Snarky Brides

(…)

emilie250emilie250 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited February 2014 in Snarky Brides
«1

Re: (…)

  • I'm spending $70,000 and can't understand why my financial decisions would at all affect someone I don't know, let alone "annoy" them. If that's not how you choose to spend your money, I absolutely respect that. But so long as nobody is going into debt to fund my wedding, why would you judge?
    pinkshorts27AshleyNicole1218JennyColadaMadHops21
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it really depends on where you live and how many family/friends you are inviting. I live in NJ, and having a dinner reception at a nice hall could easily cost that much if you have a large family. My parents invited mostly family and a few friends when they got married in 1992, but still had over 200 guests because they were inviting in circles out to cousins (my mother is the 2nd youngest of 12 kids, and my step-dad's father was one of 15). Even back then, doing a Sunday afternoon wedding, it cost them around 30k

    Could they have done it for less? Sure, but they would have seriously alienated themselves from their big, close-knit families. And they really didn't have any frills at their wedding - a friend's band played for free, they did sheet cake, no videographer (just a basic photography package), and all of our little bridesmaid dresses were bought on clearance at Bradlees. I can't imagine how much their wedding would cost now, or how much it would be if we lived in a major city!
    ~*~*~*~*~

    pinkshorts27AshleyNicole1218
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I won't be spending that much money, but it really isn't your business what anyone spends on their wedding. Especially if they aren't using your money. People can spend their own money however they please. 

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    emmaaa
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Damn it, should have quoted.

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  • @Cookie Pusher - Oh good old Bradlees! I remember Jamesway too! Anyways....

    I'm not spending anywhere near that amount, but if I had it to spend, I would probably consider it. How is it different than any other purchase, like a house or a car. Obviously emotional it may differ, but you're still paying money for a good or service...

    As long as guests are properly hosted, who cares if they spend $1k or $100k? No skin off your back.
  • Quickest DD ever. Shame on me for not quoting...

  • Quickest DD ever. Shame on me for not quoting…
    Decided I didn't want to talk about my personal opinion on a public forum. It doesn't advance any discussion or provide any advice for others. 
  • Cliff notes please?
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @kmmssg She is upset that people would spend a ton of money on weddings (I think she said 40K) and thinks it is ridiculous that people would waste that much money on weddings.

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2014
    Damn DD. I had tried quoting, but was getting stuck in those damn boxes so deleted the quoted part.

    I can totally understand finding an arbitrary number to be too high of a budget FOR YOU, but people's financial situations are all different. I have friends who live in different parts of the country who think my 20k budget (Saturday late afternoon/evening wedding with dinner, 100-ish guests, DJ, 2 photographers, and open bar) is ridiculously expensive because the cost of living for them is significantly lower than it is for us. The few friends/family who live here that we've discussed our budget with are amazed at how much we are able to get for this little money. We're in our 30s, in a stable financial situation with zero debt right now, so saving the cash without changing our lifestyle, spending habits, and retirement savings has not been difficult. We're not asking for or getting help from anyone. So really, why should our budget bother anyone else?

    ETA: Although, admittedly, I'd side-eye a wedding of any budget if they register/ask for cash gifts/
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, 40k for a wedding in my area really isn't that astronomical. However, it can also be done for a lot cheaper. Regardless, what other people decide to spend on their weddings isn't really your business. 

  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Who are you to judge someone else's budget? The problem with that is, everybody's budget is a lot more than someone else's. Mine is a fairly modest $10k, and I'm getting crap from family for spending that much (they aren't paying for it), because it's a lot more than what they paid. Basically, if your budget's bigger than someone else's, that someone else will deem it "too high". 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Judging someone for spending a certain amount of money on their wedding when they have it so spend is ridiculous.  My wedding was about $25K.  In my area that is about the norm but I am sure there are some out there would think that was an absurd amount of money while others would consider it on the cheaper side.

    The only time I would judge someone on what they spend on their wedding is when they deliberately go into debt for a party.  Or if they spend more then what they really can afford and then constantly bitch and complain about how much this wedding is costing them and how they are so broke now. Those are two situations where I would gladly tell that person that there is an easy solution to their problem...cut back on your wedding.

    NYCBruin
  • Damn didn't get to read original post, but I kinda get the idea. Frankly my sentiments are your wedding, if you are paying for it yourself, then you pick your budget! What really grinds my gears is when people tell me what to spend for MY wedding, as in expecting me to have a higher budget. Um no........ My guests will still be properly hosted but I absolutely refuse to have a 30k + wedding, when I can use that money for better things than a party. If you want to spend more and can afford more, then by all means, live it up!
  • Damn the DD! I came in only for that.

