Destination Wedding = Higher Priced Attendant Gifts??

AliLovesJD

We are having our wedding in SC near where we live. About 90% of our guest list would be traveling to come to the wedding. This includes the Best Man, MOH, and all the bridesmaids. We were setting a budget of $35/$40 for each persons gifts. The whole wedding is costing under $15,000 so our budget is tight.

All the girls drink tea/coffee so I was going to get them personalized mugs ($20) and the pearl earrings for the wedding ($15/20).
We were going to give the guys 50cal bullets that have been turned into beer bottle openers with their names engraved ($20) and personalized flasks ($15/20).

Does this sound okay?

I know it isn't much but it's really all I can afford. Does this sound okay? I've been told I should do more since I'm asking so much of them. I feel bad because I really can't afford to...

delujm0

Gifts don't need to be expensive.  They just need to be thoughtful and include a well-written thank you note.

 

That having been said, the earrings you mention are not actually a gift.  They are part of the wedding day wardrobe.  Would all of these girls wear the earrings again?  Are you sure?  I have plenty of earrings laying around that were "attendant gifts" that i have never worn again.  I don't consider them gifts.  I could have just as easily worn my own earrings that day.

 

As long as everyone has similar interests, it's ok to get them all the same thing if you know they would like and use it.  The thank you note is really the most important thing here.  They decided to travel to your wedding, that cost is on them.  They didn't agree to it just to get a big gift.  The fact that your wedding is out of town doesn't mean that you need to spend more money on them.  But do make sure that your gifts are thoughtful.

Fran1985

First of all, I think a wedding is only a destination wedding when the couple picks a random place to get married that's not where they live or where they grew up. Like if you live in SC and your family lives in VA and you pick Bermuda, that's a destination wedding. Having it where you live isn't a destination wedding, even if people have to travel. At tons of weddings people are going to have to travel, its up to them to decide whether to go or not.

If you were having a tropical vacation DW I do think the gifts should be higher. But you are just having your wedding where you live. The most important thing is that they are thoughtful. So I think your price range sounds ok, but your gifts sound generic honestly. I don't think a mug would make me feel like you thought about my interests. Now I happen to love Brazilian coffee. If you gave me a mug and my favorite bag of unique coffee, I would know you put thought into that. Maybe try making them a little more personal.

ei34

It's a nice gesture to give a more generous gift if it's within your budget and it's a DW.  Your wedding isn't a DW though, it's where you live, so don't feel pressure to go over the budget you've set.

The pearl earrings aren't a gift- if you're expecting (requiring?) them to wear them with their bridesmaid dresses, they're part of the BM uniform.  A possible option would be letting them wear their own earrings, and with a budget of $35-40 per person, you could get a good-sized Starbucks (or DD, or Coffee Bean Tea Leaf) gift card to go with a nice mug. 

MairePoppy

IMO, the gift is not a payment for the wedding party, based on their expenses. It's an expression of how you feel about them. I would scrap the engraved bottle openers and monogrammed mugs and earrings to be worn as part of their wedding attire. Spend $40 on individual gifts, based on their interests. Like the old saying, 'It's the thought that counts.' It would be nice to include a handwritten note with each gift.

hikebikebemerry

I have gotten pearl earrings for BOTH of the weddings that I have been a BM in.  Oh, and I already owned some, so now I have 4 pairs of pearl earrings.

MyNameIsNot

AliLovesJD said:

We are having our wedding in SC near where we live. About 90% of our guest list would be traveling to come to the wedding. This includes the Best Man, MOH, and all the bridesmaids. We were setting a budget of $35/$40 for each persons gifts. The whole wedding is costing under $15,000 so our budget is tight.

All the girls drink tea/coffee so I was going to get them personalized mugs ($20) and the pearl earrings for the wedding ($15/20).
We were going to give the guys 50cal bullets that have been turned into beer bottle openers with their names engraved ($20) and personalized flasks ($15/20).

Does this sound okay?

I know it isn't much but it's really all I can afford. Does this sound okay? I've been told I should do more since I'm asking so much of them. I feel bad because I really can't afford to...

Gifts don't have to be pricey, and they don't have to match the wedding budget, but honestly, I would splurge a bit more for WP that is spending the time and money to travel to a wedding.  I didn't have a ton of money to spend, but when one of my BMs got on two flights (b-party and wedding) to celebrate with me, I would have felt horrible giving her a mug.  

Either way, a gift should be thoughtful and personal.  Jewelry for the wedding is not a gift at all.  It's part of your wedding decor, just like their bouquets.  

Honestly, I would find a personalized mug a little generic and chintzy.  Rather than spending that money on a mug and some earrings for your wedding, you could spend $40 to select a thoughtful, personal gift for each person that would mean so much more.  

AliLovesJD

Thank you for the responses!

My other concern was the gifts needing to fly back with them. I had originally thought of bottles of wine with thank you labels, a wine ring with their name, and a makeup bag. But the wine traveling gave me pause.

My fiance goes shooting with the guys so he really wants to give them the bullet bottle opener. I think we may just add the bottles of wine/liquor to the gifts and then spring for shipping to send them to their houses.

Does this sound better?

mlg78

You could also have something delivered to them after the wedding. I'd scrap the wine idea. Wine is expensive to ship. You could give them a heartfelt card at the time when most people give gifts and in there state a gift will be delivered when they return.

kat & matt

Where in SC are you? I'm in Charleston so can relate to everyone thinking we are having a destination wedding. To us it's just getting married where we live.

 I would kind of treat the gifts like mini birthday presents. You probably wouldn't buy 5 people the same birthday present. I don't think they all have to be the same either. That being said, you can only do what you can afford. A thoughtful gift doesn't have to be expensive. 

JoanE2012

AliLovesJD said:

Thank you for the responses!

My other concern was the gifts needing to fly back with them. I had originally thought of bottles of wine with thank you labels, a wine ring with their name, and a makeup bag. But the wine traveling gave me pause.

My fiance goes shooting with the guys so he really wants to give them the bullet bottle opener. I think we may just add the bottles of wine/liquor to the gifts and then spring for shipping to send them to their houses.

Does this sound better?

I'd skip anything personalized.  I feel like things with someone's name is good when you're eight, not an adult.  Just shop for them each individually.  They don't need matching gifts and they don't have to be expensive.