BIL'S on/off/on wedding (updated, end)

jenna8984

FI works with truck drivers and is hardly ever phased by rude, insensitive comments and even he was like "holy shit, she said that?! to the kid's face??" 

I am so happy your hubby stood up for you- now that's what marriage is about, always got each other's back even if it's your own (BSC) grandma! 

Cookie Pusher

Whoa. I missed so much by actually doing work at the office today! HGF, I'm so glad you gave BSCG a piece of your mind. The things she said today were so incredibly rude and hurtful, and I'm so glad your husband had your back. Hopefully, you've been properly wined and dined, and can put this whole mess behind you!

banana468

I hope you're now having a great dinner and all the wine!

huskypuppy14

I along with everyone else am appalled she said that to her own great grandchild. It's one thing to make rude comments to her grandson's wife, even though it's incredibly rude, you are an adult and can take it. But to say something like that to a child is just heartless.

Why is she still invited to things?

HisGirlFriday13

I'm pretty sure that after today, she won't be invited to things.

She called DH while we were are our friends' house for dinner. It was late, so he took the call.

He said, 'Have you called to apologise?'
She said, 'No, I've called to tell you you have to pick, HisGirl or me.'
He said, 'Like that's a fucking choice. Obviously I choose MY WIFE.'

And then he hung up on her.

She must have then called his father and aunt, who blew up DH's phone until he turned it off. He said, 'Thank God your family is normal.'

This isn't over, I can feel it -- she will fight us on this decision. But he's on the side, solidly, of no more contact ever. I can live with this.

banana468

Well, while she can fight you, you can only allow her back in with YOUR consent.

Big hugs with all of that. You and your husband are a great team to support each other the way you do. I hope he had a fair share of fermented beverages tonight too.

hikebikebemerry

I really hope that lurkers are reading this... It completely sucks that she's a terrible person, but the way your DH is reacting, by being an advocate for you and your marriage is really the way it should be done.

HisGirlFriday13

Oh, banana, he did. We both did.

And you're right about letting her back in. He and I talked about it tonight and I told him that no apology would he sufficient. The bridge has been irreparably burned. I'm not interested, even for his sake, making up and being faux nice. I'm done.

If she apologises, and he wants to resume some kind of relationship with her (HIGHLY HIGHLY doubtful), I won't stand in the way.

But until the day they plant her in the ground, I won't see her again. And that means no holidays with her, not allowing her to see any future babies, not inviting her to their baptisms, etc.

I told him all that, and he said he agreed. He wants her to apologise just because she was wrong and no one else has ever made her apologise before, but he doesn't see it happening. He's sad, but he also saw her true colours today for the first time ever and he's disgusted.

He said, 'Whatever loyalty I owed her for saving me from my parents is gone when she can't love my wife, or at least be tolerably nice and pleasant.'

If nothing else, Happy Valentine's Day to me -- it's nice to have him having my back so solidly. I know he always does, but he's never seen how awful she was until today. So that's pretty great.

KytchynWitche

I'm so sorry I wasn't here for this, but I am so very much more sorry that BSCG is so FBSC.

You have all my sympathy and all my hugs, all the wine, and ALL the apple pie ice cream!

lyndausvi

Your husband is awesome.

NavyBlue143

Your husband gets ALL the cookies. And so do you, for telling that horrible excuse for a human being off.

FiancB

Your husband rocks. Even when it's a really cut and dry case like this, it's hard to basically disown family. Despite how awful she is, he is probably going to have some guilt and other crap to go through. 

kmmssg

OMG... I haven't been around til today to read all of this. There aren't enough warm hugs or good vibes to send you. My heart just breaks for all of you and your precious nephew. I am a Nana to 6 and I think I would come unglued beyond words if someone said that to one of them. I don't have words to tell you how livid this makes me and I am sure it pales in comparison to how you all feel. Kudos to you for being done with her and kudos to your DH for seeing her clearly and putting you first.

HisGirlFriday13

Thanks, all of you. This is going to be hard and I know he's going to feel guilt. And, as FiancB said, even when it's cut and dried, it's not always easy to disown family.

I have no idea how this is going to play out. I told DH he should talk to his brother and they should figure out where they are emotionally.

SIL and I texted; she's done. She said granny will never see her or her kid again. She waited 10 year for yesterday and granny ruined her memories of it. I don't blame her.

