tuxedo vent

thisismynickname2

Who here isn't having the groom and men wear tuxes?

My vent is that I don't get why it's such a big deal. I had a field day when a friend's mom complained that her son was getting married in a suit rather than tux. (He got married on a southern plantation which caused other drama for his Chicago-suburb family.) But now, my mom told me that FMIL is very disappointed that FI and friends will be wearing suits. Holy pearl clutching batman.

My initial reaction is that if she wants four men in tuxes then she can pay the rental fees herself. But truly, if your event is not black tie, I don't see where this perceived need of tuxes comes from. To me, it's a pointless expense when no one in our circle ever has a need for a tux. In my personal experience, I'm sorry but rental tuxes fit like penguin suits and men just look better in a properly-fitting suit they already own.

Just... why? End rant.

natswild

yeah, I don't see the need either...

LinsInLove

We're doing suits.  They will likely all buy the same suit .  We're thinking grey (summer wedding) and then it is something they can keep forever rather than a tux they return.  All the guys seem to really like the idea and it might actually turn out to be cheaper depending on what deal we get (waiting for a buy one get one sale or something and have them split it).  No one has seemed upset with the idea although my grandmother is giving my mom a hard time for looking at a short MOB dress... why can't everyone just mind their own business?  I completely agree with you about the tuxes!

erinlin25

I think it is just a traditional "norm..." but I also think many people think a suit is a tuxedo too so when they hear "they are not wearing a tux" they are picturing a casual suit, not a nice one KWIM?

 Personally a nice suit is way better looking that a tuxedo! I was happy when my H chose the dark charcoal suit over the bow tie tux. 

lyndausvi

My DH wore a Tommy Bahama button down shirt and khaki linen pants with flip flops.

Pretty sure our marriage is still valid.

Cookie Pusher

None of our guys are wearing tuxes. No way were we going to subject any of the guys to that at an outdoor wedding in July. Black suits, white shirts, and you can change into more casual/comfortable stuff after pictures if you want - we are keeping a pretty laid back attitude about the whole thing. Since both groomsmen have significant distances to travel, we didn't want there to be even the tiniest chance that rented tuxes could get lost or forgotten on a plane!

sarahufl

grey suits for us. I don't think any less of people who don't wear tuxes.

chibiyui

Fi says he doesn't know what he wants to wear yet. He plans for the groomsman to wear stone pants and navy blazers.

winelover123

H and his groomsmen wore black suits. H had to buy a black suit, but everyone else already owned one. After renting a tux for his brother's wedding, he says that he'll never rent one again. I think groomsmen in suits look smashing.

KytchynWitche

We aren't doing the tux thing either. I'm having waistcoats made up for FI and his BM, and they're wearing open collared shirts with the sleeves rolled up, and either suit pants or dark jeans (we haven't decided yet).

Our wedding is happening at a time of year when the early mornings and late evenings are slightly nippy but the rest of the day is sweltering. It's also a very casual affair - just on the patio of our favourite restaurant, with a few close friends and family members. It just wouldn't make sense in that context for the men to wear tuxes. Not to mention there isn't anywhere remotely near here where they could rent them.

I think it's really silly for anyone to get bent out of shape over the lack of tuxes at a wedding.

lc07

My husband decided to wear a suit instead of a tux. He requested that his groomsmen simply wear any grey or black suit instead of requiring more specific attire from them. My husband looked amazing and his choice suited him (no pun intended).

seshat303

We're also going to have the men in suits.  Partly because FI preferred it, partly because I also think he'll look better in a suit he can have well tailored vs a tux (he does actually own one, but it's purposefully too big so he gets a better range of motion when he plays viola--it's fine for stage, but not so much for a smaller event), and partly because I chose to go with a tea length dress so having the men in tuxes seems overly formal in comparison.

