Was it all worth it??

LabLove86

Hello there -

So my BF and I have been discussing budgets for numerous things lately (mostly a house and a wedding - and how they will effect each other. . . .). 

So I was just wondering if anyone had regrets on cutting back on anything? Or wished you had splurged on something that you didn't?

We do know that we want something more than JOP wedding - but we don't know what kind of budget to start saving for (Big difference between saving for 10K or 30K. . . .). And of course a house will be priority #1 just because we will be there for more than a single day - but we both want that single day to be special.

Thanks guys!

QueerFemme

We spent about $12k total for 130 guests in the bay area. We had a somewhat casual wedding but still served a full meal a d plenty of alcohol and the venue was beautiful.

We could have easily spent $25 or 30k. We had the money to spend but we just didn't want to spend that much. In the end I don't regret not spending that much. We had a gorgeous wedding and it was really fun!

I wish I wouldn't have been so strict on my dress budget though. I still had a really decent budget, but there were some dresses that were only a couple hundred dollars more that I wouldn't even look at on principal because it didn't fit in the budget I had in my head. I still may have ended up with the same dress, but I do regret not allowing myself to look a little higher.

emmyg65

Before we started planning, we sat down and decided how we wanted our wedding to feel and what our top priorities were. We decided we wanted all our close family and friends to be there, a meaningful ceremony, and a fun party for the reception. Our spending priorities were photography, food, and alcohol.

We made sure all our expenses reflected these feelings and priorities. We ended up spending about $15K for 100 guests, which seems like a lot. But because we took the time to be thoughtful in the beginning, it was all worth it.

What you decide to splurge or save on should reflect your own priorities.

Maggie0829

My parents paid for our wedding and it came to be about $25K and it occurred in Baltimore, MD.

The majority of our money (probably 60%) went to the reception for apps, full meal (4 different stations) and open bar.  Looking back I would have splurged a bit more on a different DJ but the one we had was fine.  And if we had it in our budget I would have splurged more on flowers and had them everywhere, but then again I love flowers, so the more there are the better.

But I think the best thing you can do is figure out what parts of the wedding are most important to you (such as photography, flowers, cake, etc) and list them in order of priority.  Then figure out a lump sum that you feel comfortable spending.  And just start doing lots of research.  Ask your local board on here for recommendations.  Also remember that all the little details that you may think are necessary (such as favors or chair covers or colored linens) in the end won't make much of an impact as you may think.  So get the big stuff done first and then if you have any money leftover work on the little details.

AddieCake

Ours was about $12,000 for under 100 people. We wanted to elope, but my father made it clear that would crush him, so we compromised with a simple wedding that we were comfortable with, and he paid for everything. I was glad we went through with it, but I must admit if we had paid for it ourselves, I would probably say no, spending 12 k on a few hours of my life was not worth it.

osarto

If your goal is to have a house then do NOT splurge on the wedding.  The most important things for guests on your wedding is great food and great music...guests usually dont care too much about the decorations or the flowers so dont spend a lot of money on decor.  Besides a house is a better investment than a one day party.

Ven&Radio

Having a traditional wedding with our friends and family was really important to H.  I would have been perfectly happy going to city hall/courthouse.  We had a wonderful wedding and we've received lots of compliments on it (my amazing DOC deserves most of the credit, though). We had already bought a house, so we were in a place where we could put a fair amount of money towards a wedding and my family gave us a generous amount towards it as well.  I struggle with the question of was it worth it, though.  There are alot of other things we could have done with that money. 

LabLove86

Thanks for the responses guys!

Making a priority list is such an excellent idea - we will do that for sure. It's not necessarily a matter of one or the other as far as wedding vs. house - it's a matter of how much to put aside for each. (Smaller down payment with a more expensive wedding? Or cheaper wedding with a bigger down payment.......)

I have just heard of some people regretting spending so much - and conversely heard of people wishing they hadn't held back AS much.

It will all work out I'm sure - just wondering if there was a general consensus!

