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Just Engaged and Proposals

Registering for money

My fiancé and I would rather have money as wedding gifts than actual items. Any tips on how to go about doing that?

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  • Just don't register.  I believe @photokitty (sorry if I'm totally off here) didn't register, and she can give you a breakdown of what she got... If I tried I would totally screw it up, but I remember it was mostly cash/check and gift cards.

    And like CMG said, it is rude to ask for money.  People always know that money makes an excellent gift.  Please also keep in mind that many honeymoon funds/ house funds/ unicorn funds not only just send you a check in the mail (rather than booking that unicorn petting excursion), they often also charge service fees.

    If you decide to not register, it is recommended that you decline any showers, as showers are for physical gifts.
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    cupcait927photokittydoeydomrsfinni
  • It's typically considered rude to ask for money. HOWEVER, you should make a HoneyFund registry! Your guests use it like a typical registry except they give money to the things that you list. For example, you give them the details of your honeymoon and put how much money you need for each airfare ticket, hotel, etc., and they pay for something off the list. You can also add fun things like champagne on the flight, a swimming with dolphins experience, or something fun like that. And then they have a section where you can have guests put money toward a down payment on your first house, or new living room furniture. Hope this helps!
  • It's typically considered rude to ask for money. HOWEVER, you should make a HoneyFund registry! Your guests use it like a typical registry except they give money to the things that you list. For example, you give them the details of your honeymoon and put how much money you need for each airfare ticket, hotel, etc., and they pay for something off the list. You can also add fun things like champagne on the flight, a swimming with dolphins experience, or something fun like that. And then they have a section where you can have guests put money toward a down payment on your first house, or new living room furniture. Hope this helps!

    Absolutely not.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    chibiyuidoeydomrsfinni
  • It's typically considered rude to ask for money. HOWEVER, you should make a HoneyFund registry! Your guests use it like a typical registry except they give money to the things that you list. For example, you give them the details of your honeymoon and put how much money you need for each airfare ticket, hotel, etc., and they pay for something off the list. You can also add fun things like champagne on the flight, a swimming with dolphins experience, or something fun like that. And then they have a section where you can have guests put money toward a down payment on your first house, or new living room furniture. Hope this helps!
    No.

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    chibiyuidoeydomrsfinni
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    In case you and @thefuturemrssisk did not get the point (sarcasm font!) do NOT do a Honeyfund!  They are tacky tacky tacky and they take a cut of your guests' money.  Worst of all, it's basically lying to your guests if they think they are paying for champagne in your hotel room, but really you just keep the money.

    FBIL and FSIL have a Honeyfund and everyone is side-eyeing them hard.  Just because people don't say anything, doesn't mean they aren't offended.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    happywigglechibiyuidoeydomrsfinni
  • In case you and @thefuturemrssisk did not get the point (sarcasm font!) do NOT do a Honeyfund!  They are tacky tacky tacky and they take a cut of your guests' money.  Worst of all, it's basically lying to your guests if they think they are paying for champagne in your hotel room, but really you just keep the money.