I have no idea why some people make such a big deal out of either.  One of my friends got married on the beach and the groom was in a short sleeve button down and khakis. No biggie, it fit the overall feel of their wedding and everyone was comfortable.

artbyallie

All the men in our wedding wore (gasp-different!) suits. And they looked sharp. I personally hate rental tuxes. They're crappy cheap fabric with crappy cheap vests and they never fit right because duh--they're not tailored. If the groom and/or groomsmen happen to own 'real' tuxedos, that's a different story. Rentals make me think prom. Gag.

ktjanesmom

As the mother of a groom who is wearing a tan suit at his wedding, I have to say I am a little disappointed too.  I would love to see him in a classic black tuxedo when he gets married.  Also my other son who is in the wedding party.  But they decided they wanted a more casual look for their wedding.  I see my son in shirts and ties and a suit jacket on a regular basis, (he is a teacher) and this is probably the only chance I had to see him in a tux.  I had a completely different vision for their wedding than they do. Unfortunately they did not let me plan it for them.    

Maggie0829

I was all for suits for our wedding but H wanted to wear a tux.  So we went with tuxes.

scribe95 said:

I think many people just think of a wedding as a formal occasion and think a tux goes with the big fancy wedding gown the bride will be wearing. It's sort of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - at least it was for my husband. Likely he will never wear a tux again until his daughter gets married.

But I agree with this.  I think a suit is great but if the bride is in a very big fancy gown then the groom really needs to be dressed to match and sometimes a suit just won't cut it.

IMathlete

FI originally wanted to wear a suit. I was completely fine with that decision. Once we established that we were going with a more elegant feel to our wedding, he chose on his own to go with tuxes. I think the vibe of your wedding and venue, not to mention the groom's preference, dictate what the groom and groomsmen wear.

garnetandgold60

I was originally dead set on the guys wearing suits and not tuxes. But when FI and I went to look for suits he loved the grey Vera Wang tux (or whatever it is, since according to a post on the E Board it's not a tux...haha) and so we ended up with that! I have to say I love it now too, they let him try on the jacket to see about the fit and RHAWR
He's a slim guy and so it'll look awesome! And it doesn't look like a traditional tux (shiny lapels, shiny stripe, etc.) so that's a bonus to me!

But I don't get people getting up at arms on whether people are going to wear tuxes or not...then again people have a lof of opinions they think need to be shared when they really don't!

pumpkinsandturkeys

Another vote for grey suits. I think it looks just as nice, and a black tux wouldn't have fit with your style and our venue.

emmyg65

It never even occurred to us to go the tux route. We had a backyard wedding, so it would have been kind of funny. Besides, it's not really our style. Instead, my DH had a dark gray suit custom made. It fit so well; it was gorgeous.

flyingfoxes

I think we're going to go with tuxes, but I'm not sure.  We went back and forth about him wearing his dress blues (he's Army), but nobody else will be in military dress, so we aren't doing that.  I kinda think this is my one chance to see him in a tux, but a regular suit may do just as well.  I'll have to discuss that with him when he gets back here before we go looking.

JaxInBlue

We did tuxes.  It was completely DH's call.  I think for him it was what felt right for the day.  He's not a suit guy - rarely has to dress up for work, only owns one - and a tux made sense to him.  (Even though, technically, it wasn't "tux time.")  He looked very sharp and, as PPs said, it matched the formality of our venues and dress.  But he would have looked equally good in a suit. 

I try not to care about suit vs. tux.  I grew up in an area where grooms wore tuxes, regardless of time for the wedding, and a lot of that has persisted.

mellyD2014

FI is going back and forth on this himself. He likes the classic look of the tuxes, but he doesn't want to buy one. He was recently in a wedding where he had to rent one and the photos just looked terrible - if you can't get the tux tailored to you, it's probably not going to look good unless you are lucky enough to have an perfectly average figure. Meanwhile, when his best man got married, he had his groomsmen (including FI) buy a custom suit, as the price worked out to be the same, and they all looked great! As long as FI is comfortable, I think most people will say either option is totally appropriate.

cupcait927

We're going with a suit as well. We're not having a bridal party so to have him in a tux when the rest of our males guests will most likely be in suits (or even just shirt and tie) would be kind of weird and out of place. I suggested a suit over a tux and he wholeheartedly agreed. It's also an excuse to get him a really nice fitting suit that he can also wear again after the wedding (both of his suits right now don't fit that well).

