Snarky Brides

Am I being a bridezilla?

So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty :( God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

Answers

  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm a little confused about the details of the shoes, but, if you are going to force your bridesmaids to wear a certain shoe, if they don't have it, you need to buy it for them. The only obligations a bridesmaid has is to buy the dress and show up smiling on the day of your wedding in it. Anything else is extra.

    I know you're trying to have a certain look, but if A is a color of the shoe, I think you should allow your friend to wear any shoe in that particular color.

    Friend might not be comfortable with shoe details B and C, or she doesn't have it in her closet and cannot afford shoes that meet all of those qualifications.

    My initial thought is that you're being a little too strict over something as simple as shoes. Sorry.

    image   image   image

  • kaa32 said:

    So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

    They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty :( God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

    I had to read that three times before I realised that you meant A, B, C, D, and E were requirements (colour, heel height, whatever) and not specific shoe options.

    If you want shoes that are at all any kind of specific, you need to pay for them.

    Ex.: Black, closed-toe, heel, is OK. Black, closed-toe, sparkles, 2.5 to 3.5 inch heel, slingback is not OK.

    And why is she struggling with the cost? The ONLY cost associated with being a BM is buying the dress, which of course is in her budget because you asked each girl privately what her budget was before you went dress shopping and you picked a dress that was at or below the lowest price point, right?

    And you're not demanding that they have professional hair or makeup (and if you are, you're paying), and you're not demanding parties, and you're not demanding special costumes, right?

    To answer your original question, unless we know what the demands are, we can't tell if you're being a bridezilla or not.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    d2va
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your unnecessary vagueness in this post makes it really confusing.

    Why does it matter if your BM's shoes match? No one is going to notice their shoes. At the absolute most I would say you could ask them to wear a specific color (as long as it was a common one like black or nude). This just seems like a silly concern though.


    PolarBearFitz
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PP- If you are requiring a certain shoe, they must be purchased by you.

    Why is she struggling? Did you not discuss her budget with her before you decided on a dress?

    We don't have enough details to definitively say if you are being a bridezilla or not, but from the info included, I would say that you are right on the line/ yes. No one should be "annoyed" over shoes worn by a friend who is struggling financially.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kaa32 said:
    So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed. They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty :( God I can't wait till this wedding is over.
    I agree with PPs. No one is going to notice shoes unless they shoots flames or something. As long as the shoes are the same color, no one's going to notice if they're different styles, heel heights or sparkly.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kaa32 said:
    Fellow Knotties, Thank you for taking time out of your day to reply, consider my situation, and not jump down my throat. 'A' is the color. Sorry for being vague, I didn't want my friend to see my shameful reaction. I thought bridesmaids were responsible for shoes and the dress. I'm getting bogged down in the details of planning and losing sight of what's important. Thanks for the reality check!
    I think it's awesome you were able to take this advice. Good for you! 

    kaa32PolarBearFitzVivandiere8
  • I'm sad that you are already ready for your wedding to be over. Enjoy the planning hun. Its only a short time in the grand scheme of things. Try not to get bogged down in the details and enjoy the bigger picture. You are marrying the love of your life. 
    flyingfoxeskaa32ShallowSeasRebeccaB88
  • kaa32 said:

    So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

    They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty :( God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

    I had to read that three times before I realised that you meant A, B, C, D, and E were requirements (colour, heel height, whatever) and not specific shoe options.

    If you want shoes that are at all any kind of specific, you need to pay for them.

    Ex.: Black, closed-toe, heel, is OK. Black, closed-toe, sparkles, 2.5 to 3.5 inch heel, slingback is not OK.

    And why is she struggling with the cost? The ONLY cost associated with being a BM is buying the dress, which of course is in her budget because you asked each girl privately what her budget was before you went dress shopping and you picked a dress that was at or below the lowest price point, right?

    And you're not demanding that they have professional hair or makeup (and if you are, you're paying), and you're not demanding parties, and you're not demanding special costumes, right?

    To answer your original question, unless we know what the demands are, we can't tell if you're being a bridezilla or not.


    Glad you figured it out cause I couldn't.
    agree with pp's, chill out on the shoes. If you were lax on the dress where's the stress on the shoes Coming from?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


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  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, I couldn't figure out the post either but it looks like the conundrum was solved.
    image
  • When I asked my bridesmaid to be in wedding I said that I will be able to provide the accessories, hairstyling, and makeup. But they will be responsible for the dresses and shoes. In regards to people being rude to you. Just ignore them. They themselves are being bridezillas ;)

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I feel like if "A" is the color of the shoes and that's what she can do then you should just let her have the same color shoes. Shoes are a really personal choice and not everyone can wear the same type of shoes. If all the girls have, for example black shoes, nobody will notice that hers are kitten heels and everyone has stilettos. To me, the most noticeable thing about shoes is the color.
    image
  • When I asked my bridesmaid to be in wedding I said that I will be able to provide the accessories, hairstyling, and makeup. But they will be responsible for the dresses and shoes. In regards to people being rude to you. Just ignore them. They themselves are being bridezillas ;)

    1.  Who was rude?

    2.  How does saying, "you shouldn't ask your bridesmaids to buy specific shoes" make one a bridezilla?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    jenniferurs
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm glad you took everyone's advice. I have a pair of black peep toe heels I can't stand that cost me $80 for a friends wedding I was in. Ugh. And how many pictures were taken of me by the photog where you can see our shoes? TWO. Have some wine :)


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  • I told my bridesmaids any shoes heel or flats in silver or pewter.  Was that okay?  Or was that inappropriate?
  • I told my bridesmaids any shoes heel or flats in silver or pewter.  Was that okay?  Or was that inappropriate?

    Since it's fairly broad, it's OK.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I'm glad you took everyone's advice. I have a pair of black peep toe heels I can't stand that cost me $80 for a friends wedding I was in. Ugh. And how many pictures were taken of me by the photog where you can see our shoes? TWO. Have some wine :)
    I had to pay $50 for satin flats in a VERY bright colour that look like my grandmother's slippers. Also, the elastic at the back cut all of our heels by the end of the ceremony, and we took them off inbetween every set of photos and for the entire reception.


    image
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