Maggie0829

LabLove86 said:

Thanks for the responses guys! Making a priority list is such an excellent idea - we will do that for sure. It's not necessarily a matter of one or the other as far as wedding vs. house - it's a matter of how much to put aside for each. (Smaller down payment with a more expensive wedding? Or cheaper wedding with a bigger down payment.......) I have just heard of some people regretting spending so much - and conversely heard of people wishing they hadn't held back AS much. It will all work out I'm sure - just wondering if there was a general consensus!

If I had to choose between the bolded, I would choose the bigger down payment and smaller wedding budget.  You may have to do more research or more DIY to get the overall look you want in your wedding but a bigger down payment on a house will be more beneficial in the long run.

LabLove86

Maggie0829 said:

LabLove86 said:

Thanks for the responses guys! Making a priority list is such an excellent idea - we will do that for sure. It's not necessarily a matter of one or the other as far as wedding vs. house - it's a matter of how much to put aside for each. (Smaller down payment with a more expensive wedding? Or cheaper wedding with a bigger down payment.......) I have just heard of some people regretting spending so much - and conversely heard of people wishing they hadn't held back AS much. It will all work out I'm sure - just wondering if there was a general consensus!

If I had to choose between the bolded, I would choose the bigger down payment and smaller wedding budget.  You may have to do more research or more DIY to get the overall look you want in your wedding but a bigger down payment on a house will be more beneficial in the long run.

Yeah - we are leaning towards that option for sure. Now just gotta get surfin and figure out how to do it!

emmyg65

I highly recommend the book A Practical Wedding. We found it really useful for helping us cut through the crap and plan a meaningful, fun wedding. Plus it has lots of suggestions for saving money.

[Deleted User]

No regrets, we hosted 120 people for about $10,000 which included full dinner & open bar. The thing that helped us save a lot of money was family & friends. A friend did our chocolate favors as our wedding gift, my SIL did our photography as a gift (she is a professional photographer w/her own studio & staff), & my husband has a 2nd job as a limo driver & the owner only charged us for gas & the driver's hourly rate. I tried to keep things simple & elegant and I thought it turned out beautiful.

AprilH81

Our budget was $14,000 including everything except for the honeymoon (even our wedding rings).  We had a lunch reception in the winter and it helped us reallly stretch our budget to get everything we wanted (including going over budget for a videographer).  We had about 80 guests and if we had done this exact wedding in peak season/at night it would have been at least double.

We are now getting ready to buy a new house and I do have a *smidge* of regret that we spent so much on the wedding because that is money that we don't have available for moving, but the day was everything I wanted (H didn't care about as long as we got married).  One of my uncles has talked to Mom several times and keeps raving about how much fun he had. That makes me happy. 

LabLove86

You guys are so helpful! Thanks a million!

I will look into that book for sure and consider off-season...... I REALLY want fall - but that isn't exactly considered off season anymore.

LabLove86

prettybirdy27 said:

Off-season may be earlier than you think.  My venue considered October as peak season but November as off-season.  We really wanted a fall wedding too but, despite the huge price break we would've gotten if we had waited a month, we wanted our wedding early October.  So if you would be okay with a later fall wedding, you still may be able to get off-season prices.

We bought a house while we were wedding planning.  When our down payment turned out to be larger than I thought it would be, I had absolutely no issue taking that from our wedding savings and then stretching our wedding budget.  A wedding is very important, but IMO, a house is even more important.

We ended up spending $16k on everything except honeymoon.  We had 75 people attend.  It does boggle my mind when I look back and see that we spent $16k on the day.  If I could go back and do it again, I would keep almost everything except two things the same:

1. I wouldn't have gotten a wedding cake - the venue had many different desserts available that counted toward our food minimum, but the wedding cake didn't count, so it ended up being an extra $400

2.  I would take that extra $400 and put it toward a less-shitty florist.  I had only a $700 budget for flowers and found a florist that was willing to work with my price range, but she really sucked and messed up my flowers and then was snotty about it.  I still get mad thinking about it.

 

Good luck!  House hunting for us was one of the most heartbreaking but rewarding experiences we've ever gone though.  It's heartbreaking when you find a dream home and your offer gets rejected - this happened to us four times.  But once you get the right house and your offer is accepted, it's really wonderful.

