Wording for second wedding invitation including kids

Rach1137

Hi Everyone, 

So for a little backstory before the question, we have both been married before. FI and I have 4 kids total (6 year old twins, 7 yo and 10 yo) who are a big part of why we decided to have a "real" second wedding as opposed to eloping like we originally planned. They asked for a "wedding" and so we ran with it and are now having a fairly large wedding due to very large families on both sides. We are paying for the bulk of the wedding ourselves although we have some help from his parents (covering hall rental and a few small things) and mine (flowers and some other decor stuff). We are getting married at our church and then a reception after. We aren't planning anything terribly formal and I'm struggling coming up with wording for our invitations. We originally planned to include our kids on the invites but not our parents and now since they are kicking in some money it makes it a little more complicated.  I'm looking for ideas since I need to get them ordered soon, but most are fairly formal and for a first wedding and I haven't come across anything that I particularly love so far. I took my maiden name as my middle name when I married the first time and even after 10 years there are still people in my family who wouldn't realize it was me without using my maiden name somewhere on the invite or the return address label o

So ideas I have come up with so far are

Along with their families 

Groom Middle Last 

and

Bride Maiden Current

Invite you to the celebration of their wedding

OR

Kid one, two, three and four

Invite you to join them at the marriage of their parents

Groom Middle Last

and 

Bride Maiden Current

OR

Brides Parents and kids

and 

Grooms Parents and kids

along with

Bride Middle and Groom Middle

invite you to the celebration of their marriage

any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed

 

CMGragain

Children cannot host weddings.  Sorry.  Parents can host.  Families can host.
The words "celebration of marriage" are not specific enough.  It sounds like a vow renewal, not a wedding.  Here is a wording that should work for you.

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the honour of your presence
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time o'clock
Church Name
Address
City, State

Reception to follow

A more traditional alternative would be this one:

The honour of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

Rach1137

Well in the traditional sense of hosting, our parents will be the ones taking care of guests needs the evening of our wedding, but we will be the ones making the rounds to talk with everyone etc. 

Our kids are the reason we chose to go the route we did so if they are hosting or not is really of no concern to me in terms of formality of the invitations. We aren't formal or traditional people and so don't feel that our invitation really needs to be either. Mostly I would like some input of a nice way to include the kids on the invitation or make some sort of reference to them since our wedding includes them as well as FI and I. 

CMGragain

Sorry, but the wedding does not include your children. Your wedding is strictly between the two of you.  Your children are not getting married - you are.  This is why they should not say vows, and should not be on the invitation.  You are including them by inviting them as honored guests.  They can stand up with you when you say your vows to each other, but they should not say any vows themselves.
I sincerely hope that this marriage works out beautifully for you, but many marriages do not.  I am very thankful that my own mother didn't insist on something like this when she was re-married.  Her last marriage lasted less than 4 years.  We "children" were happy together, but the two of them were not.  Thanks goodness we hadn't said vows or actively participated in the service.

tammym1001

I think since you have so many people that you want to include you should use the "Together with their families" wording. The invitation could get very long and wordy with all those people on it and the real message and information could easily get lost.

kaos16

listen to CMGragain. . . . she is wise in the ways of hosting/etiquette/weddings generally!!  Sometimes they aren't the answers you want to hear, but she is right.

kaos16

listen to CMGragain. . . . she is wise in the ways of hosting/etiquette/weddings generally!!  Sometimes they aren't the answers you want to hear, but she is right.

kaos16

listen to CMGragain. . . . she is wise in the ways of hosting/etiquette/weddings generally!!  Sometimes they aren't the answers you want to hear, but she is right.

AddieCake

Ditto CMGragain. The children do not belong on the invitation.

JoanE2012

Rach1137 said:

Hi Everyone, 

So for a little backstory before the question, we have both been married before. FI and I have 4 kids total (6 year old twins, 7 yo and 10 yo) who are a big part of why we decided to have a "real" second wedding as opposed to eloping like we originally planned. They asked for a "wedding" and so we ran with it and are now having a fairly large wedding due to very large families on both sides. We are paying for the bulk of the wedding ourselves although we have some help from his parents (covering hall rental and a few small things) and mine (flowers and some other decor stuff). We are getting married at our church and then a reception after. We aren't planning anything terribly formal and I'm struggling coming up with wording for our invitations. We originally planned to include our kids on the invites but not our parents and now since they are kicking in some money it makes it a little more complicated.  I'm looking for ideas since I need to get them ordered soon, but most are fairly formal and for a first wedding and I haven't come across anything that I particularly love so far. I took my maiden name as my middle name when I married the first time and even after 10 years there are still people in my family who wouldn't realize it was me without using my maiden name somewhere on the invite or the return address label o

