Pre-wedding Parties

Just venting...

So we are being slightly unconventional. A lot of the wedding party is made up of our mutual friends. We both have guys and girls on our sides. Planning the bachelor/ette party has been tricky. What we have decided to do is head down to a casino as a group. We will spend some time together but then my fiance and two of his nerdy gamer friends can go hang out together in the hotel rooms while the ladies on both sides and I go dance in the club. Lots of outsiders have said that its an awful idea, but it works for us. The problem is, and I don't see any way to fix it, so I am just venting at this point, one of my ladies is 20 and so she can't go to the casino. It sucks and I feel bad, but we haven't come up with any other alternative that allows her to participate.
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Re: Just venting...

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So we are being slightly unconventional. A lot of the wedding party is made up of our mutual friends. We both have guys and girls on our sides. Planning the bachelor/ette party has been tricky. What we have decided to do is head down to a casino as a group. We will spend some time together but then my fiance and two of his nerdy gamer friends can go hang out together in the hotel rooms while the ladies on both sides and I go dance in the club. Lots of outsiders have said that its an awful idea, but it works for us. The problem is, and I don't see any way to fix it, so I am just venting at this point, one of my ladies is 20 and so she can't go to the casino. It sucks and I feel bad, but we haven't come up with any other alternative that allows her to participate.
    Well the bride and groom shouldn't be planning their bach/bachelorette parties.  So there is that.

    As for your 20 year old friend, your other BMs should really plan something that she can be involved in, like going out to a nice dinner before you hit up the bars/clubs.

    You can still have a joint party if your wedding party members want to plan it that way and it is perfectly fine after spending time together as a group to split up and do your own thing.  But I do think it would be incredibly rude to not have something planned that can include your 20 year old friend.

    doeydogrumbledore
  • I agree with you, but I am not sure what to do. The casinos that the Maid of Honor is planning for us to go to are abut 2 hours from where we live.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with you, but I am not sure what to do. The casinos that the Maid of Honor is planning for us to go to are abut 2 hours from where we live.
    Then I would talk to your MOH and tell her that you don't want to go to the casinos because that means that "Sue" would be left out of the celebration.

    Isn't there something closer to you all that you can do just for the night rather then travelling?

    doeydo
  • Does the MOH know that one of the bridesmaids is under age?
  • MOH is aware she's under age. A lot of the WP will be traveling to get to the bachelorette party so they want to go big (casino& hotel). So they don't have issues leaving 1 out I guess. I haven't been able to come up with a fun alternative that someone under 21 could do, that's I could suggest.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MOH is aware she's under age. A lot of the WP will be traveling to get to the bachelorette party so they want to go big (casino& hotel). So they don't have issues leaving 1 out I guess. I haven't been able to come up with a fun alternative that someone under 21 could do, that's I could suggest.
    Well that is kind of shitty on their part.  This party is not about them, it is about you and your FI. And you already feel bad about leaving this one person out so I would let your MOH know that and that the plans need to change.

    You can still do the casino, I guess, but you also need to do things during the day (like a spa or something) and then a really nice dinner that your 20 year old friend can partake in as well (if she chooses to attend).  But to leave her out because the rests of your wedding party wants to go drink and gamble is a bit harsh.

    mysticl
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    MOH is aware she's under age. A lot of the WP will be traveling to get to the bachelorette party so they want to go big (casino& hotel). So they don't have issues leaving 1 out I guess. I haven't been able to come up with a fun alternative that someone under 21 could do, that's I could suggest.
    That's rude. You could turn down her offer of organizing your party, if she's going against your wishes. 

    Could you check to see what other activities are available at the casino? Our nearest casino is huge and has concerts, spa services, bowling alley and restaurants that have no age restrictions. After that, she could go back to your fi's hotel room with the video game geeks. 
                       
    doeydo
  • In what state is this casino located? In California/Nevada, you only have to be 18 to be on the casino floor.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You really need to stand up for your underage bridesmaid. This kind of thing really pisses me off. Surely you do not intend to go to the casino with the others and leave your bridesmaid out?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    pinkshorts27doeydo
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    In what state is this casino located? In California/Nevada, you only have to be 18 to be on the casino floor.

    But they want to go to clubs to dance and you have to be 21 to get into clubs.

    MairePoppyKittyKaty20
  • You really need to stand up for your underage bridesmaid. This kind of thing really pisses me off. Surely you do not intend to go to the casino with the others and leave your bridesmaid out?
    I'm not entirely sure what to do which is why I posted. I want to have fun and I want everyone include AND I want everyone to be happy.
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    MairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Make clear to your MOH that bars, clubbing, and gambling are not appropriate as a "pre-wedding" party for you because one person is underage.  Don't leave that one person waiting outside for the rest of you.  It's so rude.
    AddieCakedoeydo
  • OP-you'll just need to say "Thanks, but no thanks. I want my entire WP able to participate in the entirety of this pre-wedding party. I appreciate your hosting, but I have to decline THIS offer."

    You are getting married ONCE. You get this ONE TIME to celebrate your upcoming nuptials with your nearest and dearest. The party is about having fun with your friends-ALL of them.

    Your "of age" friends are certainly welcome to go to any casino/club they want, when they want...just NOT for your pre-wedding party. 

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    AddieCake
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If I were a bridesmaid and the bride ditched me during her bachelorette party to go out with others and leave me behind, she would have one less bridesmaid. Maybe I am misunderstanding something here, but I seriously cannot believe this is even a question.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    banana468KittyKaty20freehugs015
  • Ditto Addie.   If your friends are planning to head to the CT casinos I think they need to reconsider.   Make the plans for that event that has nothing to do with your wedding.   It's just not cool to make plans that exclude one BM who can't attend because she's too young by one year.    

    There are plenty of things to do in the area that are friendly for those under 21 but you can't go on the gaming floor in Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun under age.   You can eat in many of the restaurants there but if you will be carded and escorted out if you even seem to be too young.   FWIW, I didn't stop getting carded until I was well over 25 and for many years, DH and I went to a bar in Mohegan every Thursday night.   


  • MOH is aware she's under age. A lot of the WP will be traveling to get to the bachelorette party so they want to go big (casino& hotel). So they don't have issues leaving 1 out I guess. I haven't been able to come up with a fun alternative that someone under 21 could do, that's I could suggest.
    LOL what kind of asshole plans a party that not everyone can even legally attend?  What a douche.
  • I don't think it was on her radar at all. The other bridesmaids have been getting together and talking about wedding things and this bridesmaid hasn't really been participating. I don't think it was meant to be malicious.
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  • I'm not sure where you are located but, in Michigan it is kinda cool to head over to Canada, you have to be 18+ to get into the casino and clubs. Maybe that is an alternative? I was actually in a wedding party last year and she had an 18 year old, and she was made to be the designated driver...I thought it was wrong and she really hated it and was bitchy all night. I just think you thought she was important enough to you to include her in your WP....she should be involved in all of the parties as well...
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm not sure where you are located but, in Michigan it is kinda cool to head over to Canada, you have to be 18+ to get into the casino and clubs. Maybe that is an alternative? I was actually in a wedding party last year and she had an 18 year old, and she was made to be the designated driver...I thought it was wrong and she really hated it and was bitchy all night. I just think you thought she was important enough to you to include her in your WP....she should be involved in all of the parties as well...
    I believe you have to be 19 to drink here in Canada.  Plus our alcohol is higher percentage than the kinds in the USA.   :)
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Definitely see if you can find an 18+ club!
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