Very casual, VERY budget wedding. Food problems.

bwilliams2be

I've recently read about many people's opinions on reception food vs number of guests etc. I never realized it was such an issue. My question revolves around this in the sense that many family members/friends would be offended if they were not invited to our wedding, however, because of budget restrictions we simply can't afford to feed everyone. 

We have decided to keep it simple and after speaking to my caterer, have chosen to do self serve cold sandwiches, veggie and fruit platters and desserts. She's informed me that she's done many weddings with this choice of food and they've all been enjoyable so it's not the food choice that I'm concerned about. It's that I don't see how we'll be able to feed everyone who will insist on being there. So do we cut the guest list and risk offending people by not inviting them, or do we let everyone know we are limited but risk offending them by not having enough food?

QueerFemme

You either figure out a way to have enough food or don't invite too many people. You could also have a shorter reception at a non meal time and just serve punch and dessert.

hlvonb

bwilliams2be said:

I've recently read about many people's opinions on reception food vs number of guests etc. I never realized it was such an issue. My question revolves around this in the sense that many family members/friends would be offended if they were not invited to our wedding, however, because of budget restrictions we simply can't afford to feed everyone. 

We have decided to keep it simple and after speaking to my caterer, have chosen to do self serve cold sandwiches, veggie and fruit platters and desserts. She's informed me that she's done many weddings with this choice of food and they've all been enjoyable so it's not the food choice that I'm concerned about. It's that I don't see how we'll be able to feed everyone who will insist on being there. So do we cut the guest list and risk offending people by not inviting them, or do we let everyone know we are limited but risk offending them by not having enough food?

I would cut the guest list or find the extra money for the food. My first option would be to cut the list though

jessicabessica

You control who gets invited to the wedding.  Guests don't get to invite themselves.  Decide how many people you want to invite and what your budget is.  If you can feed a meal to everyone, great, if not, serve less food at a non-meal time (start your ceremony around 2 pm or 8 pm to avoid meal times).  

People need to get over not being invited, and it's polite for you not to discuss your wedding with those who are not going to be invited.  

Maggie0829

Having not enough food for your guests is by far worse then cutting the guest list.  I can't believe that you are even considering that option.  Honestly, when it comes to weddings and guest list hard decisions have to be made.  If the people you can't invite don't understand that then they are assholes.

Cut your guest list so that you can feed all of your guests.

Also like scribe suggested, have your wedding at a non meal time so that you don't have to serve an actual meal but rather just snacks and cake.

tammym1001

I agree with other PP's, but I have an honest question for you. How do you decide who gets to eat at the reception and who doesn't? If it's first come, first served then you and the groom, your wedding party, and possibly your parents are probably going to end up not getting to eat because you will be taking pictures and greeting people. Or would you tell certain people they could come, but they have to sit there and watch everyone else eat and they aren't allowed to eat any? I'm just confused on how you thought that would even work.

kmmssg

Agree with the others - the worst decision here is to not have enough food for everyone.  Cut the guest list and let them get over it.  If people aren't paying they don't get to demand an invitation to your wedding.

I know it is hard and I married into a huge family but you have to set your boundaries now and let people know they can't intimidate you into doing what they want.  Most every couple has to cut the guest list somewhere along the line.

ONLY INVITE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE YOU CAN AFFORD TO PROPERLY FEED.

AddieCake

I am stunned you would think not providing enough food would even be an option.

hyechica81

so say you invited all those guest, and did not have enough food the call people to line up to get food i get to the  table and there are 5 people behind me and only one sandwich kinda rude.


you need a way to properly host your guest, are all these people very close family members? if so they you really need to invite them.