So ideas I have come up with so far are

Along with their families 

Groom Middle Last 

and

Bride Maiden Current

Invite you to the celebration of their wedding

OR

Kid one, two, three and four

Invite you to join them at the marriage of their parents

Groom Middle Last

and 

Bride Maiden Current

OR

Brides Parents and kids

and 

Grooms Parents and kids

along with

Bride Middle and Groom Middle

invite you to the celebration of their marriage

any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed

 

Another vote for leaving children off the invitation.  The invitation tells a guest who is hosting.  It would look ridiculous to have young children be listed on the invite as it implies they are hosting.

MyNameIsNot

Use "Together with their families" on the invitation.

Write a special note in the program or include a reading that names the children by name during the ceremony.  They are an important part of your marriage, but they aren't hosting the wedding or getting married.  

rut2014

I am getting married in June.  My FI has a 13yr old and I have a 7 and 12 yr old.  I am choosing to go with the wording....

Together with their families...........

I did this because his parents are deceased, I am paying the majority of the wedding, and my children.  I thought it was the best way to include everyone, but still be proper.

Jen4948

Leave the kids' names off the invitation.  Kids cannot act as hosts.

You can have them as attendants and/or list their names in a program, but leave it at that.  Don't try to "cutely" suggest that they are hosting the wedding or "giving you away."

Inkdancer

I would use the wording below:

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the honour of your presence
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time o'clock
Church Name
Address
City, State

Reception to follow


To counteract the formality of the wording, choose a pretty patterned stationery or use a colorful (but legible) font. This is a good way to indicate that your families, both parents and children, are excited for your marriage--without incorrectly attributing the hosting.

Istoleahalo

I know this is a bit late...but my fiance and I have decided to include my daughter in our invitation as well.  He has stated that he is not only marrying me but her as well...he is making a commitment to both of us.  He will make vows to her in the ceremony and give her a necklace as a symbol of his commitment. We haven't finalized the wording but, excuse me, to heck with the "proper" way of things...her name is going on the invite and with something about "the union of our family".  He and I are paying for it all and we want her on there.  I hope that you went with what you wanted.  I'd hate to later on look at my invites and regret leaving her off because someone else told me it was the "proper" thing to do.  Good luck!

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

I know this is a bit late...but my fiance and I have decided to include my daughter in our invitation as well.  He has stated that he is not only marrying me but her as well...he is making a commitment to both of us.  He will make vows to her in the ceremony and give her a necklace as a symbol of his commitment. We haven't finalized the wording but, excuse me, to heck with the "proper" way of things...her name is going on the invite and with something about "the union of our family".  He and I are paying for it all and we want her on there.  I hope that you went with what you wanted.  I'd hate to later on look at my invites and regret leaving her off because someone else told me it was the "proper" thing to do.  Good luck!

Just don't go looking for endorsement for your ideas about that here.  Most of us are not going to provide it because we find putting the names of children on the couple, making vows of "commitment" to them, and giving them gifts in a wedding ceremony to be not only not "proper" but flat-out creepy, and your "to heck with the 'proper' way of things" isn't going to impress us in a positive way that we would change our minds.

CMGragain

How old is your daughter?  How is she going to feel about being forced to participate when she is a teenager, and she is yelling "You aren't my real father!" at your husband?  (Oh, yes, she will!)
Whether you admit it, or not, you are USING your daughter, needlessly and wrongly, to add to your wedding. 
Please read my earlier posts, and rethink this idea.  I have been there.

If your FI thinks he is marrying your daughter as well as you, (creepy) he will find out differently if you should happen to divorce.  I haven't seen the man who promised to be my new Daddy in 35 years.  The Catholic church didn't allow the marriage ceremony to be changed to "include" the six of us.

KGold80

My fiancé and I both have kids from our previous marriages. We also both have divorced parents who have contributed to our wedding, so our invitation reads "together with their families". It could get pretty confusing and cluttered otherwise.

We are not saying vows to each other's kids. I love his kids and he loves my son, but this wedding is about uniting us as husband and wife. We are including our kids in a sand ceremony to symbolize the blending of our families.

your fiancé is not marrying your daughter! He is marrying YOU!

