The latest on sis's trainwreck. I mean wedding.

KytchynWitche

My sister got married in 2008. The wedding was a fiasco, as was the marriage. She got divorced in 2011, started seeing someone else (after some HILARIOUS escapades which I won't go into now for the sake of TK's virgin eyeballs). They got engaged in October and are getting married in June (that's the middle of winter for us).

We're sort of semi planning together (ie bouncing ideas off each other, sending each other things we think might work for the other person) so I'm getting bits and pieces of her wedding info, but obviously not all of it.

I've posted before that they're enforcing a dress code. Guests are to wear black and/or white, no colour. Apparently she'll be wearing a red cocktail dress. I thought that was pretty horrible.

So when my mom came to stay, she told me that they're having a private ceremony - to which they are not inviting anyone but their two witnesses. Can you say rude?!

On top of that, their reception is apparently going to be, in sis's own words, a "piss-up".

So, we're not invited to the actual wedding, only to the boozer after, and she's telling us what to wear? Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

I have no idea at this point whether I'm actually going to be invited or not (she apparently told Mom that they're each only having one parent and one sibling on the list, and AFAIK sis isn't talking to bro), but I honestly don't think I want to go. Not being funny or anything, but it's going to cost us upwards of R1600 (about $160) to get there, and that's kinda a lot of money to spend just to go to a party. Because really, if we're not invited to the ceremony, that's all it is.

Yuck.

I do sort of get that they want to do what they want to do, because they've both been married before and did what everyone else wanted, but seriously... ?

grumbledore

Yuck indeed.

jenna8984

Good times!!! hahaha

pumpkinsandturkeys

Soooo, they want to have their cake and eat it, too.

They want a private ceremony -- practically an elopement. Awesome. I get that they've been married before and don't want the whole to-do of a big ceremony.

But they're definitely turning SS on everyone by placing more importance on the afterparty. If you want people to celebrate a marriage they weren't permitted to attend, you should probably be a little more open and carefree about it and not turn bridezilla with the dress code, etc.

I bet they expect gifts, too.

KytchynWitche

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

Soooo, they want to have their cake and eat it, too.

They want a private ceremony -- practically an elopement. Awesome. I get that they've been married before and don't want the whole to-do of a big ceremony.

But they're definitely turning SS on everyone by placing more importance on the afterparty. If you want people to celebrate a marriage they weren't permitted to attend, you should probably be a little more open and carefree about it and not turn bridezilla with the dress code, etc.

I bet they expect gifts, too.

Actually, no. That's the one surprise in this whole twisted tale. Sis says they already have enough junk between them, and they don't need anymore.

But yeah. This whole thing just bites.

Legally they can't be married at their venue (their favourite restaurant) because it's not a government building, residence, or place of worship - hence the getting married at home, thing - but I think it's really rude to exclude everyone from it anyway. Their guest list is 30 people max, they could easily have everyone present at the ceremony, even if everyone had to stand for it. I think that's a better option than excluding all their guests.

FI and I are also getting married at our favourite restaurant, so the same law applies to us, but we're getting around that by either doing the legal bit at home literally 10 minutes before our public ceremony, or right after the reception, just before we hit the road for our mini-moon. We haven't quite figured out our timeline yet. They could have done the same thing.

Edited because spelling

climbingsingle

Yikes. 

JCbride2015

Yuck.

Once again this shows the problem with PPDs, tiered receptions, "private" ceremonies.  People actually want to see the ceremony.

Edited for autocorrect

LondonLisa

Oh dear, that is rubbish! I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.

Have you thought of having a calm chat with her about how much it would hurt you/ your family/ her mates to not see her married? That you understand the day is about her, but that it is hurtful to friends and family to come to a "wedding" but not see anyone wed. Maybe she genuinely hasn't thought about it this way.... just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt (but honestly, there isn't much doubt here!).

KytchynWitche

LondonLisa said:

Oh dear, that is rubbish! I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.

Have you thought of having a calm chat with her about how much it would hurt you/ your family/ her mates to not see her married? That you understand the day is about her, but that it is hurtful to friends and family to come to a "wedding" but not see anyone wed. Maybe she genuinely hasn't thought about it this way.... just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt (but honestly, there isn't much doubt here!).

I haven't, but I doubt it would make a difference. She's stubborn as, and just generally doesn't give two hoots what anyone thinks of her anyway.

LondonLisa

Yikes! Keep us posted how this turns out...

KytchynWitche

Will do! I'm genuinely frightened by what may yet be to come!

laceybird

What in God's name is a "piss-up"?

APDSS22

Lace&Pearls said:

What in God's name is a "piss-up"?

I think it's attached to a drunk and disorderly complaint...

laceybird

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Lace&Pearls said:

What in God's name is a "piss-up"?

I think it's attached to a drunk and disorderly complaint...

Classy, lol.

KytchynWitche

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Lace&Pearls said:

What in God's name is a "piss-up"?

I think it's attached to a drunk and disorderly complaint...

Pretty much. It usually starts with the words "let's get smashed/hammered/wasted/legless (or other such word of your choice)" and fairly often ends, many hours and several bottles of liquor later, with a DUI or other such charming event.