To the bolded - this is exactly how we feel!

I've done some research as far as venues go in my area - but none of them say on their website what the off-season is or if there is a price-break or not. But we will for sure get those details once we are actually looking/meeting with the venus/ect.

ETA - we will be looking for a house first - and are super excited about that!

AprilH81

LabLove86 said:

I've done some research as far as venues go in my area - but none of them say on their website what the off-season is or if there is a price-break or not. But we will for sure get those details once we are actually looking/meeting with the venus/ect.

ETA - we will be looking for a house first - and are super excited about that!

Off season deals can also be found with vendors, not just the venue.  Our vidographer gave us $1000 off of our package because it was off season and everything was at one place (no driving all over town) and our photographer added an extra hour to our package and threw in an engagement session for $100 (normally about $600).

Where we couldn't get discounts we still had our pick of vendors because the competition wasn't there.  So we got a very popular and very inexpensive DJ, a good florist and everything else without having to hear a lot of "Sorry, we're booked that day.".

Another way to save money is to do a brunch/lunch reception.  Ours was a lunch reception and it was beautiful (I know I'm biased) and people still danced and stayed almost to the end.  The only reason people left early was because of the heavy snow coming down all day and not everyone left...

There are a ton of options out there to make a beautiful event!

maybebabytx

Our budget is 15k for around 125 guests. As long as the wedding is a blast (IMO, awesome dj and open bar) I think it will be worth it. Essentially my entire family and a lot of friends are coming to Texas from Wisconsin so I really feel pressure to show them an amazing time. I plan to spend less on decor (probably not even having favors and the venue is already pretty), dress (I think I can find a beautiful dress for $500), flowers (not a huge flower person anyways) and most on open bar, dj, photography! I own a home already so that takes some pressure off us. We still have thought about JOP or eloping but I talked to my MOH and cousin who is married but never had a wedding and she really regrets it. Eek I'm excited

schellzinator

No regrets from me!  We spent about $15,000 all together for 130 guests in a shore town in New Jersey.  The venue/food/open bar/beach ceremony setup was the most expensive part - but it was one check and no hassle because the venue had a "wedding planner."  I saved a lot of money on flowers, DJ and photographer by not feeling pressure to cave to the wedding industry.  For example, I used a local florist for bouquets and went to the farm up the street for pumpkins as centerpieces. DJ and photographer - my goal was to keep under $950 and did enough research to find that.  And lastly, a bunch of DYI (favors, cupcakes and cake topper myself). I was even able to splurge in the end based on my savings to get a trolley that took people back and forth to the hotel/bars.

short+sassy

I'm definitely in the "less money, bigger down payment" camp.  Hang out on these boards and you will run into lots of ways to save big money, but still have a beautiful and well-hosted event.

I had a very small wedding with only about 30 people.  By keeping it that small, I was able to have it at my mom's house in her gorgeous patio/garden area.  And it was just a lot less hassle and planning that way.  With that huge savings, we were able to go higher end on flowers and photography.  I'd say the food was a splurge also because it was so delicous lol, but we had it catered from a local restaurant so it was also really inexpensive.

For me, it was perfect having a smaller simpler weddng.  With that said, I did have to give up some of the long standing ideas I'd always had about my wedding.  For example, there was no room for a dance floor so no first dance, much less any dancing at all.

I also really found that, at the end of the day, all of these things I thought I would miss or was so worried wouldn't go right didn't matter at all.  I was on Cloud Nine all day and all that mattered to me was that I had just married the love of my life and I had all my closest friends and family there to celebrate with us.

sarahufl

Not married yet, but I struggle a lot with the amount we are spending. It is probably going to be around $20k for app. 200 guests. It seems like a ton of money to put into one day. My parents are graciously paying for about 80% of it and FI are covering the rest. We have the money, but I still hate to part with it.

The thing that is keeping me....going (?) is the fact that the last 4 years have been really rough on my family. Deaths, illnesses, my sister having 2 miscarriages, my dad having 3 types of cancer. And my wedding is going to be this awesome, really happy occasion for all of us. I am so thrilled to have everyone together and it is something that really cheers up my dad on the days where getting out of bed is tough. 

