Friend is putting me in a weird situation.

climbingsingle

I have a friend - Matt. We've been friends for a very long time. About 3 years ago, he hooked up with a girl, Kate. I personally don't like Kate for many reasons. But I decided to keep my feelings to myself. Matt seemed really happy. She got pregnant pretty quickly into their relationship. Since then, their relationship has been very rocky. They're now broken up. 

Matt started hearing rumors about Kate. Bad rumors. She's using drugs and in turn, sleeping with men to get drugs. He said to me that there are other things happening that made his suspect this was true. He's very concerned about his daughter. 

This is where it gets tricky. Random girl Lisa contacts Matt out of the blue asking about the breakup. Matt said that a lot of what she had to say sounded like it came from Kate. Matt went back to Kate and was very angry, basically telling her not to share intimate details of their relationship with random people. Naturally, Lisa then got pissed at everyone. Lisa told Matt that she could easily call CPS on Kate with all the info she had on her. She too mentions lots of drug use and neglect to Matt's kid. 

Now, Lisa refuses to answer any of Matt's calls. Matt is dying to know what else Lisa knows. He's going to go after full custody of his kid and feels he needs this info from Lisa to build his case. He's now asking me to contact Lisa to see what I can find out. 

I feel some guilt for never telling Matt my true feelings about Kate. I doubt it would have changed anything. He wouldn't have stopped dating her. But I probably should have expressed my feelings and maybe told him a little about her past that she purposely kept hidden from him. 

I really don't want to get involved in this type of drama. I'm not that good of friends with Lisa. I purposely avoid any kind of drama like this at all. Is Kate going to find out that I tried to get info on her? What then is she going to do to me? She's a vindictive person. I've seen her do some terrible shit. 

But, if Matt's daughter is really in danger, I should try to do what I can to help, right? 

Gah! I don't know what to do and I hate being in this position. Advice?

 

Fran1985

Stay out of it. It really doesn't matter at all for Matt's case what Lisa tells you. Lisa can tell you Katie is a saint or a monster, she would still have to repeat that for the actual case. He should get an attorney and the attorney can subpoena or question Lisa.

blabla89

I'm so sorry you, Matt, and his child are going through all this. I think Matt should consult an attorney to determine the best way to proceed. Anything you hear secondhand from Lisa is likely not admissible in court. I totally understand your desire to help your friend, and also to stay out of it, but I think it's best to let a professional determine what should be done.

lc07

I am in no way an expert on this topic and I'm sure those who are will chime in. But my question is why is calling CPS a bad thing? Won't they do the investigation?

doeydo

Tell him to go talk to his lawyer and tell him or her everything and then go from there.  You need not be involved.  

PolarBearFitz

He needs to get a lawyer and keep you out of it. Legal counsel is the only thing that would help him at this point.

climbingsingle

lc07 said:

I am in no way an expert on this topic and I'm sure those who are will chime in. But my question is why is calling CPS a bad thing? Won't they do the investigation?

Calling CPS is a good thing, IMO. If I had first hand knowledge, I would call myself. But the only person that seems to have first hand knowledge is Lisa. And she's now not talking to anyone. 

emmyg65

There's no place for you in this. Matt should contact a lawyer and go through established legal channels (lawyer, CPS, police, etc.) to get what he needs and to protect his daughter.

jdluvr06

He needs to contact a lawyer. The woman who lives across the street from me has a son who is going through the same thing. His soon-to-be ex wife is bad into drugs and he is in the process of getting the kids from her. It varies state by state but there are numerous legal paths he can take to get his daughter.

climbingsingle

Thanks everyone. I will stay out of it. 

mysticl

Does Matt have a lawyer?  If not he needs one today.  If the child is in jeopardy he needs to discuss filing for emergency custody ASAP with a lawyer, now.  If CPS becomes involved they may not automatically have to turn the child over to him.  In fact in my experience (Social Worker/worked in foster care for 7 years) the child would go to foster care while they determined if the non-custodial parent was an appropriate care giver.  That can take weeks or even months.  I saw it take a year once but that was because dad was in another state.  A lawyer will be able to advise him on the laws and procedures in his state. 

Honestly, I doubt any information you would get from Lisa would help.  In my experience with custody cases they want people who actually witnessed the abuse, not someone who talked to someone who maybe witnessed abuse.  It is amazing the difference hearing the story just one person removed from the situation can make.  You would be useless as a witness in court.  

mysticl

lc07 said:

I am in no way an expert on this topic and I'm sure those who are will chime in. But my question is why is calling CPS a bad thing? Won't they do the investigation?

Yes, and during the course of the investigation the child could be placed in foster care.  

Chipmunk415

Matt needs to get a lawyer who can subpoena Lisa, resulting in a court order for her testimony. If she tries to fight it, Matt can attest to the fact that Lisa knows some details, shared them already, etc., so she should share more with the court. Refusal on Lisa's part can result in her being held in contempt.

Matt should also consider going to the court for an emergency custody request, and ask CPS to come with. That way, he's on the record as the father trying to protect his child, CPS can investigate, and he can request the child be placed with him during the investigation.

 

Just my two cents.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto the lawyer.  I would also potentially advise him to get a private investigator to follow Kate and hopefully catch her purchasing drugs or neglecting the child (while potentially overboard, it is an option).  An emergency petition should be filed with the court immediately.  A good lawyer will even ask to have Kate submit to drug testing.

climbingsingle

I actually mentioned to him last week about hiring a private investigator. He seemed to like the idea. 

firebabe6519

I agree with PPs. Just stay out of it. If he is worried about his daughter's well being, he can call CPS himself. Depending on where you are, you can lodge an anonymous complaint with them. Although he does then run the risk of his kid going to a foster home u til he can get custody approved.

FiancB

You should absolutely help your friend, but the best way to help him is to help him find a lawyer. Having you talk to Lisa would be a waste of effort and possibly detrimental. I hope everything goes well!