Oh Gawd The Bachelorette Party

specificnorthwest

So I'm not a strip club kind of person, I'm not interesting in getting trashed or going to a club. But I kind of don't know what to do. I need something super distracting, basically the only reason I'm even considering doing anything is because my fiance is having a bachelor party and I don't want to sit and obsess over what I think he's doing. I'm one of those girls, sorry self esteem but that day will not be your day. SO!

Brilliant FUN ideas for a bachelorette party that wont include a strange mans junk in my face or grinding on my lady bits? You ladies are brilliant idea-ists, I feel like i'm submitting a theory to a scientific community that simply revolves around weddings

dolewhipper

specificnorthwest said:

So I'm not a strip club kind of person, I'm not interesting in getting trashed or going to a club. But I kind of don't know what to do. I need something super distracting, basically the only reason I'm even considering doing anything is because my fiance is having a bachelor party and I don't want to sit and obsess over what I think he's doing. I'm one of those girls, sorry self esteem but that day will not be your day. SO!

Brilliant FUN ideas for a bachelorette party that wont include a strange mans junk in my face or grinding on my lady bits? You ladies are brilliant idea-ists, I feel like i'm submitting a theory to a scientific community that simply revolves around weddings

Did your girls tell you they want to do this? Turn it down, and let them know. The bolded made me think you're wanting to plan this, which you shouldn't. What you can do, however, is have a girls night and not call it a b-party. Just go out and have fun with your friends I don't want a b-party that includes strippers either, and my MoH knows that.

HisGirlFriday13

specificnorthwest said:

So I'm not a strip club kind of person, I'm not interesting in getting trashed or going to a club. But I kind of don't know what to do. I need something super distracting, basically the only reason I'm even considering doing anything is because my fiance is having a bachelor party and I don't want to sit and obsess over what I think he's doing. I'm one of those girls, sorry self esteem but that day will not be your day. SO!

Brilliant FUN ideas for a bachelorette party that wont include a strange mans junk in my face or grinding on my lady bits? You ladies are brilliant idea-ists, I feel like i'm submitting a theory to a scientific community that simply revolves around weddings

Why will you be obsessing over what your FI is doing? If you're so worried about his behaviour that you're going to obsess while he's at a bachelor party, you have bigger issues.

My MOH arranged a tour of local vineyards for my bachelorette party.

specificnorthwest

Why will you be obsessing over what your FI is doing? If you're so worried about his behaviour that you're going to obsess while he's at a bachelor party, you have bigger issues. My MOH arranged a tour of local vineyards for my bachelorette party.

I struggle with self esteem issues, like a lot of people. It's not that I'm worried he'll cheat or do something wrong, I'm just insecure in my personal self. Our relationship is strong and great. I just don't want to worry about my fiance, which I've heard is pretty normal for women to feel.

6fsn

What do you like to do for fun?  Read, yoga, eat, watch trashy movies?  Do those. 

themuffinman16

I think my girls and I are going wine tasting.  We will be having a non-bachelorette bachelorette party.  I am waiting until after I am married to have my bachelorette party, because two awesome people are pregnant, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable and not go.  But you could have a spa day with your girls followed by lunch, afternoon tea, bikram yoga, or a day at an amusement park.  You are not tied into sausage in the face.  When your girls tell you they are throwing you a party, just say you are not into pork swords, and kind of tell them a couple ideas. They will not pick anything uncomfortable, but also let them have the freedom of choosing some ideas themselves.  They might know you better than you know yourself, and if they are your girlies, I bet they come up with some awesome and really fun ideas.

thejucheidea

specificnorthwest said:

Why will you be obsessing over what your FI is doing? If you're so worried about his behaviour that you're going to obsess while he's at a bachelor party, you have bigger issues. My MOH arranged a tour of local vineyards for my bachelorette party.

I struggle with self esteem issues, like a lot of people. It's not that I'm worried he'll cheat or do something wrong, I'm just insecure in my personal self. Our relationship is strong and great. I just don't want to worry about my fiance, which I've heard is pretty normal for women to feel.

Your OP doesn't read that you're concerned for his safety -- it reads like you're worried that he's going to get into cheaty shenanigans.