NavyBlue143

H wore a silver/ gray suit jacket and a kilt. Rawr. I didn't want to dictate his attire, but I really pushed the silver jacket thing. It set off his blue eyes so well. Fortunately he really liked it once he tried it on, and decided he wanted it too.

thisismynickname2

Definitely looks like many people are going with the groom wants, which I agree with. Just this past weekend we went and purchased a quality designer suit for FI (he wanted one forever and said it's a great investment)(and at 20% off, woo!), and that's what prompted our moms to to bring up the "no tux!?" opinions.  The stylist at the store had good suggestions for making FI look more like a groom than a guest-- since FI doesn't want flowers either, he will add a pocket square and a vest.  I do understand loved ones' feelings that a wedding may be the ONE time anyone gets that dressed up--- but the cons outweigh that feeling and the men will look sharp regardless!

For what it's worth, I love military dress and also kilts. Rawr. LOL. 

OnceUponSnow

I prefer suits to tuxes, to be honest. But they're usually required for a black tie events (and for many people, it's one of the few BT events, if not the only, they will ever attend, I can understand the buzz).

We are having a garden wedding/tented reception so tuxes made no sense, but I wouldn't mind if one of my guests was excited to wear one and showed up in one. My FI invested in a tailored charcoal suit that looks amazing on him, and he can wear it again, without the vest, for other events. 

I also share the PP's love for kilts.

erinlin25

Klc09d said:

I was originally dead set on the guys wearing suits and not tuxes. But when FI and I went to look for suits he loved the grey Vera Wang tux (or whatever it is, since according to a post on the E Board it's not a tux...haha) and so we ended up with that! I have to say I love it now too, they let him try on the jacket to see about the fit and RHAWR He's a slim guy and so it'll look awesome! And it doesn't look like a traditional tux (shiny lapels, shiny stripe, etc.) so that's a bonus to me! But I don't get people getting up at arms on whether people are going to wear tuxes or not...then again people have a lof of opinions they think need to be shared when they really don't!

yup that is what H and his guys wore.  They all looked great.  That is what I secretly wanted him to pick too, so I was stoked when the guys picked that one out

princessleia22

I personally prefer the look of nice suits over tuxes.  But, my FI really wants to wear a tux and go for the "James Bond Look".  He's the one that has to wear it, so it's up to him.  I don't think it's really that critical of a decision.  The guys can look nice either way.

CMGragain

Until the 1950s, tuxedos were not considered proper to wear to weddings at all.  It is still not proper to wear them in the daytime.  (I don't care what YOU think, those are the rules.)
The trend, lately, is for men to wear suits, not tuxedos.  Many men prefer to wear a nice suit of their own, rather than a tuxedo that has been rented out for countless proms and weddings, and worn by other people.
I have beautiful pearls, thank you.  The men in my family own their tuxedos.  Daughter had a daytime wedding, so the men worse dark suits.

mysticl

Maggie0829 said:

I was all for suits for our wedding but H wanted to wear a tux.  So we went with tuxes.

scribe95 said:

I think many people just think of a wedding as a formal occasion and think a tux goes with the big fancy wedding gown the bride will be wearing. It's sort of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - at least it was for my husband. Likely he will never wear a tux again until his daughter gets married.

But I agree with this.  I think a suit is great but if the bride is in a very big fancy gown then the groom really needs to be dressed to match and sometimes a suit just won't cut it.

This.  If the bride is in a full on ball gown and the groom is wearing a light suit or a shirt and tie it looks like they are at two different events.  

DH considered wearing a tux but went with his dress blues instead.