    I agree with PPs who said it's not how much you spend, it's how you allocate it. I had a friend who spent $12K on her wedding. But since flowers and location and a dress were more important to her than, you know, her guests, she hosted light hors d'oeuvres at a wedding that was held over lunch time. And had a cash bar. 

    I was not pleased.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • edited February 2014
    @FemmeLevande
    This is your second DD in two days...I'm confused at why you keep posting then deciding you no longer want to discuss personal opinion.

    Edited - fix OP's user name
  • emilie250emilie250 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    @AshleyNicole1218

    I don't remember doing that another time, but I may have. I probably just realized that it either wasn't useful to have the conversation or I found an answer. 

    As for this particular post, I deleted it because I didn't think it was useful to begin a conversation about consumption on a wedding forum. My original post reflects my view about consumption in general. I find that in North America we go over the top in our consumption in all areas of our lives, including for our weddings. I choose to live in a different manner (and my fiance also shares these values) and our wedding reflects that lifestyle. 

    After posting my original comment, I realized that most people would not see those underlying values because I did not make them evident. I absolutely stand by my belief that spending more than $20,000-$40,000 (depending on where you're living, because certainly the prices are different - I was using $40,000 as a benchmark because I know what you can get for that in the very large and expensive city I live in) on a wedding is ridiculous. I find that people who spend that much money consume way more than is necessary when planning their weddings. 

    These beliefs I have about consumption inform other opinions I have: I absolutely do believe that most families could manage just fine with one smaller vehicle, that each child doesn't need a room and so we should own smaller homes that require less energy to heat and cool, that we should eat locally grown food, etc… I recognize that everyone has the right to choose how they live, but I do have an opinion about how certain people live because I do not believe our dominant lifestyle is sustainable.  I stand by that 100%.

    I deleted my post because I thought this wasn't the forum to discuss those values and I didn't think that talking about a "wedding budget" really addressed those concerns anyways. Perhaps this explains my actions. 
  • emilie250emilie250 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    @CMGragain Well, perhaps what I posted will explain why I did that.
  • No.  You were rude.  Own it, and apologize.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    HisGirlFriday13rajahmd
  • Deleting a post isn't rude.

  • @AshleyNicole1218

    I don't remember doing that another time, but I may have. I probably just realized that it either wasn't useful to have the conversation or I found an answer. 

    Please stop deleating your posts that you got an answer for as well. The whole point of posting on a public forum such as this is for others to read your posts and to possibly learn things from it and/or others replies. I am sure you are browsing through others posts and reading, and enjoying them so deleting your answered posts isn't participating in the spirit of the forums.
    image
    jenniferursKeptInStitchesAmyzen83
  • Deleting a post isn't rude.

    Yes, it is. So is proselytizing, come to that.

    It's generally accepted Internet etiquette that you don't delete posts just because you change your mind. Other people might have a similar question and want an answer.

    But in future, we all just need to remember to always quote all your posts JIC you DD. Again.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    rajahmdCMGragain
  • Deleting a post isn't rude.
    yes it is.
    Twice now, you have deleted your post within a very short time of making it.  It's incredibly rude!
    You deleted your original post yet had no problem leaving your opinions about the 'north american' lifestyle and consumption/consumerism.

    And before you go jumping down my throat, in calling you out on your behavior, my FI and I also live well below our means, have a small house, have two girls who share a room, eat locally, support small business, and are having a small wedding ($5K - because that's what we WANT) so I get it but that doesn't give you the right to post a 'holier than thou' comment about your views.

    Your ethics and values are one thing, but you will find these boards do NOT tolerate rude and tactless behavior.
    HisGirlFriday13Amyzen83CMGragainPennyBlossom2311
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Deleting a post isn't rude.
    It is really rude. People take the time to answer your questions and give you input. When you delete your post (especially when it hasn't been quoted), no one has any idea what the original post references, making the entire thread useless.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    jenniferurspinkshorts27Amyzen83CMGragain
  • @AshleyNicole1218

    I don't remember doing that another time, but I may have. I probably just realized that it either wasn't useful to have the conversation or I found an answer. 

    As for this particular post, I deleted it because I didn't think it was useful to begin a conversation about consumption on a wedding forum. My original post reflects my view about consumption in general. I find that in North America we go over the top in our consumption in all areas of our lives, including for our weddings. I choose to live in a different manner (and my fiance also shares these values) and our wedding reflects that lifestyle. 

    After posting my original comment, I realized that most people would not see those underlying values because I did not make them evident. I absolutely stand by my belief that spending more than $20,000-$40,000 (depending on where you're living, because certainly the prices are different - I was using $40,000 as a benchmark because I know what you can get for that in the very large and expensive city I live in) on a wedding is ridiculous. I find that people who spend that much money consume way more than is necessary when planning their weddings. 