your other thing would to re evaluate the budget and cut elsewhere spend less on favors or flowers you can get really nice affordable flowers for half the cost of expensive ones skip the chair coverings if you are doing them. use less expensive invites, and put the extra money into your food budget

or like others said hold a cake and punch reception with some fruit platters and some other mini deserts 

bwilliams2be

Thank you to those who have been tactful in your responses. To be completely honest, I didn't realize all the crazy details that go into weddings until I joined this site, and it has ultimately done nothing but cause me stress. MY friends and family, regardless of what anyone wants to tell me, would understand. My fiance's family may be different, I don't know.  But I'm trying to hold to wedding etiquette as much as possible. I completely understand that it is rude to not have enough food. Completely. But (in my opinion) it's also rude to not invite people who have been extremely supportive and who ideally deserve an invitation. Even if they do understand. It was an honest question and I am honestly struggling with it. To me, there are two sides, and it isn't all about food. I think weddings have become ridiculous with the standards that so many people believe need to be upheld. Whatever happened to wanting to support people you love falling in love without demanding something in return? I understand it's respectful and courteous to give back to the ones who are there for you, I do. But goodness.

Unfortunately, cutting the budget elsewhere isn't an option. We already have decided against favors (outside of bubbles, mostly for the kids, from Oriental Trading (SUPER CHEAP)), and my flowers are as cheap as they come (artificial, and I'm putting them together myself). We are borrowing tables, and I've searched everywhere for the cheapest deal on chairs that I can find (with no covers), plus we're borrowing some of those as well and picking up the ones we'll need to reserve rather than having them delivered (which I found out would cost an extra $250).  My friend is doing our photography and helping me design invitations/announcements, which I will take and print out myself to save money in that area. We will be hand delivering as many of those as possible too. We are having a family member/friend make our cake. We are skimping on decor outside of centerpieces which are composed of materials that I found on sale, and designed by me. Our venue is my in-law's backyard (FREE). Our guest book will be free. I'm decorating a basket for my daughter instead spending crazy amounts for a flower basket. If I can find a pillow small enough to decorate on my own, the same will be done for the ring pillow. And I honestly feel that, as far as food goes, we have made the cheapest selection. Our meats and cheeses will be cheap because of where my fiance and other family members work, and we've decided (as tacky as it may sound) to have immediate family members bring salads (and believe me they are more than willing to help in that area). Also, my caterer is a family member who gets deals on breads/desserts/fruits/veggies because of where she works and she has made it clear that she is happy to give us the best deal that she can.

So forgive me for not knowing how to handle it, I have a soft spot when it comes to involving people I care about in my personal affairs (like getting married). I have cut my part of the guest list down to almost no one outside of my immediate family and bridal party, and I'm still concerned.

emmyg65

While I agree with you that the "standard" wedding has gotten out of hand, having enough food to feed your guests has nothing to do with weddings. It's a standard, very old, essential part of hospitality, for all types of gatherings.

You've come up with a great solution to feed people cheaply, and your menu sounds really tasty. But you do need to make sure you have enough of it for all your guests.

grumbledore

bwilliams2be said:

Thank you to those who have been tactful in your responses. To be completely honest, I didn't realize all the crazy details that go into weddings until I joined this site, and it has ultimately done nothing but cause me stress. MY friends and family, regardless of what anyone wants to tell me, would understand. My fiance's family may be different, I don't know.  But I'm trying to hold to wedding etiquette as much as possible. I completely understand that it is rude to not have enough food. Completely. But (in my opinion) it's also rude to not invite people who have been extremely supportive and who ideally deserve an invitation. Even if they do understand. It was an honest question and I am honestly struggling with it. To me, there are two sides, and it isn't all about food. I think weddings have become ridiculous with the standards that so many people believe need to be upheld. Whatever happened to wanting to support people you love falling in love without demanding something in return? I understand it's respectful and courteous to give back to the ones who are there for you, I do. But goodness.

Unfortunately, cutting the budget elsewhere isn't an option. We already have decided against favors (outside of bubbles, mostly for the kids, from Oriental Trading (SUPER CHEAP)), and my flowers are as cheap as they come (artificial, and I'm putting them together myself). We are borrowing tables, and I've searched everywhere for the cheapest deal on chairs that I can find (with no covers), plus we're borrowing some of those as well and picking up the ones we'll need to reserve rather than having them delivered (which I found out would cost an extra $250).  My friend is doing our photography and helping me design invitations/announcements, which I will take and print out myself to save money in that area. We will be hand delivering as many of those as possible too. We are having a family member/friend make our cake. We are skimping on decor outside of centerpieces which are composed of materials that I found on sale, and designed by me. Our venue is my in-law's backyard (FREE). Our guest book will be free. I'm decorating a basket for my daughter instead spending crazy amounts for a flower basket. If I can find a pillow small enough to decorate on my own, the same will be done for the ring pillow. And I honestly feel that, as far as food goes, we have made the cheapest selection. Our meats and cheeses will be cheap because of where my fiance and other family members work, and we've decided (as tacky as it may sound) to have immediate family members bring salads (and believe me they are more than willing to help in that area). Also, my caterer is a family member who gets deals on breads/desserts/fruits/veggies because of where she works and she has made it clear that she is happy to give us the best deal that she can.

So forgive me for not knowing how to handle it, I have a soft spot when it comes to involving people I care about in my personal affairs (like getting married). I have cut my part of the guest list down to almost no one outside of my immediate family and bridal party, and I'm still concerned.

An invitation to what exactly though?  To a party with no food?  That's no honor, and it's no thank you gift for their support.  This is a very very bad idea.  Do cake and punch and if you need to invite all of these people.  There's nothing wrong with that.  You are focusing on inconsequential details instead of what matters - properly hosting your invited guests by giving them something to eat and drink.  Stop buying artificial flowers and save the money for cake.

tammym1001

bwilliams2be said:

Thank you to those who have been tactful in your responses. To be completely honest, I didn't realize all the crazy details that go into weddings until I joined this site, and it has ultimately done nothing but cause me stress. MY friends and family, regardless of what anyone wants to tell me, would understand. My fiance's family may be different, I don't know.  But I'm trying to hold to wedding etiquette as much as possible. I completely understand that it is rude to not have enough food. Completely. But (in my opinion) it's also rude to not invite people who have been extremely supportive and who ideally deserve an invitation. Even if they do understand. It was an honest question and I am honestly struggling with it. To me, there are two sides, and it isn't all about food. I think weddings have become ridiculous with the standards that so many people believe need to be upheld. Whatever happened to wanting to support people you love falling in love without demanding something in return? I understand it's respectful and courteous to give back to the ones who are there for you, I do. But goodness.

Unfortunately, cutting the budget elsewhere isn't an option. We already have decided against favors (outside of bubbles, mostly for the kids, from Oriental Trading (SUPER CHEAP)), and my flowers are as cheap as they come (artificial, and I'm putting them together myself). We are borrowing tables, and I've searched everywhere for the cheapest deal on chairs that I can find (with no covers), plus we're borrowing some of those as well and picking up the ones we'll need to reserve rather than having them delivered (which I found out would cost an extra $250).  My friend is doing our photography and helping me design invitations/announcements, which I will take and print out myself to save money in that area. We will be hand delivering as many of those as possible too. We are having a family member/friend make our cake. We are skimping on decor outside of centerpieces which are composed of materials that I found on sale, and designed by me. Our venue is my in-law's backyard (FREE). Our guest book will be free. I'm decorating a basket for my daughter instead spending crazy amounts for a flower basket. If I can find a pillow small enough to decorate on my own, the same will be done for the ring pillow. And I honestly feel that, as far as food goes, we have made the cheapest selection. Our meats and cheeses will be cheap because of where my fiance and other family members work, and we've decided (as tacky as it may sound) to have immediate family members bring salads (and believe me they are more than willing to help in that area). Also, my caterer is a family member who gets deals on breads/desserts/fruits/veggies because of where she works and she has made it clear that she is happy to give us the best deal that she can.

So forgive me for not knowing how to handle it, I have a soft spot when it comes to involving people I care about in my personal affairs (like getting married). I have cut my part of the guest list down to almost no one outside of my immediate family and bridal party, and I'm still concerned.

