Plus 1 for Future Father-in-law

apeters113

My FFIL has hinted that he expects to be able to bring a guest to our wedding.  I know that he is not dating anyone and when my fiance asks him who he would be bringing he just responds "don't worry about it." My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves, have a limited budget since I will be starting pharmacy school in the fall, and are not allowing any other single guests to bring a +1.

I personally don't think we should give him a +1.  What would this person do the entire time we get pictures taken together?  Does this person then get invited to the rehearsal dinner as well?  If he had a girlfriend, even if it was one we haven't met before I would not even question it, but I just don't think its necessary for him to bring a random guest.

Am I in the wrong? Should we make an exception for him since he's the groom's father? 

AroundTheBlock

You are under no obligation to let anyone bring guests whom you do not know and whom you did not invite. But you are going to have a daughter-in-law relationship with your fiance's father for, one hopes, a rather long time. So you will probably want to tread carefully: to establish appropriate limits early, but also to establish a degree of give-and-take. What I would suggest is that you ignore your future father-in-law's hints and address his invitation to him only. Then, very near the wedding, if he has actually settled on whom he would like to have there as his date and escort and is able to tell you her name and address, send her a last-minute invitation -- or even, if you don't care all that much about the formalities, just let him bring her and be sure you have a place for her.

I do understand about needing to be frugal as you save for college, but a parent is really in a special position -- some brides who are hosting their own weddings rather than having the wedding hosted by their parents, go so far as to treat their parents as their guests-of-honour. So if you find you can make an exception for anyone, that "one" should probably be your father-in-law.

wrigleyville

I wonder if he's from the generation that's still a bit private about who they are seeing, especially if it isn't a relationship that's been going on for several months.

Regardless, while you are not obligated to give him a +1 if he isn't dating someone, I think it would be a nice gesture, considering he is your FFIL.

As far as pictures are concerned, H has been in wedding parties without me before, and I understood he wouldn't be around for picture taking. I just busied myself with cocktail hour, or sometimes I'd wait at the church and watch them take pictures, depending on how our transportation worked out. I never minded.

I would invite her to the rehearsal dinner, as she is his date for the wedding. If they aren't truly dating and they are just friends, she may decline, but it's also acceptable for her to be there as his guest.

Now, this is how I feel and may not be by-the-book etiquette, but that's how I would handle it. It was very important to me that I have a good relationship with my in-laws (it still is), and this, to me, isn't something major where I'd feel like I was "caving" to their demands. Giving him a +1 doesn't mean you have to give all single guests a +1.

Additionally, as I pointed out at the beginning, him saying, "Don't worry about it," makes me wonder if he's in a new relationship and is just hesitant to talk about it while it's still new.

phira

If he is not in a relationship, you do not have to give him a plus one, although it's generally considered courteous to let people in the wedding party (including parents) bring a date if they're not in a relationship.

In your case specifically, I would have your fiance sit your future father-in-law down and ask, directly, "Dad, are you seeing someone and you're just not comfortable telling me? If you are, we'd like to invite them by name when we send your invitation."

Stuff like, "What will she do during pictures?!" is stuff that's irrelevant. It might feel like A THING right now to be worried about, but trust me, it will be fine. If he brings a date, she'll do what anyone's date would do during pictures: wait for pictures to be done. I brought a friend to my brother's wedding; he hung out with my sister's boyfriend while we did family photos. It'll be fine.

apeters113

Thank you for the responses!  Having a good relationship with my FFIL is worth more to me than saving a few bucks, so thank you for giving me that perspective.

AddieCake

He's your FFIL. Of course you should let him bring a date. It would never enter my mind NOT to.

banana468

Ditto PPs about letting him bring a date.

The only concern I'd have is if he's being purposely evasive and he wants the wedding to be the time to have a new SO make her debut in a scene stealing sort of way.     

lc07

I agree with the PP who say to allow him a +1.