Oh hellfire. Venue change = dinner change. Am I violating etiquette?

KittyKaty20

I have never been to a wedding with a duo...and I probably would only eat one half of it, anyway.

Guests with food allergies/sensitivities should be responsible enough to inform the hosts ahead of time-or they'll wait and tell the servers at the venue. 

As long as your guests have a way to get ahold of you before the event (email, phone, website, mail, smoke signal), you will have done your duty, IMO.

SP29

I think the menu sounds delish! I would have a bit of everything .

One way would be to add an insert asking for dietary restrictions. Or have the waiters ask before bringing meals out.

Could the meals be provided a single entrees with table side ordering? 

BMoreBride6

Maggie0829 said:

Every time I have been to a wedding with a plated meal I was never given an option but rather just served a duet of steak and crabcake (or something of that nature).  It is not rude nor against etiquette to serve a dual entree and not ask your guests to choose a meal.

hahaha @Maggie0829 I can tell you're a Maryland girl...that was pretty much our meal (but also offered filet and shrimp instead of crab for out of towners that just didn't understand the crab thing)

mysticl

BMoreBride6 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Every time I have been to a wedding with a plated meal I was never given an option but rather just served a duet of steak and crabcake (or something of that nature).  It is not rude nor against etiquette to serve a dual entree and not ask your guests to choose a meal.

hahaha @Maggie0829 I can tell you're a Maryland girl...that was pretty much our meal (but also offered filet and shrimp instead of crab for out of towners that just didn't understand the crab thing)

But it is wasteful if a lot of people are going to eat only one half of it.  Also, with a crab cake or shrimp if you have people with shellfish allergies they are going to have to sit and wait for a whole new plate to be prepared before they can eat.  I would never expect to see shellfish on a plate that I didn't specifically chose because of the level of allergies as well as people's dislike of seafood.  Honestly, if I'm not asked for my meal choice I'm expecting a buffet or a fairly generic plated meal (i.e. baked chicken) that has a relatively low chance of being an allergy risk or violating any type of religious guideline.  

CrazyCatLady3

STARMOON44 said:

I'm baffled by advice that you need to consider what your guests like to eat. You are a grown up. If you are served steak and salmon, and you do not like steak or salmon, you deal with it! If you are a vegetarian, you ask the waiter if there is a vegetarian option, and if you have special dietary requirements or allergies, you call ahead. But the risk that some portion of your guests will simply not like their typically consumed food options is not something etiquette requires you to consider.

Sorry, but this is an inconsiderate attitude.  So a guest with religious or ethical issues with eating a certain type of meat should just "deal with it" if it is placed in front of them?  They should know ahead of time what is being served so they can tell the server not to bring them something they don't eat.  And it also prevents waste.

MrsMack10612

CrazyCatLady3 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm baffled by advice that you need to consider what your guests like to eat. You are a grown up. If you are served steak and salmon, and you do not like steak or salmon, you deal with it! If you are a vegetarian, you ask the waiter if there is a vegetarian option, and if you have special dietary requirements or allergies, you call ahead. But the risk that some portion of your guests will simply not like their typically consumed food options is not something etiquette requires you to consider.

Sorry, but this is an inconsiderate attitude.  So a guest with religious or ethical issues with eating a certain type of meat should just "deal with it" if it is placed in front of them?  They should know ahead of time what is being served so they can tell the server not to bring them something they don't eat.  And it also prevents waste.

I agree with you and with @Starmoon44.  I think there should be a certain amount of consideration to your guests, but a guest with any dietary restrictions be it allergy, intolerance or religious, is equally obliged to tell the host of those issues.  It should not be strictly up to the host to make sure that every possible restriction is accounted for.

We had 4 entree options - chicken, fish, beef and veggie.  We included detailed descriptions of each on our website.  Luckily, we had no one come back and say - can't do it, need something special; but we chose foods we liked and we would want to eat.  It really is wholly on the guest to let the host know if there's a problem.

If no options are given, then those guests should be prepared to not eat, eat beforehand or bring their own food.  There are limits to how accommodating hosts should be.

ETA:  Or the guest should reach out to the host to find out.

phira

I do think that, as a good host, it's important to make what I'd call a good faith effort to make sure that everyone who attends your wedding is able to eat. However, that means that guests will have to be proactive about medical/diet issues (you won't just magically know that Suzie is allergic to pineapple, or that Danny is a vegan), and you shouldn't have to cater to super picky people (so if Stephanie doesn't like salad dressing on her salad, but is totally able to eat it, then she can either eat the salad or not, but that's entirely her own problem).

MrsMack10612

@phira - I think you summed up much better what I said in a very rambling way.

CrazyCatLady3

I sort of agree with you ladies, but for me as a guest, I'd rather just take my dietary issues up directly with the server than bother the B&G about it.  If the menu is there at the table, I can do that.  I presume the B&G will be getting many RSVPs and many people might have dietary issues, and I don't want to cause an administrative burden for them to keep track of it.  As long as food I can eat is *available* (which B&G can make happen by checking with the caterer ahead of time that modifications can be made and offering a variety of options) then I can tell the server to bring that to me.  Now, if the RSVP card specifically asked for dietary restrictions, I would write that in.

At my wedding we will have options to modify dishes to make them vegan/vegetarian/gluten free, and will have menus on the tables stating that.  The guests can then inform the servers of their needs.

huskypuppy14

CrazyCatLady3 said:

I sort of agree with you ladies, but for me as a guest, I'd rather just take my dietary issues up directly with the server than bother the B&G about it.  If the menu is there at the table, I can do that.  I presume the B&G will be getting many RSVPs and many people might have dietary issues, and I don't want to cause an administrative burden for them to keep track of it.  As long as food I can eat is *available* (which B&G can make happen by checking with the caterer ahead of time that modifications can be made and offering a variety of options) then I can tell the server to bring that to me.  Now, if the RSVP card specifically asked for dietary restrictions, I would write that in.

At my wedding we will have options to modify dishes to make them vegan/vegetarian/gluten free, and will have menus on the tables stating that.  The guests can then inform the servers of their needs.

I think not all venues work this way. Many need to know ahead of time. We are having stations at our wedding, so there is no meal choice to choose on the reply card. However, we did include a note to let us know if they have any dietary restrictions so we can know that and plan accordingly to the best of our ability.  I think as long as the bride and groom make a good faith effort, that is all they can do. 

@phira my mom is one of those people that doesn't eat salad dressing. If she can, she'll ask for it without, or she just won't eat it. But she doesn't expect people to cater to her pickyness. 

phira

@laurynm84 I used that example because one of my childhood friends is the same way. She probably won't eat our salad. Oh well.

AllOnOneDay

As one with food allergies - if there isn't a place to note that on the RSVP, I'm a big girl and simply contact someone with VIP status or the couple and mention it. Otherwise, I can deal with it. Ok, I don't like corn, but I can politely just not eat that. