Rehearsal Dinner Fiasco

AimeeG526

My FMIL was planning the rehearsal dinner. She suddenly can't afford it. We know her situation so we understand. We would like to host it ourselves but we aren't made of money either! My fiancé's sister wants to host it at their house and have a local BBQ place cater. That would be fine if there weren't at least 30 people coming. Their house is 1,400 sqtf and their table seats 6. On top of that, it is a 45 min drive from the church to their house but an hour back to my parent's and grandparent's hotel. Is it considered rude to have people pay for their own meal at the rehearsal dinner? I already know about the controlled menu because I was planning it myself before I was told his mom didn't want me involved in that part of the planning. I'm just under 3 weeks out and don't have a clue what to do! {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fnil\fcharset0 CourierNewPSMT;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs24 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 [url=http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt19ee44.aspx[/img][/url]}

HisGirlFriday13

AimeeG526 said:

My FMIL was planning the rehearsal dinner. She suddenly can't afford it. We know her situation so we understand. We would like to host it ourselves but we aren't made of money either! My fiancé's sister wants to host it at their house and have a local BBQ place cater. That would be fine if there weren't at least 30 people coming. Their house is 1,400 sqtf and their table seats 6. On top of that, it is a 45 min drive from the church to their house but an hour back to my parent's and grandparent's hotel. Is it considered rude to have people pay for their own meal at the rehearsal dinner? I already know about the controlled menu because I was planning it myself before I was told his mom didn't want me involved in that part of the planning. I'm just under 3 weeks out and don't have a clue what to do! {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252 {\fonttbl\f0\fnil\fcharset0 CourierNewPSMT;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;\red51\green51\blue51;\red255\green255\blue255;} \deftab720 \pard\pardeftab720\sl280\partightenfactor0 \f0\fs24 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0 \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 [url=http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt19ee44.aspx[/img][/url]}

1. Yes, it's rude to have people pay for their own meals at a rehearsal dinner.

2. You only have to have an RD if you're having a rehearsal -- if you're not having an overly complicated or involved ceremony, you can skip the rehearsal (and thus the RD) entirely.

3. 30 people seems like a lot -- you really only need to invite to the rehearsal people who need to participate in the wedding and their SOs. So BMs, GM, officiant, cantor, lector, reader, etc. But again -- see number 2; you don't have to have a rehearsal at all if you're not having a complicated ceremony, skip the rehearsal entirely.

AddieCake

Ditto HGF. Is there a way to cut down your numbers? You can also go to an inexpensive restaurant (we went for pizza) to save money.

dolewhipper

Unfortunately this is what happens when you don't get the money upfront. My step dad claims he will "take care of the RD" though I'm going to make sure I have the funds in the event he can't afford later down the line. Things happen, people get into situations. I would take the PPs advice on cutting the list, unless you've already sent invites.

KatWAG

Can you afford pizzas and soda?

CrazyCatLady3

I agree with KatWag.  See if you can bring in pizza and soda to the church hall or function room after the rehearsal.  That also cuts out travel issues.