    FBIL and FSIL have a Honeyfund and everyone is side-eyeing them hard.  Just because people don't say anything, doesn't mean they aren't offended.
    ^^This! 
    JCbride2015GlitterWitch22
  • First of all, I was replying to the OP and not all of the other incredibly rude people commenting on this post, so the fact that everyone is suddenly acting better than me is beyond ridiculous. My fiancé and i did set up a HoneyFund and actually put down things we needed, like a down payment on a house, etc., and we invited over 250 people to our wedding. The majority of our guests have already mentioned our HoneyFund registry and how much they liked it, simply because they were planning to give cash anyway, and this made them feel special because they knew what they're money was going to. Clearly, some of you have been to weddings where no one cares what the bride and groom actually wants. We didn't want gifts, so we didn't do a normal registry, but my family and friends all hate giving cash or gift cards because they feel it makes their gift very impersonal.
  • @JCBride2014 I don't expect my guests to pay for my house. My point was that if they're giving cash anyway, a lot of people like knowing where their gift is going. As previously stated, all of our guests really love the HoneyFund. You can say that they're simply lying to me, except that many of the friends that have told me that, have gotten engaged since then and have set up their own HoneyFunds. That really wouldn't make much sense if they were lying to me. I don't think it's rude to say something is a bad idea, but I do believe in the phrase "It's not what you say. It's HOW you say it." Saying that I don't get the point, or blatantly calling it tacky after I've said that my guests enjoy it, is rude. As far as the comment about it being about the guests goes, you're telling me that simply because I've invited family and friends to share in our celebration with us, it's suddenly not about myself and my fiancé starting our lives together and promising to love each other forever, but it's about everyone else. I have to say that I think THAT is a bad idea. Not that I don't want my guests to have a wonderful time, be comfortable, and leave without complaints, because I've planned my wedding with all of that mind, but it isn't about them. It's about me and the love of my life and the promise that we're making to each other. If my guests don't want to give to our HoneyFund, that is completely fine with us. We've already told all of our guests that gifts are not required or expected, so I don't expect them to use it if they don't want to. However, our guests genuinely care that we're trying to buy a house and build a family, and they want to contribute to that dream.
    itslizzzz
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @JCBride2014 I don't expect my guests to pay for my house. My point was that if they're giving cash anyway, a lot of people like knowing where their gift is going. As previously stated, all of our guests really love the HoneyFund. You can say that they're simply lying to me, except that many of the friends that have told me that, have gotten engaged since then and have set up their own HoneyFunds. That really wouldn't make much sense if they were lying to me. I don't think it's rude to say something is a bad idea, but I do believe in the phrase "It's not what you say. It's HOW you say it." Saying that I don't get the point, or blatantly calling it tacky after I've said that my guests enjoy it, is rude. As far as the comment about it being about the guests goes, you're telling me that simply because I've invited family and friends to share in our celebration with us, it's suddenly not about myself and my fiancé starting our lives together and promising to love each other forever, but it's about everyone else. I have to say that I think THAT is a bad idea. Not that I don't want my guests to have a wonderful time, be comfortable, and leave without complaints, because I've planned my wedding with all of that mind, but it isn't about them. It's about me and the love of my life and the promise that we're making to each other. If my guests don't want to give to our HoneyFund, that is completely fine with us. We've already told all of our guests that gifts are not required or expected, so I don't expect them to use it if they don't want to. However, our guests genuinely care that we're trying to buy a house and build a family, and they want to contribute to that dream.
    Please, please go lurk on the Etiquette board.  It will help you.  Once you invite guests... it really isn't your day anymore.  You sound like you mean well, but these statements also come across extremely selfish even if that's not how you mean it.  Of course the wedding is about you, but it's also about your guests.  The ME ME ME attitude is a recipe for disaster, hurt feelings, and lost friendships down the line.  Posters on TK are sometimes blunt, yes.  But it's better to get blunt advice online that saves you from doing something to offend people you love IRL.

    Also I'm not saying your guests are lying to you.  I'm sure some of them think it's fine.  But I'm also sure at least somebody out of that 250 is offended by the Honeyfund and just hasn't said anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings (see FBIL example above).  Honeyfund is basically asking your guests for cash, no matter how you slice it.  And Honeyfund takes a pretty big processing chunk out of your guests' gift, so if they think they are giving you $100, really they're giving you about $93 and about $7 to Honeyfund.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    KeptInStitcheshlvonbdoeydomrsfinni
  • happywigglehappywiggle member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    First of all, I was replying to the OP and not all of the other incredibly rude people commenting on this post, so the fact that everyone is suddenly acting better than me is beyond ridiculous. My fiancé and i did set up a HoneyFund and actually put down things we needed, like a down payment on a house, etc., and we invited over 250 people to our wedding. The majority of our guests have already mentioned our HoneyFund registry and how much they liked it, simply because they were planning to give cash anyway, and this made them feel special because they knew what they're money was going to. Clearly, some of you have been to weddings where no one cares what the bride and groom actually wants. We didn't want gifts, so we didn't do a normal registry, but my family and friends all hate giving cash or gift cards because they feel it makes their gift very impersonal.


    -------------------------------------------------------- ETA stupid box

    @thefuturemrssisk Absolutely nobody on here was rude, whatsoever.  It is not rude to say something is a bad idea.  It IS rude to ask one's wedding guests for money, which is what a Honeyfund really is. As I said above, FBIL and FSIL are getting gossiped about for their Honeyfund, but nobody has said anything to their face because we love them and don't want to hurt their feelings.

    As to the bolded, the moment the couple invites other people, it stops being about them and starts being about properly hosting the guests.

    And yeah this is snarky, but since you already think we're being rude: why do you expect your guests to pay for your house?
    ------ Stupid Box not working

    @JCBride2014 She could be talking about me when I said it was some of the worst advice I've heard. If she doesn't like that, oh well. It IS some of the worst advice I've heard. Unfortunately, I am someone who WOULD call out a bride and groom for being rude enough to do a HoneyFund and not give anything whatsoever, seeing as I'm not required to give anything to them. (Then again, I'm just spiteful, and if you can't treat me with respect, I'm not going to treat you with respect. Like I said, I'm super spiteful.) 

    Oh, and @thefuturemrssis, please answer the bolded question from JC. I'm curious as to where you think you are entitled to ask people pay for your house/honeymoon/champagne/etc.