I'm still curious as to how you will determine who gets to eat and who doesn't?

bananasplit472001

bwilliams2be said:

I've recently read about many people's opinions on reception food vs number of guests etc. I never realized it was such an issue. My question revolves around this in the sense that many family members/friends would be offended if they were not invited to our wedding, however, because of budget restrictions we simply can't afford to feed everyone. 

We have decided to keep it simple and after speaking to my caterer, have chosen to do self serve cold sandwiches, veggie and fruit platters and desserts. She's informed me that she's done many weddings with this choice of food and they've all been enjoyable so it's not the food choice that I'm concerned about. It's that I don't see how we'll be able to feed everyone who will insist on being there. So do we cut the guest list and risk offending people by not inviting them, or do we let everyone know we are limited but risk offending them by not having enough food?

If you purchase enough food for the amount of people you want to invite I don't see a problem with doing this.  But I would not account for one sandwich per person.  I would account for over that amount and have at least double the amount of food for people.  Because it is served buffet style people will go back for seconds and you can't stop them from taking as much as they want.  You can invite as many people as you want just make sure that you have an over abundance of food.

Since cost seems to be the issue here than I agree with PP and cut the guest list.  Either way your going to need to have more food than just one sandwich per person.  People will be hungry and will eat more food than normal, you just can't control that.  Even though wedding standards are high for wedding nowadays, you need to have enough food to accommodative who you chose to invite.

theartistformerlyknownas

I understand it's a tough position to be in but if someone "deserves" to come to your wedding, they deserve to be fed. It would be more offensive to me to get an invitation and nothing but scraps of garnish to eat, than it would be to just not get invited. Have you ever been to a birthday party where the pizza runs out before you get any? Or show up for a Super Bowl party at dinner time only to realize there's a single bag of chips for 20 people to share? It's incredibly annoying as a guest, and those are way less important events than your wedding. Your reception is where you thank all of these wonderful people for their support of your marriage... if you run out of food, it's not a very nice thank you, it's a slap in the face. 

Please see what you can do to squeeze the most servings out of your budget, and then only invite that many people. That could include moving your reception to a time when people won't need/want/expect a full meal - maybe you could keep your lunch meats and cheeses but serve them at 3:00 with crackers instead of as sandwiches - the same amount will go much further. Good luck.

MrsMarende

It sounds like your best solution is to invite all of the people you want, but do not serve dinner. Instead have cake and refreshments, if you can afford to light appetizers and plan your wedding at a non-meal time. 

I can tell by your posts that having your friends in attendance is the most important thing for you, and why shouldn't it be. I am sure all of your friends and family want to come and see you be wed too! However this mean sacrifices in other areas, like having a full meal for guests, because this is out of your budget. 

You can still have a perfectly lovely and properly hosted wedding without a meal and with all of your friends and family in attendance.

Here is a great article about a "punch and cake reception" http://offbeatbride.com/2013/01/cake-and-punch#.UxlC_D9dUnU

QueerFemme

Have a wedding reception at a non-meal time, and serve soft drinks and dessert.  People WILL understand that you are broke, but they will still be hungry if your reception is at a meal time.  And it is not an honor to invite them to a party that is tacky and improperly hosted.  I don't mean proper, in that, you need to have a hotel ballroom wedding. But, you NEED to host your guests. And you need to do it without turning it into a potluck.  Seriously, even if someone says "Oh hey, want me to bring some salads?", you should really decline.   How are you going to control food safety?  How are you going to control serving that? How do you know they will bring enough to actually feed ALL of your guests?

I'm all for cutting back and having casual weddings, but if you invite people to your event, you need to host it. 

 

lookame3639

It sounds like the most important thing to you is having your friends and family there which is understanable. I suggest moving the time up to a 1 or 2 pm wedding (or even have a morning wedding) at these times you don't have to serve a full meal, just some cake a desserts and punch/drinks. If you move it to a morning wedding then you can have brunch (although this may still be to expensive for the amount of people you are inviting).

