My fiance and I have been engaged since December of 2013, but have been
together for 6 years and 11 months. He comes from a very damaged family.
To summarize, 10 years ago, his father suffered a traumatic brain
injury (which later led to seizures) but he has since recovered and
lives a normal lifestyle. As a result of the injury, his father and
mother had grown apart and endured a marriage filled with cheating,
verbal altercations, and long term absence from the children. His
younger sister was sexually abused by a female neighbor around the age
of 9, and later suffered an eating disorder in the forms of anorexia and
bulimia. His mother suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality
disorder, alcohol addiction, and depression. Somehow, my fiance has
managed to rise from all of this as an incredibly intelligent and loving
man, who cares for me a great deal.
That being said, he falls
short in loving me in a lot of ways. He fails to communicate effectively
(discussions are often one sided and marked by his silence). He falls
short in trying to make me feel special (holidays are commemmorated with
measly, late gifts... or forgotten altogether). He has become
antisocial (refusing to meet up with friends), and more. Whenever we
discuss these issues, he promises that he loves me dearly (which I
believe), but simply does not know how to express it due to his
traumatic upbringing. Please understand that I sympathize with this, and
have spent the last 7 years of our relationship working tirelessly to
meet his needs, encourage him, make him feel wanted, needed, and loved.
As far as he says, I have succeeded. However, in the end, I find that I
The most recent issue is our engagement party. My
parents have shelled out $5,500 to host a beautiful party at a nearby
hotel, and have invited all of our close family members and friends.
Please note that I asked my fiance on MULTIPLE occasions about the party
(where would he like it? who did he want to invite? what did he want to
eat/drink? did he want to purchase gifts for his groomsmen?
Everything!). Now that the party has been booked, invitations have been
ordered, gifts have been coordinated, family members and friends have
been put on alert... he tells me that he wants to CANCEL because he
HATES his family! My heart is broken, and I can't help but feel sad and
discouraged. Why couldn't he tell me sooner? I value his opinion and
worked tirelessly to ensure that every detail of the party met his
wishes. I am heartbroken.
So my question is... are my feelings
of sadness selfish? Should I cancel and save my parent's money? Do I
proceed with the party because people are expecting it? and most
importantly... Should I feel comfortable marrying someone that has the
potential to ruin such a happy occasion? PLEASE HELP!