I'm not a physically violent person (as evidenced by my go-round with granny, I can swear with the best of them), but I would honest-to-God love to just fucking slap this woman.

RWS2011

Holy, WHAT?  This whole ordeal with your DH's Grandma is a cornucopia of crazy.  Serious respect to you for holding her accountable and just generally being a bad-ass!

jdluvr06

I really can't imagine how hard this has to be for your husband. To have someone you love be treated like that by a relative is just horrible. The worse thing any of my relatives has said to my FI is that he should cut his hair.

HisGirlFriday13

jdluvr06 said:

I really can't imagine how hard this has to be for your husband. To have someone you love be treated like that by a relative is just horrible. The worse thing any of my relatives has said to my FI is that he should cut his hair.

Thanks for the sympathy! It really is SOOOO hard for him, especially because (not to sound braggy), but my family is fecking awesome.

We're going to visit my parents next weekend, and my mom's all like, 'OK, I'm making a chocolate cake with PB icing for DH's birthday dinner, because it's his favourite, and what does he want for a meal? Anything he wants, I'll make it!"

Because that's what she DOES -- my whole life, my dad and brother and I (and now my SIL, my husband, and my nephew) get whatever we want for a birthday dinner. It's mom's way of showing she loves us, and it's just tradition. Daddy always picks pot roast with mashed potatoes (winter bday), brother picks spaghetti and meatballs, I pick roasted chicken or turkey with stuffing, nephew picks 'gill cheese!', SIL picks a roast (also winter bday), etc. 

My mom did it for DH last year and he was just shocked -- he told me repeatedly, 'No one has ever been this nice to me on my birthday before.' Which of course made me want to cry. 

So on the one hand, DH has my family, who love him and welcomed him with open arms and treat him like family in a GOOD way, and on the other hand, he has BSC granny, who doesn't see anything wrong with what she did, and thinks it's 'all HisGirl's fault' that her family hates her.

Uhm, no, you batty old battleaxe, they all hate you 'cause you're a fucking bitch.

FiancB

I really feel for your husband because I'm the one with the crazy family. Nothing like this, but I understand at least a little. I totally get jealous that his family is way more awesome than mine. 

jdluvr06

Your family sounds a lot like mine just on a bit of a smaller scale (not the kindness scale, I just have a million relatives). I feel bad that your dh didn't have that kind of family growing up. I teared up a little reading that no one was that nice to him on his birthday. I'm sending tons of positive energy and love your and dh's way.

AshleyNicole1218

Sorry HGF...not that the sentiment is nearly enough for what you've been through. I've been on a "trying to look at the bright side" kick lately, and the first thing I thought of after your post about FI's birthday was "it's so great he has people like you and your family in his life". Life may be rough with his family, but it sounds like he has found a wonderful family in yours. Xo

pinkcow13

I started reading this like

And when BSC Granny said that awful comment to your nephew

But what you said to her was so freaking amazing!!! I was all

Your husband is freaking AMAZING though. I am so glad he put her in her place!!! 

What a day. I'm glad that you both stood your ground, and put her in her place. She definitely sounds like a wretched person. You are also an amazing wife for being for him and dealing with her like you do. Well, I hope that you guys had a great valentine's evening  regardless. Your family also sounds amazing, and I think it's awesome that they embrace him like they do (your mom sounds like such a sweetheart!). He def found a great family in your family!

SmileDamnit

I just gotta say that I am UBER proud of you and your DH (and I in no way mean that to be even the slightest bit patronizing). BSC grandma has been entertaining to us in faraway land, but you both have had to deal with her for reals, and I so admire the dance of compromise you and DH have had - you put up with a lot of shit for his sake because you knew their relationship was important (albeit dysfunctional) and were patient while he emotionally worked through what he needed to to see her the reality of her crazy. He kept you buffered as best he could but knew you were a strong, capable woman who could stand her own, and then very firmly put an end to it when she crossed a line that was irreversible, letting her know that YOUR back the most important to him when push comes to shove. True definition of team, in my book.

banana468

Big hugs to your DH.    It's never easy to cut family out of your life and it sounds like he really tried to make things work for her sake.      Even when you do the right thing, it can still hurt and there can still be plenty of guilt associated with it.   

Vivandiere8

Just got to read this for the first time start to finish. So happy to see the way it turned out in the end (not Granny being her awful self, but you standing up to her, and fiance backing you up, and it turning out you have an awesome family to make up for the side lacking a bit in that department)