Honorary Bridesmaid?

AshleyP42

I have a friend I've known about a year.  I wouldn't say we're super-close in the sense we don't confide in each other or really hang out outside of team we're both on and parties, get-togethers, etc.  However, we have gotten closer the past few months and when it comes to my wedding she has been just as supportive, involved, and helpful as my bridesmaids.  She even helped keep the peace when my bridesmaids started to have a bunch of drama surrounding my bachelorette party (she was on the email string since she was being invited).  She even moved the date of her own bridal shower so she could go.  And although I didn't invite her when I shopped for my dress, I have invited her to all the other "girls' day" events- she loved being there and I loved having her there.  Because of all this, I feel like she practically is a bridesmaid.  However, I already have four bridesmaids and don't really want a fifth. 

I'm trying to think of a way to acknowledge her and show my appreciation without having her actually be a bridesmaid.  I have been planning on giving my bridesmaids their gifts at my bachelorette, and was thinking of giving her something too- something smaller than what I'm giving the other girls.  Could this be offensive to the actual bridesmaids?  Or is there another reason I shouldn't do this, or something else I could do instead?  I'm open to ideas.  Thanks in advance for the advice

Jen4948

If you really want her to be a bridesmaid, make her a bridesmaid.  Don't worry about "even sides" if that's the reason you don't want a fifth bridesmaid.  You can also ask her to be a reader.

nebullama

I think giving her a small gift and maybe a heartfelt note of thanks and appreciation for her friendship would be a nice idea.

Will there be other women at your bachelorette who are not bridesmaids? If so it might make them feel left out if you gave her this gift at the party. Giving gifts to your BMs at such an event makes sense, and might be expected by others. Giving a gift to someone who is not a part of your wedding party in front of others might not be perceived as well.

As for your bridesmaids I'm not sure. They might feel a bit hurt, though I don't see why they should, or they might just admire your generosity.

In any case I would absolutely refrain from referring to her as an "honorary bridesmaid."

mlg78

I don't think it's appropriate to give wedding party gifts at the bachelorette if non-wedding party people will be there. I'd wait until the rehearsal dinner... I wouldn't call her an honorary bridesmaid... Thank her for her supportive friendship and perhaps give her a small gift but that's it.

delujm0

You can make her a BM or a reader, but do not call her an "honorary bridesmaid."  That comes off as "you were SO CLOSE to being a BM but you just didn't make the cut."  It's pretty offensive.  i know you don't mean it that way, but tha is how it comes off.

 

You shouldn't give BM gifts at the bachelorette unless everyone there is getting one.  That's why this is usually done at the reheasal dinner, theoretically when only members of the wedding party are present.

 

If you don't want to make her a BM, you can still write her a lovely thank you note and give her a gift.

AshleyP42

Thanks for the advice!  I'll stick with just a small gift and thank-you card, and will figure out another time to give the bachelorette gifts- maybe at a Girls Night Out with just the BMs.  I didn't want to wait until the rehearsal because part of the gifts are "bridesmaid emergency kits" filled with things they can use during the wedding weekend.

aurianna

I have a friend; I wasn't in her wedding. However we were close and I was very involved in her wedding, especially the weekend of (running errands, cleaning up, helping her get dressed, etc). And when she gave the bridesmaids bouquets, she also gave me and our other friend a corsage. No fake empty title or anything in the program, but just a little something special.
A little gift would be nice.

jenna8984

AshleyP42 said:

Thanks for the advice!  I'll stick with just a small gift and thank-you card, and will figure out another time to give the bachelorette gifts- maybe at a Girls Night Out with just the BMs.  I didn't want to wait until the rehearsal because part of the gifts are "bridesmaid emergency kits" filled with things they can use during the wedding weekend.

What kind of things are in this bag? If it's like a nice beach bag and beach towel that they can use regularly that's good. But if it's just wedding related items like bobby pins, lip gloss or matching attire that's really not a gift.

alisonoo

I agree with most of the ladies here. Don't give her an empty title, but DO give her a nice small gift and a note away from the other wedding participants. I was in a similar situation as your "honorary bridesmsid" and the bride gave me a nice personal note and moved me up to the reserved section to sit with the family (my Fiance was the best man). 

AshleyP42

@aurianna and alisonoo- those are good ideas!  Thanks!  It's nice to know I can show my appreciation in a way that won't be insulting to anyone (the BMs or to her).

@jenna8984- the bags (reusable totes) do include those kinds of things (bobby pins, etc), as well as things that can be used for both the wedding weekend and afterwards (like super-comfy sandals or ballet-style shoes), along with non-wedding stuff like champagne or wine (maybe with a custom-made "Thank You" label).  I haven't decided on everything yet- I wanted to do something thoughtful by providing those practical things for them, but I definitely want to make sure there are aspects to the gift that are not wedding-related because I agree- it wouldn't quite be a thank-you gift if it were just things like bobby pins and chapstick