I didn't really have a bachelorette party. My friends and I went out for Persian food and hookah smoking. Husband did not have a bachelor party because he didn't want one.

tawillers

What about a Vino Van Gogh night?  Go to a nice dinner first.

mrsconn23

Bachelorette Party ideas:  Wine and canvas, dinner and dancing/clubbing, bowling (yes, I've been bowling for a bachelorette party), a pure romance party, comedy club, improv show, burlesque show, drag show...

Also, have you discussed with your FI that you have concerns/reservations about his bach party?  Have you gotten any details about what the plan could be?  I mean they don't have to tell you everything, but if you'd prefer he not go to strip clubs, you can tell him that and have a discussion about it.  

What are you doing about your insecurities?  WHY do you think he may cheat beyond "I'm insecure"? 

emmyg65

It's not normal to worry about what your fiancé is doing when he's out with his friends. If you have insecurities like this, you might want to work with a therapist to build your confidence.

My best friend rented a local tea room and we had a tea party and did crafts for my bachelorette. It was low-key and awesome. Other ideas: group yoga class, spa day, cooking class, laser tag, go kart racing, bowling, nice dinner, day trip to your local city. There's lots of ideas. What do you normally like to do for fun?

sarahufl

My friends are getting to my wedding a day early. My sister/MOH is planning something, so I don't know what it is. Pretty sure the agenda involves sitting by the pool, manicures, and dinner somewhere. No penises anywhere nearby.

Ven&Radio

For my bachelorette party, we met at a bar for drinks, had dinner at a nice restaraunt, and went to an improv comedy show.  It was a very fun but low key evening.  Some other ideas my MOH had were to go to a duelling piano bar, a dinner cruise, or... crap, I forget what the last one was.  There have been a lot of great ideas in this thread though.  Bachelor/ette parties need not involved strippers or getting wasted to be a good time!

AuntFlo

Paging Dr. Kuus.  Dr. Kuus to this post please.

@ReturnofKuus

ReturnOfKuus

If you're marrying a guy who is going to be doing something at his bachelor party that makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable, well, then you need to rethink the guy.  Appropriate behavior, respect for women, and boundaries don't go right the hell out the window just because there's a party going on.

specificnorthwest

It's not that he doesn't respect me, but I don't feel it would be right to deny him ever entering a strip club ever again or deny him porn ever again because I personally don't like it. I mean, what monogamous woman wants her man looking at other women, even virtually? It's gross and weird and I find it repulsive. My feelings on the matter shouldn't prevent him from having a good time, just because I'm uncomfortable with it doesn't mean it's cheating or bad.

I simply want a good time. Thanks for all the awesome ideas ladies!

2Have&2Hold2015

This is my first day participating in message boards on the knot, and I must say.. these girls are extremely HARSH. There is nothing wrong with you, and you do not need therapy, nor do you need to ditch your fiance! You are perfectly normal :-)

Now for the ideas... I'm considering having a spa themed bachelorette. Have your girls meet up for mimosas, sauna, facials, mani/pedi's, and massages! Then afterwards, go to a nice dinner (maybe try some new cuisine), happy hour, and end the night with a slumber party at a fancy hotel with champagne, movies, and girl talk. It will make for a totally relaxing break that everyone will enjoy! You deserve it. Have fun and good luck!

specificnorthwest

BCH325 said:

This is my first day participating in message boards on the knot, and I must say.. these girls are extremely HARSH. There is nothing wrong with you, and you do not need therapy, nor do you need to ditch your fiance! You are perfectly normal :-)

Now for the ideas... I'm considering having a spa themed bachelorette. Have your girls meet up for mimosas, sauna, facials, mani/pedi's, and massages! Then afterwards, go to a nice dinner (maybe try some new cuisine), happy hour, and end the night with a slumber party at a fancy hotel with champagne, movies, and girl talk. It will make for a totally relaxing break that everyone will enjoy! You deserve it. Have fun and good luck!

Omg, THANK YOU!

thejucheidea

This is my first day participating in message boards on the knot, and I must say.. these girls are extremely HARSH. There is nothing wrong with you, and you do not need therapy, nor do you need to ditch your fiance! You are perfectly normal :-)

Did you miss the point where she basically said she hates herself because of low self-confidence? Because self-hatred is usually a good indicator that someone needs to participate in therapy in order to build stronger self-worth.

mrsconn23

thejucheidea said:

This is my first day participating in message boards on the knot, and I must say.. these girls are extremely HARSH. There is nothing wrong with you, and you do not need therapy, nor do you need to ditch your fiance! You are perfectly normal :-)

Did you miss the point where she basically said she hates herself because of low self-confidence? Because self-hatred is usually a good indicator that someone needs to participate in therapy in order to build stronger self-worth.

