress, I don't really see why this would be a problem even if the minority doesn't like the idea. However, I do believe this is not a safe practice if you're having an extended guest list, as obviously, people will come from more diverse backgrounds, cultures and traditions than if your wedding guest list is limited to close family and friends only.

About the dry wedding, there's context kicking in to explain why it would be perceived rude in my circle.

I'm Italian and Dollar Dances are "common" or a "tradition" at many Italian weddings.  My aunts and uncles and cousins have been subjected to them at many family and non family weddings for decades.  The 1st thing my aunts asked me when I became engaged was if I was having a dollar dance. . . and when I said "No" they exclaimed, 'Oh thank God, I hate them!  They are so damn tacky."

They never ever went to a wedding and made that proclamation at the reception during the dollar dance, but all of these years they have been thinking this and hating the dollar dance, even though it was "common" in their circle or part of their "culture."