    Edit for post not showing quotes and making everything a giant jumbled mess.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @amrhodes23 I still don't think that was rude per se.  Blunt, yes.  Honest!  Yes.  Rude, not really.  Maybe you were typing at the same time as MrsSisk but she sort of answered above-- "they don't 'have' to give."  I understand maybe she doesn't think so, but Honeyfund basically screams "Please give me money!"
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    doeydo
  • @amrhodes23 I still don't think that was rude per se.  Blunt, yes.  Honest!  Yes.  Rude, not really.  Maybe you were typing at the same time as MrsSisk but she sort of answered above-- "they don't 'have' to give."  I understand maybe she doesn't think so, but Honeyfund basically screams "Please give me money!"
    Blunt and honest? That's me. (I watched too much "Ask Ashley" on Nickelodeon growing up and totally said that in her voice.) I seriously thought she was being sarcastic in her first comment when I read it...

    I didn't see her post until now answering the question. Oops on my part on that one. Yes, that's exactly what it screams to me, too.
  • @Everyone and anyone who is still reading this mess: Look, I didn't want this to turn into a crazy argument. I mean no disrespect to anyone and I'm not trying to pick a fight. I have read plenty of etiquette books and boards, and have taken numerous etiquette classes in my lifetime. I was simply contributing an idea to the OP. If she hates the idea, it doesn't affect me. I don't take offense. However, I am using a HoneyFund. My fiancé and I like it and the majority of our guests like it. You're right, there's probably someone on our guest list who doesn't care for it but there would be someone else who would've hated it if we had registered at Target, when they prefer to shop at Walmart. My point is, you can't please every single person, and when it comes right down to it, if the people that aren't happy choose not to come to the wedding over something so silly, then the wedding will go on without them. I'm marrying my best friend, and that is what the day is about.

    @amrhodes23 I did answer the question. Please review previous posts.
  • @Everyone and anyone who is still reading this mess: Look, I didn't want this to turn into a crazy argument. I mean no disrespect to anyone and I'm not trying to pick a fight. I have read plenty of etiquette books and boards, and have taken numerous etiquette classes in my lifetime. I was simply contributing an idea to the OP. If she hates the idea, it doesn't affect me. I don't take offense. However, I am using a HoneyFund. My fiancé and I like it and the majority of our guests like it. You're right, there's probably someone on our guest list who doesn't care for it but there would be someone else who would've hated it if we had registered at Target, when they prefer to shop at Walmart. My point is, you can't please every single person, and when it comes right down to it, if the people that aren't happy choose not to come to the wedding over something so silly, then the wedding will go on without them. I'm marrying my best friend, and that is what the day is about.

    @amrhodes23 I did answer the question. Please review previous posts.
    @thefuturemrssisk I saw it after I posted as I stated in my previous post. It was my mistake; I think we were typing at the same time.

    I giggled at the bolded comment.
  • @amrhodes23 It's fine. I just wanted to make sure you saw it. I wasn't trying to come across like we deserved to have our house paid for or something. I just meant that that's why we set up the HoneyFund, so that our guests can know what they're gift (IF they choose to give one) is going to. And our guests seem to like it, so I guess it just works for our particular wedding.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I would rather have money as wedding gifts than actual items. Any tips on how to go about doing that?

    image
    CMGragainBlue_Bird
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2014
    My fiancé and I would rather have money as wedding gifts than actual items. Any tips on how to go about doing that?

    Sell tickets to your reception, and then sit on the floor with a tin cup that has some coins in it.  Rattle it once in a while so people will get the idea.

    Seriously, we didn't have a big honeymoon, and we didn't start out in a house.  What makes you so special?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    pinkshorts27mrsfinni
  • Yeah...completely did not expect all of these responses and DEFINITELY did not expect an argument to occur. I somewhat regret even asking this question.

    Thanks everyone. You've given me a lot to think about.
  • Yes.  Thanks for your tolerance.  It does get silly on Saturday nights.  I need a glass of wine.  Good luck on your wedding.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Yeah...completely did not expect all of these responses and DEFINITELY did not expect an argument to occur. I somewhat regret even asking this question.

    Thanks everyone. You've given me a lot to think about.
    Actually, I thought this was pretty tame, but that's just me.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Just don't register.  I believe @photokitty (sorry if I'm totally off here) didn't register, and she can give you a breakdown of what she got... If I tried I would totally screw it up, but I remember it was mostly cash/check and gift cards.

    And like CMG said, it is rude to ask for money.  People always know that money makes an excellent gift.  Please also keep in mind that many honeymoon funds/ house funds/ unicorn funds not only just send you a check in the mail (rather than booking that unicorn petting excursion), they often also charge service fees.

    If you decide to not register, it is recommended that you decline any showers, as showers are for physical gifts.
    You are correct. I did not register and did not have showers :)

    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always useful and preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion.

    But I have good news :)
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 
    75% cash or check, 
    20% gift cards and 
    5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 

    A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    hikebikebemerrydoeydomrsfinni
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