First of all, no one was that harsh.  Secondly, if someone has the insecurities that OP is describing, something is wrong.  It's either with her or her relationship.  So, she does need to explore these issues prior to getting married.  This is not 'perfectly normal' at all. 

artbyallie

specificnorthwest said:

It's not that he doesn't respect me, but I don't feel it would be right to deny him ever entering a strip club ever again or deny him porn ever again because I personally don't like it. I mean, what monogamous woman wants her man looking at other women, even virtually? It's gross and weird and I find it repulsive. My feelings on the matter shouldn't prevent him from having a good time, just because I'm uncomfortable with it doesn't mean it's cheating or bad.

I simply want a good time. Thanks for all the awesome ideas ladies!

Oops, I look at women online. Guess I'm gross and weird and repulsive. Look, without making judgments of other people, it's okay if you personally do not care for porn or strippers. It's okay for you to express that to your partner and it's okay to seek out a partner who is also not interested in those things. It's not okay to force him/her never to do them, but you can certainly ask nicely and he/she may certainly choose to respect your wishes. Why would you be with someone whose moral views are not compatible with yours, though?

ReturnOfKuus

specificnorthwest said:

It's not that he doesn't respect me, but I don't feel it would be right to deny him ever entering a strip club ever again or deny him porn ever again because I personally don't like it. I mean, what monogamous woman wants her man looking at other women, even virtually? It's gross and weird and I find it repulsive. My feelings on the matter shouldn't prevent him from having a good time, just because I'm uncomfortable with it doesn't mean it's cheating or bad.

I simply want a good time. Thanks for all the awesome ideas ladies!

Don't marry a guy who does things that you think are gross, weird, and repulsive, and that make you feel insecure.  In fact, don't even bother DATING that guy.  It's not about controlling the guy - it's about respecting yourself enough not to put up with misogynistic shenanigans that make you feel like crap.

Have you ever read The Beauty Myth?

ReturnOfKuus

BCH325 said:

This is my first day participating in message boards on the knot, and I must say.. these girls are extremely HARSH. There is nothing wrong with you, and you do not need therapy, nor do you need to ditch your fiance! You are perfectly normal :-)

It is certainly normal as in COMMON, but it is not normal as in HEALTHY.  Think about it.  Don't you think it's kind of fucked up that lots of women are feeling insecure and crappy, and that the men who supposedly love them are doing things not just in general, but in the process of celebrating their upcoming marriage, that make them feel that way?  How in the hell did this get accepted as the base-level normal state for female life?!

specificnorthwest

I appreciate the thoughts ladies, but honestly, I'm not going to open up and share where my insecurities are coming from and if I have or have not gone to therapy to deal with it. I've got your opinion, that's nice, but I truly already know it's unhealthy but this is the healthiest I've been in regards to a relationship in a long time. So now it's time to leave me alone about it.

I also do not have to justify why I am ok with my fiance having his bachelor party but fuckit I'm doing it anyway. Maybe it's because despite previous trauma, I know he's a good man and is not like other men I've been with. Knowing is not always the same thing as feeling. And this party is important to him, it's male bonding time and something he is looking forward to. I want to give him this freedom and put some faith in our relationship despite the fact it makes me a smidge uncomfortable. Which I think is a good thing. We should work to trust each other, without trust what is the point of getting married?

Life is uncomfortable, god, just because I don't like war movies doesn't mean I go out of my way to make sure my fiance never watches war movies. I hate violence, but my fiance is in the Navy. I think the same applies to "our morals" and our compatibility. I prefer him to challenge me to open my mind as well as that challenge to trust. It's harder for me than normal women due to previous life experiences.

I appreciate your concern ladies, and this might come off as a little rude, but I'm really not going to talk about my very personal mental health past this point. Thanks.

ReturnOfKuus

Oh, we know EXACTLY why you feel insecure, and the therapy suggestion (probably) isn't because you're faulty and broken, but to help you recognize that you are fine but surrounded by a world gone mad.

PMeg819

Ou mentioned you are 21 in another post. Enough said. I'm sure you'll crow about having so much life experience, so going on any further is pointless. Sorry you didn't get the advice you wanted to hear.