Istoleahalo

Not looking for endorsement, or even acceptance.. just encouraging the original poster to not feel as though she has to do something if her heart is set on something else.  If she truly likes another idea and changes her mind (and her heart) then that's GREAT and I'm glad for her.  I'm not going to explain or justify my reasons because it's not needed, I'm not changing my mind.  The poster was looking for help/opinions on HER wording, so my post was to her.  Following etiquette rules is great when it helps to not offend or hurt someone else, but when it's just restrictive then what's the point? Hope everyone has exactly the wedding they want! 

 

CMGragain

Istoleahalo said:

Not looking for endorsement, or even acceptance.. just encouraging the original poster to not feel as though she has to do something if her heart is set on something else.  If she truly likes another idea and changes her mind (and her heart) then that's GREAT and I'm glad for her.  I'm not going to explain or justify my reasons because it's not needed, I'm not changing my mind.  The poster was looking for help/opinions on HER wording, so my post was to her.  Following etiquette rules is great when it helps to not offend or hurt someone else, but when it's just restrictive then what's the point? Hope everyone has exactly the wedding they want! 

 

My point, exactly.

Maggie0829

I never understand people who want to include their children in their wedding (invites and vows).  A wedding is a commitment between the bride and groom.  No one else.  No one should make any sort of vow to any child because, just like with marriage, that vow can be broken and that could do a lot of damage to that child's emotional state.

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

Not looking for endorsement, or even acceptance.. just encouraging the original poster to not feel as though she has to do something if her heart is set on something else.  If she truly likes another idea and changes her mind (and her heart) then that's GREAT and I'm glad for her.  I'm not going to explain or justify my reasons because it's not needed, I'm not changing my mind.  The poster was looking for help/opinions on HER wording, so my post was to her.  Following etiquette rules is great when it helps to not offend or hurt someone else, but when it's just restrictive then what's the point? Hope everyone has exactly the wedding they want! 

 

Here's the thing...following etiquette rules to begin with does help to not offend or hurt someone else.  And sometimes the way to bring about that effect is to be restrictive.  That's why we tell kids, "You have to say please and thank you," because it does offend and hurt people when they don't!

Istoleahalo

Your point is what exactly?  I guess I'm not getting your point at all.  This particular wording on an invite doesn't hurt anyone.  Befuddles me that you think it might in any way.  Its in INclusive, not EXclusive.  

A divorce can hurt a child emotionally regardless of what happened in a wedding. A boyfriend/girlfriend breakup can hurt the child too if the child was emotionally attached to the significant other.  By marrying the mother, the step-father is making a commitment to the child which could be broken...but it could be broken by a natural father as well. Personally, while I'm not walking in blind, I'm also not walking into my wedding thinking about "well we could get divorced so I'm going to do this (or that...)"  I can't see how that argument really has any place in a discussion on wording of a wedding invite.

And like me, you are all entitled to an opinion.  No ones is better than another's.  I'm not right and neither are you...we each just have a different opinion, both of which could be correct. If you don't like it then good, don't include them in yours. I'm not saying you must..I'm saying that IN MY OPINION there is nothing wrong with it.  It's funny because a quick google search will find many posts about including children on invites and in the ceremony with simple vowsand/or token, but on here everyone wants to be quick to jump on the traditional etiquette rules.  It's no different than having a sand ceremony,  same meaning, just different way of going about showing the family coming together as a unit.  Again, my intent was not to say anyone else was wrong, just that traditional "proper" rules don't always have to be followed and to encourage the OP in her walk.   

KGold80

The stepfather is not making the commitment to the children. The stepfather is making the commitment to the mother, which (if she is smart) means that she has determined that he is a suitable stepfather to her children. The children will remain hers regardless of what happens in the relationship. That has nothing to do with etiquette, but has everything to do with understanding what a marriage is and what a marriage is not. Legally, the marriage is between consenting adults. Including your child in marriage vows is definitely not the same thing as a sand ceremony.

CMGragain

If you are speaking of the invitation, "Together with their families" does include your daughter!  Though it is not traditional wording, it is not improper.
Most posters are upset about your plans to include vows to your child in your wedding vows.  As I have explained, this can be very hurtful later on.

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

Your point is what exactly?  I guess I'm not getting your point at all.  This particular wording on an invite doesn't hurt anyone.  Befuddles me that you think it might in any way.  Its in INclusive, not EXclusive.  