I suggest stopping by the "worst wedding ever" thread on the etiquette board. One of the main themes with a bad wedding is limited/no food for their guests and/or cold food. That and making guests setup and cleanup before and after your wedding as well.

DizDiz&Grim

You and I have the EXACT same problem, minus the people being offened - I'm just terrified of hurting people.

rdixon571

Okay, so I only read half of the comments because it started getting heated and I didn't care...

BUT!  Can I ask what your budget for the food is?  And how many people you think will be there?  

If you're doing deli meats, I'd not forget to check out places like BJ's or something for that.

And pre-make your own tea, lemonaid and such.  Maybe soda from BJ's too?

I'd suggest doing less food.  Not quantity... but less options.  Like skip appetizers?  Or actually skip fruit and veggie platters because fruit and veggies are ex-PEN-sive!  Or maybe just do like someone else said and do just an hors d'eourves reception or dessert reception.  

Or you can get your family to help by doing a pot-luck.  And I don't mean to say that you should ask everyone to bring something... but maybe have ask your mom to bring the meats, your aunt to bring rolls, your other aunt to bring condiments... anyone that you're very close to and who you think would be willing to help out.  Don't tell anyone its kinda secretly a pot-luck.  That should avoid anyone making comments about it.  No one has to know!  

On a side note... my cousin is getting married in VA later this year (most of our side of his family is in NY) and we found out that his wedding is going to be 100% dry, and only cold cut appetizers.  So honestly most of us aren't going to go because the cost to go down there, get a hotel, give a gift, and get back, is just too much money for a not-so-fun wedding.  

His sister did something like it last year at a boyscout reservation last year but there were cabins available for us to stay in and we all brought our own beer and wine.  (Let's just say it was a huge weekend long BLAST!)  

So just keep in mind to inform your guests that it'll not be a huge huge meal and maybe some will elect not to come and that'll have a bitter-sweet side effect of having less mouths to feed.  

Another thought that I know you won't want to hear... you could elope and come back and have a backyard party?  And then everyone Will help bring food!

Or you could wait and save up money and do a bigger shindig next year or in a couple years?  

I know those probably aren't the options you want to hear but... they're still noble, too.

My fave choice?  The secret pot-luck.  Especially if you have a friend help do the catering.  She can switch out the trays of food for you.  Side thought... maybe supply them with the pans to bring the food in so people don't notice "that's grandma nancy's xmas platter!"  You know?

Chin up!  Smile!  It's your wedding!  Most important thing is to smile, have fun, and marry the person you love.  The rest is just the after-party.

AprilH81

rdixon571 said:

Okay, so I only read half of the comments because it started getting heated and I didn't care...

BUT!  Can I ask what your budget for the food is?  And how many people you think will be there?  

If you're doing deli meats, I'd not forget to check out places like BJ's or something for that.

And pre-make your own tea, lemonaid and such.  Maybe soda from BJ's too?

I'd suggest doing less food.  Not quantity... but less options.  Like skip appetizers?  Or actually skip fruit and veggie platters because fruit and veggies are ex-PEN-sive!  Or maybe just do like someone else said and do just an hors d'eourves reception or dessert reception.  

Or you can get your family to help by doing a pot-luck.  And I don't mean to say that you should ask everyone to bring something... but maybe have ask your mom to bring the meats, your aunt to bring rolls, your other aunt to bring condiments... anyone that you're very close to and who you think would be willing to help out.  Don't tell anyone its kinda secretly a pot-luck.  That should avoid anyone making comments about it.  No one has to know!  

On a side note... my cousin is getting married in VA later this year (most of our side of his family is in NY) and we found out that his wedding is going to be 100% dry, and only cold cut appetizers.  So honestly most of us aren't going to go because the cost to go down there, get a hotel, give a gift, and get back, is just too much money for a not-so-fun wedding.  

His sister did something like it last year at a boyscout reservation last year but there were cabins available for us to stay in and we all brought our own beer and wine.  (Let's just say it was a huge weekend long BLAST!)  

So just keep in mind to inform your guests that it'll not be a huge huge meal and maybe some will elect not to come and that'll have a bitter-sweet side effect of having less mouths to feed.  