Probably TMI for this forum, but I felt it was worth sharing.....I always want to remember my wedding day as the day when everyone in the world who matters to me is there and if that means spending money, I am fine with it.

LabLove86

Thanks guys for the continued advice!

We for sure are more interested in the house as a priority - but we also both want to celebrate with our family and friends when we get married - so we will really just have to figure out how to make it all happen for what we can afford. 

I am sure there are things that both of us may WANT, but will need to cut - but such is life . . . . the important thing is that we will be able to do all of it together; and we will figure out how to celebrate with our family and friends, and we will figure out how to afford the house. 

We are both very excited for these things to happen  - I'm just anxious as to HOW they will happen . . . . weren't we all at some point? haha

wrigleyville

Is this your BF or your FI? 

If you aren't engaged yet, I'd slow down on looking at venues. Prices and stuff can change a ton in the time between now and when you actually get engaged. A lot of venues won't even quote for something more than a year away for that very reason. There's nothing wrong with looking, of course, because it's nice to have an idea of the type of venue you want; just don't plan on those numbers. Does that make sense?

If you are engaged, then ignore everything I just said.

Our budget was $8000 for 50 people. We ended up inviting 43 and had 100% attendance. Part of the budget went toward paying for my parents' flights and hotel. Then the next biggest chunk was food and alcohol. We didn't serve prime rib or anything; it's just common for catering/alcohol to be a big expense. Our venue was the next priority, and then my dress was next in line.

Everything else was divvied up with the remainder of the budget. We skimped on flowers because I'm allergic and they can really take a chunk out of your budget. We didn't do favors because those are one of those "nice if we have the money, but not necessary" things. Plus, we didn't want people to have to pack anything additional when they flew home. So, we had boxes for cake and bags at our candy bar, and people took a bunch of stuff back to their hotels.

We also skipped on things like monogrammed BM robes, monogrammed hanger for my dress, "Bride" t-shirt, "BM" t-shirts, etc because while those are cute for pictures, they're really only used for pictures and probably never worn again.

LabLove86

wrigleyville said:

Is this your BF or your FI? 

If you aren't engaged yet, I'd slow down on looking at venues. Prices and stuff can change a ton in the time between now and when you actually get engaged. A lot of venues won't even quote for something more than a year away for that very reason. There's nothing wrong with looking, of course, because it's nice to have an idea of the type of venue you want; just don't plan on those numbers. Does that make sense?

He is BF at this point - but we've talked quite a bit about timeline and will soon be Fi - and I totally get what your'e sayings far as contacting venues - and I haven't/won't until we are actually in the planning stages. I have looked online and read reviews of places and compared some pricing - but until he has proposed and there is actually a time-frame we are looking at I will not contact anywhere. For the reasons you've said!!! I appreciate the head up though! And it makes total sense.

As far as the rest of your post - it sounds like you did exactly what we're planning on - essentially - getting our guest list, then prioritizing and going from there. And there for sure are things that I am ok with skipping on - such as the things you've mentioned! No need for those. I have my own shirts, thanks. (Yes, they make cute pics . . .)

harper0813

Honestly, I wish I had splurged more on my dress. After everything was all planned, I had money left over in the budget and I ended up not loving my dress, especially on the day-of when it was unseasonably hot - almost 100 - and extremely humid after pouring all morning, so it killed the structure of the top of my dress and my boobs were super cleavage-y.

But that's my only regret.

CMGragain

You might consider having a traditional wedding.

Your guests come to your house in the mid-afternoon.  The officiant arrives.  He marries you.  Everyone congratulates you both, and you serve cake (homemade) coffee, and punch.  No dancing.
This is how most people were married before the wedding industry convinced us that we needed to spend more money.
You could also use your back yard for the ceremony.  You would need to rent enough chairs so that everyone could have a seat.
I would suggest a very simple wedding dress, like the ones for a destination wedding.  A big, pouffy ballgown would be out of place.  Your FI would wear a suit and tie.  A wedding party isn't necessary, but you can have a small one if you wish.