A divorce can hurt a child emotionally regardless of what happened in a wedding. A boyfriend/girlfriend breakup can hurt the child too if the child was emotionally attached to the significant other.  By marrying the mother, the step-father is making a commitment to the child which could be broken...but it could be broken by a natural father as well. Personally, while I'm not walking in blind, I'm also not walking into my wedding thinking about "well we could get divorced so I'm going to do this (or that...)"  I can't see how that argument really has any place in a discussion on wording of a wedding invite.

And like me, you are all entitled to an opinion.  No ones is better than another's.  I'm not right and neither are you...we each just have a different opinion, both of which could be correct. If you don't like it then good, don't include them in yours. I'm not saying you must..I'm saying that IN MY OPINION there is nothing wrong with it.  It's funny because a quick google search will find many posts about including children on invites and in the ceremony with simple vowsand/or token, but on here everyone wants to be quick to jump on the traditional etiquette rules.  It's no different than having a sand ceremony,  same meaning, just different way of going about showing the family coming together as a unit.  Again, my intent was not to say anyone else was wrong, just that traditional "proper" rules don't always have to be followed and to encourage the OP in her walk.   

And we don't agree with your intent.  And like you said, we are entitled to our opinions and even to express them.  You are entitled not to agree with us.  You are not entitled to expect us to agree with you or to endorse the idea that "traditional 'proper' rules don't always have to be followed."

Istoleahalo

Again, I'm not looking for endorsement, acceptance, or anything of the such. My fiance, my daughter, my family, and my friends are all in 100% agreement and support of what we have planned and that is all the acceptance I need.  I was responding to the original poster  as I could see where she might have felt a bit confused or misunderstood... I do not need your acceptance for what I wish to do with my wedding, nor do you need mine.  A wedding is a personal thing between those involved.   She asked a question and I answered.  If you do not like what I'm doing, well then it's a good thing you aren't coming to my wedding, huh?    Because I do not need to be judged by those who do not know me, I'll no longer be responding.

To the original poster... or anyone else for that matter:  Please do not let tradition or antiquated etiquette rules dictate what you and your family want to do on your special day.  Do what is in your hearts and enjoy your day with your family!

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

Again, I'm not looking for endorsement, acceptance, or anything of the such. My fiance, my daughter, my family, and my friends are all in 100% agreement and support of what we have planned and that is all the acceptance I need.  I was responding to the original poster  as I could see where she might have felt a bit confused or misunderstood... I do not need your acceptance for what I wish to do with my wedding, nor do you need mine.  A wedding is a personal thing between those involved.   She asked a question and I answered.  If you do not like what I'm doing, well then it's a good thing you aren't coming to my wedding, huh?    Because I do not need to be judged by those who do not know me, I'll no longer be responding.

To the original poster... or anyone else for that matter:  Please do not let tradition or antiquated etiquette rules dictate what you and your family want to do on your special day.  Do what is in your hearts and enjoy your day with your family!

Glad to hear you won't be responding, because this is bad advice.  Ta-ta.  Don't let the door smack you in the ass on the way out.

I guess you don't understand the purpose of this forum, which is to provide good advice, whether you like it or not or find it personally applicable or not.  Advice to not let "antiquated etiquette rules dictate what you and your family want to do on your special day" is bad advice, because weddings are not "your special day."  They are the day of everyone present, and if you choose not to observe etiquette, then everyone else has the right to judge you as "rude."

CMGragain

"To the original poster... or anyone else for that matter:  Please do not let tradition or antiquated etiquette rules dictate what you and your family want to do on your special day.  Do what is in your hearts and enjoy your day with your family!"

So who decides which rules are "antiquated"?  You?  Sorry, I'd rather go with etiquette experts like Miss Manners, Emily Post, Crane's Blue Book.  Having a wedding is no excuse to break long respected rules of etiquette.

JoanE2012

Istoleahalo said:

Again, I'm not looking for endorsement, acceptance, or anything of the such. My fiance, my daughter, my family, and my friends are all in 100% agreement and support of what we have planned and that is all the acceptance I need.  I was responding to the original poster  as I could see where she might have felt a bit confused or misunderstood... I do not need your acceptance for what I wish to do with my wedding, nor do you need mine.  A wedding is a personal thing between those involved.   She asked a question and I answered.  If you do not like what I'm doing, well then it's a good thing you aren't coming to my wedding, huh?    Because I do not need to be judged by those who do not know me, I'll no longer be responding.

To the original poster... or anyone else for that matter:  Please do not let tradition or antiquated etiquette rules dictate what you and your family want to do on your special day.  Do what is in your hearts and enjoy your day with your family!

Oh lookie, another special snowflake!