Another thought that I know you won't want to hear... you could elope and come back and have a backyard party?  And then everyone Will help bring food!

Or you could wait and save up money and do a bigger shindig next year or in a couple years?  

I know those probably aren't the options you want to hear but... they're still noble, too.

My fave choice?  The secret pot-luck.  Especially if you have a friend help do the catering.  She can switch out the trays of food for you.  Side thought... maybe supply them with the pans to bring the food in so people don't notice "that's grandma nancy's xmas platter!"  You know?

Chin up!  Smile!  It's your wedding!  Most important thing is to smile, have fun, and marry the person you love.  The rest is just the after-party.

Worst idea ever.  Don't do a pot luck it is VERY rude.

Lizzieyounce

rdixon571 said:

Okay, so I only read half of the comments because it started getting heated and I didn't care...

BUT!  Can I ask what your budget for the food is?  And how many people you think will be there?  

If you're doing deli meats, I'd not forget to check out places like BJ's or something for that.

And pre-make your own tea, lemonaid and such.  Maybe soda from BJ's too?

I'd suggest doing less food.  Not quantity... but less options.  Like skip appetizers?  Or actually skip fruit and veggie platters because fruit and veggies are ex-PEN-sive!  Or maybe just do like someone else said and do just an hors d'eourves reception or dessert reception.  

Or you can get your family to help by doing a pot-luck.  And I don't mean to say that you should ask everyone to bring something... but maybe have ask your mom to bring the meats, your aunt to bring rolls, your other aunt to bring condiments... anyone that you're very close to and who you think would be willing to help out.  Don't tell anyone its kinda secretly a pot-luck.  That should avoid anyone making comments about it.  No one has to know!  

On a side note... my cousin is getting married in VA later this year (most of our side of his family is in NY) and we found out that his wedding is going to be 100% dry, and only cold cut appetizers.  So honestly most of us aren't going to go because the cost to go down there, get a hotel, give a gift, and get back, is just too much money for a not-so-fun wedding.  

His sister did something like it last year at a boyscout reservation last year but there were cabins available for us to stay in and we all brought our own beer and wine.  (Let's just say it was a huge weekend long BLAST!)  

So just keep in mind to inform your guests that it'll not be a huge huge meal and maybe some will elect not to come and that'll have a bitter-sweet side effect of having less mouths to feed.  

Another thought that I know you won't want to hear... you could elope and come back and have a backyard party?  And then everyone Will help bring food!

Or you could wait and save up money and do a bigger shindig next year or in a couple years?  

I know those probably aren't the options you want to hear but... they're still noble, too.

My fave choice?  The secret pot-luck.  Especially if you have a friend help do the catering.  She can switch out the trays of food for you.  Side thought... maybe supply them with the pans to bring the food in so people don't notice "that's grandma nancy's xmas platter!"  You know?

Chin up!  Smile!  It's your wedding!  Most important thing is to smile, have fun, and marry the person you love.  The rest is just the after-party.

hyechica81

you somehow need to find a way to have food for every guest bjs costco sams sell deli meats in bulk,you could get your rolls condiments and meats and cheeses dont make it complicated get turkey and ham american and swiss cheese pickles mustard mayo, 2 huge salads potato and mac salad they are very inxpensive to make


my mac salad recipe
2 boxes of elbow mac cook according to directions
1 cup mayo
chopped onion i use 2 red or white
celery optional but if you do chop fine about 3 stalks
3 - 4 hard boiled eggs 2 chooped and the rest sliced
some paprika to sprinkle on top
mix mac onions celery if using mayo and 2 chopped eggs till combined
place remaining sliced eggs on top and sprinkle paprika all over top

this would be enough for a very small crowed you would need to double or tripled the recipe to feed everyone

for potato salad 2 bags of potato pealed and cut cooked use yukon gold or whatever you like

2-3 cups of mayo if looks to dry you can add more
salt pepper to taste
green onions
 mix everything in a large bowl