    These beliefs I have about consumption inform other opinions I have: I absolutely do believe that most families could manage just fine with one smaller vehicle, that each child doesn't need a room and so we should own smaller homes that require less energy to heat and cool, that we should eat locally grown food, etc… I recognize that everyone has the right to choose how they live, but I do have an opinion about how certain people live because I do not believe our dominant lifestyle is sustainable.  I stand by that 100%.

    I deleted my post because I thought this wasn't the forum to discuss those values and I didn't think that talking about a "wedding budget" really addressed those concerns anyways. Perhaps this explains my actions. 
    The only thing that would not be sustainable is if people were living above their means. Otherwise, people spending in this fashion is only contributing to an increase in jobs and helping to pad the economy. Your views are not only incredibly judgmental, but patently at odds with reality. Consumerism is what drives our economy and our growth as a country. Provided, of course, that those who consume can afford to at the rate that they do. So if you have any issue at all, it should be with people who spend more than they have, and that's really an entirely separate platform for debate than that which you originally presented. Otherwise, all you're doing is renouncing the lifestyles of those who don't think and act exactly like you and that, to me, just seems incredibly egocentric and closed minded.

  • oops, didn't show my text... @Jenniferurs THIS
    jenniferurs
  • @AshleyNicole1218

    I don't remember doing that another time, but I may have. I probably just realized that it either wasn't useful to have the conversation or I found an answer. 

    As for this particular post, I deleted it because I didn't think it was useful to begin a conversation about consumption on a wedding forum. My original post reflects my view about consumption in general. I find that in North America we go over the top in our consumption in all areas of our lives, including for our weddings. I choose to live in a different manner (and my fiance also shares these values) and our wedding reflects that lifestyle. 

    After posting my original comment, I realized that most people would not see those underlying values because I did not make them evident. I absolutely stand by my belief that spending more than $20,000-$40,000 (depending on where you're living, because certainly the prices are different - I was using $40,000 as a benchmark because I know what you can get for that in the very large and expensive city I live in) on a wedding is ridiculous. I find that people who spend that much money consume way more than is necessary when planning their weddings. 

    These beliefs I have about consumption inform other opinions I have: I absolutely do believe that most families could manage just fine with one smaller vehicle, that each child doesn't need a room and so we should own smaller homes that require less energy to heat and cool, that we should eat locally grown food, etc… I recognize that everyone has the right to choose how they live, but I do have an opinion about how certain people live because I do not believe our dominant lifestyle is sustainable.  I stand by that 100%.

    I deleted my post because I thought this wasn't the forum to discuss those values and I didn't think that talking about a "wedding budget" really addressed those concerns anyways. Perhaps this explains my actions. 
    The only thing that would not be sustainable is if people were living above their means. Otherwise, people spending in this fashion is only contributing to an increase in jobs and helping to pad the economy. Your views are not only incredibly judgmental, but patently at odds with reality. Consumerism is what drives our economy and our growth as a country. Provided, of course, that those who consume can afford to at the rate that they do. So if you have any issue at all, it should be with people who spend more than they have, and that's really an entirely separate platform for debate than that which you originally presented. Otherwise, all you're doing is renouncing the lifestyles of those who don't think and act exactly like you and that, to me, just seems incredibly egocentric and closed minded.
    Eh - not that I agree with her - but I don't think her point was about short term economics but more about long term human sustainability. IE she's talking about cutting down food consumption, space consumption, goods consumption so that our lifestyles don't end up leading to natural resource shortages and a lack of overall sustainability. I could be wrong and again - I don't agree but this is what I read her to be talking about. 
  • Ok but what does that have to do with someone's wedding budget? I'm sorry but $40,000 goes a lot further for 100 people than it does for 300. You cannot pick an arbitrary number and determine that to be 'too much' to spend on a wedding. What is the point of working hard to earn a higher income if you can't use it for the things that you enjoy or deem to be important? Not to mention these people are keeping countless others in business by using their resources and facilities. Many companies that cater weddings, should the client support this, often donate any 'excess' they have in terms of food to those in need. Centerpieces and other decorative items can also be donated. And to the comment about children not needing to have their own room, sure, they will live if they have to share, but privacy and boundaries go a long way when raising kids. I personally would not live in a home in which my son could not have his own room, but that is my view and I am entitled to raise him how I see fit. I think the posts on this thread have been extremely mild for such a quick DD....
    jenniferursHisGirlFriday13NYCBruinAmyzen83
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