LabLove86

@CMGragain - We have briefly talked about something at a Park or pavilion - we will for sure talk about all of the options once we are closer. Thanks for mentioning it though!! I want to make sure we think of and consider every option out there

short+sassy

I think there is a "budget" board on this site.  There are some great ideas there.

Like another PP mentioned, wedding favors are totally unnecessary. The general consensus I've seen is most people don't even want or keep them very long, unless they are food.

Another easy way to save $100s is to have a small "pretty" wedding cake for pics, but sheet cakes for the actual servings.  It's criminal, but a lot of bakers hear the word "wedding" and what would be a $100 cake for another event suddenly turns into a $400 cake!

wandajune6

I inherited a bit of money back in 2006. I was single, out of college, and had a great job. My parents sat me down and told me that they had put money aside for my eventual wedding but that I had an option: they could hold on to it until I get married or I could use it towards the downpayment on a house.

I bought a house and it was the right decision.

We're spending $17K for ~210 people (we haven't sent invitations out yet). My parents worry that we're being too cheap on too many things but we decided that our guest list was more important than a limo, a high-end venue, or a dream dress. We'll still have great food, an open bar, and a great party but it will definitely be more modest than my sister's wedding. That said, I've still made a few stupid mistakes:

- I bought Groupons for Vistaprint that expired because I didn't pay close enough attention to dates. An expired Vistaprint Groupon is good for what you paid but can't be used with any discounts. They are pointless.

- We've agreed to upgrades that were important to my parents at the expense of our own priorities. My mom wants impressive passed apps while we would have preferred tables of less expensive options. We're only having a 45 minute happy hour and I'd rather spend the money upgrading something else.

- I should have involved my mom in more decisions. We got my parents' hesitant approval on our venue (they thought it wasn't fancy/formal enough and would have preferred another caterer) but haven't done much beyond that. She went dress shopping with me but wants to spend a lot of time looking at flowers. I will include her in my search for bouquets and bouts but ordered our centerpiece flowers on my own. I know that we can't afford her taste so I went to Costco to avoid any issues but hurt her feelings in the process.

- I should have chosen a few dresses for my BMs. I told them I wanted them in black dresses, that they should decide as a group on long or short, and that, beyond that, wear whatever. With varying budgets, pregnancy status' (1 is trying to get pregnant, 1 will have 2 month old twins), and body types, I wanted to be as sensitive as possible. However, I think I just stressed everyone out. I've since sent out links to dresses that I love but I could have made things easier.

SBmini

The day after our wedding one of our groomsmen texted my husband with a late model BMW and the text "Dude- you could have had this instead."

I wish I cut back on more. When the moms got a whole of things they made it into this huge extravagant to do that I didn't really want. No one knows what your plans were, what was cut or compromised. After the wedding- I was just wondering where the hell the money went, not wishing that I spent more money on anything!

ShellD13

QueerFemme said:

We spent about $12k total for 130 guests in the bay area. We had a somewhat casual wedding but still served a full meal a d plenty of alcohol and the venue was beautiful. We could have easily spent $25 or 30k. We had the money to spend but we just didn't want to spend that much. In the end I don't regret not spending that much. We had a gorgeous wedding and it was really fun! I wish I wouldn't have been so strict on my dress budget though. I still had a really decent budget, but there were some dresses that were only a couple hundred dollars more that I wouldn't even look at on principal because it didn't fit in the budget I had in my head. I still may have ended up with the same dress, but I do regret not allowing myself to look a little higher.

Our wedding was just a few days ago but we too tried to hold to a very strict budget.  It was a small wedding, our pastor at a local park with lunch at a nearby restaurant for our guests afterwards.  I'm still tallying receipts but I think (including wedding bands we came in just under $4k).  But I agree wholeheartedly with @QueerFemme, I wish I would have allowed myself to look at dresses that were slightly more expensive.  My dress was only $100 which was terrific and I liked it but shortly before the wedding I saw one that I LOVED that was only $300.  I had plenty of time to order the second dress but I wouldn't even allow myself to look at it again because I was so tied to my budget number.  :-/

LabLove86

Thanks for all of the feedback guys! I hope this thread is helping others too!!!