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Just Engaged and Proposals

Wedding preparations delayed

Hi, my name is Anjelica and I got engaged to my boyfriend New Years Day. We have not thought of a wedding date yet, but we are going to save up money and then plan a date. So, its toward the end of February and I had mentioned him when are we going to save for our wedding. He didn't seem interested at all about it, he felt "meh" about saving up for a wedding. Yesterday he came from his friend house and was very enthused about saving for a mattress because he haven't been sleeping well lately as he tells me. Though there are other times he would tell me that he slept fine and dandy and now of all times he decides to get a new mattress. I want to wait saving for a new mattress, but he doesn't. He owes his dad money and he want to save for the mattress and THEN save for a wedding. What should I do? Should I give in and help save a mattress (that will be in his room until we are married and finally sleep in the same bed) or should I convince him to still save for our wedding since that was our first priority?

Re: Wedding preparations delayed

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    anjelica6 said:
    Hi, my name is Anjelica and I got engaged to my boyfriend New Years Day. We have not thought of a wedding date yet, but we are going to save up money and then plan a date. So, its toward the end of February and I had mentioned him when are we going to save for our wedding. He didn't seem interested at all about it, he felt "meh" about saving up for a wedding. Yesterday he came from his friend house and was very enthused about saving for a mattress because he haven't been sleeping well lately as he tells me. Though there are other times he would tell me that he slept fine and dandy and now of all times he decides to get a new mattress. I want to wait saving for a new mattress, but he doesn't. He owes his dad money and he want to save for the mattress and THEN save for a wedding. What should I do? Should I give in and help save a mattress (that will be in his room until we are married and finally sleep in the same bed) or should I convince him to still save for our wedding since that was our first priority?

    I would talk to him and get on the same page. If he isn't interested in saving for a wedding, he may not be ready (or mature enough) to get married. How old are you?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    CrazyCatLady3
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, it sounds like you need to come to an agreement here about what is important to both of you.
    image
  •     If you don't live together and the mattress will go in his room, shouldn't he save for the mattress and you can save for the wedding? I get that you will both eventually use it, but, and I don't mean to be a downer, if the marriage doesn't go through and you put a bunch of money towards a mattress for his place, won't you be upset?

          Wasn't there another post on here about a Bride to be who bought a lot of furniture for her Fi's place in anticipation of them both using it later, and then getting upset because he no longer seemed interested in getting married after she furnished his place? Maybe it was another wedding board.

      My FI and I don't live together and won't until after the wedding. If he wanted a new mattress before the wedding he would buy/save for it. He might ask my opinion on it as we would most likely use it together, but it's going on his bed for now. Likewise, I recently bought a bookshelf from Ikea. I got his opinion on it since it will eventually reside in his living space, but I paid for it since it's in my place right now. I suspect he would be unhappy if I had insisted he pay for part of it then we (god forbid) decided not to go through with the wedding. 

       For the record, I'm not implying or anticipating either your or I's wedding won't happen, it just seems to keep things cleaner if everyone pays for their own stuff until you are actually moving into a place together. 
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