Plus Ones and Significant Others: A Guide

Amyzen83

Also I second making this a sticky! I know that it is a very common mistake to only invite couples based on certain parameters, and my friends and circle have been guilty of these faux pas due to not knowing what's correct etiquette

artbyallie

Amyzen83 said:

That's what I thought and I was kinda wondering about Polyamourous relationships cus I've been watching too much sister wives lately.., it's an interesting show but definately not my style. Teehee! But I definately think that's a whole other topic all together. But I originally asked the question about affairs because it has been brought up on these boards.

We did have a couple invited to our wedding who are poly, actually. At the time, the unit consisted of a man and woman married to each other, who had an infant, and their mutual girlfriend. All four were invited on one invitation since the girlfriend was also their child's nanny. My mom kind of gave that one a side-eye, but she addressed it as she did the other, more traditional, invitations.

ETA: All four accepted and attended, by the way.

phira

@artbyallie Yeah, I didn't want to get into stuff like, "I am friends with Bob and want to invite him. It turns out he has a wife AND a girlfriend. Which one do I invite?" Because if you're just friends with Bob, that's different than if you're friends with Bob and his wife, or Bob and his girlfriend. Or all three. And then honestly, it turns into a situation where there's no clear-cut answer that can be provided by a FAQ.

Inkdancer

artbyallie said:

Amyzen83 said:

That's what I thought and I was kinda wondering about Polyamourous relationships cus I've been watching too much sister wives lately.., it's an interesting show but definately not my style. Teehee! But I definately think that's a whole other topic all together. But I originally asked the question about affairs because it has been brought up on these boards.

We did have a couple invited to our wedding who are poly, actually. At the time, the unit consisted of a man and woman married to each other, who had an infant, and their mutual girlfriend. All four were invited on one invitation since the girlfriend was also their child's nanny. My mom kind of gave that one a side-eye, but she addressed it as she did the other, more traditional, invitations.

ETA: All four accepted and attended, by the way.

One of my very dear friends is in a poly triad. She is married to D, and she and D are both engaged to J. (I use the term as they use it- they recognize that their marriage to J will not be valid according to the state they live in.) I am inviting all three of them as a unit because that is what they present as.

However, the original situation is a little different. When my father was still divorcing his ex-wife, they were technically married, although he was dating my mom. I would have invited him to social things with my mom, not the woman he was married to before. But in that situation, they all knew about each other. A situation of adultery is much more complicated.

MsFelzOrtiz

This was really helpful. I had a few questions especially involving significant others and plus ones. Thank you for clarifying that for me!!

perdonami

Recently learned about a case study involving co-occuring disorders amongst couples and in this case, was a "throuple." 

The "throuple" consisted of 3 men who were all mutually involved in the relationship. Apparently, the younger man was drifting away from the relationship and so the other 2 older men sought therapy over the situation. 

Never heard of a throuple before but I guess its fairly common. 

luckysnorkel

Inkdancer said:

artbyallie said:

Amyzen83 said:

That's what I thought and I was kinda wondering about Polyamourous relationships cus I've been watching too much sister wives lately.., it's an interesting show but definately not my style. Teehee! But I definately think that's a whole other topic all together. But I originally asked the question about affairs because it has been brought up on these boards.

We did have a couple invited to our wedding who are poly, actually. At the time, the unit consisted of a man and woman married to each other, who had an infant, and their mutual girlfriend. All four were invited on one invitation since the girlfriend was also their child's nanny. My mom kind of gave that one a side-eye, but she addressed it as she did the other, more traditional, invitations.

ETA: All four accepted and attended, by the way.

One of my very dear friends is in a poly triad. She is married to D, and she and D are both engaged to J. (I use the term as they use it- they recognize that their marriage to J will not be valid according to the state they live in.) I am inviting all three of them as a unit because that is what they present as.

However, the original situation is a little different. When my father was still divorcing his ex-wife, they were technically married, although he was dating my mom. I would have invited him to social things with my mom, not the woman he was married to before. But in that situation, they all knew about each other. A situation of adultery is much more complicated.

Same here, my bridesmaid is in a triad as well - she's dating A and B, and A&B are married and have a child together.  So I invited all four.

The other affair situation sounds sketchy all around.

melbenso

We had 2 good friends in poly relationships - one of them, John, a groomsman.  Both groups involved a married couple and a boyfriend/girlfriend for both. (The groomsman, his husband and their boyfriend; our friend Kate and the married couple she is in a relationship with.)  We invited all of them, but didn't invite Kate's daughter with the couple because we only invited family kids and kids of the wedding party.

It was a little bit odd, at the rehearsal dinner, introducing some of my more conservative family to John, his husband and their boyfriend, but so goes it.  Everyone was polite, even if they were a little confused by it.  And John is one of DH's oldest friends.  We weren't about to invite only a part of the people he loves to celebrate us getting married.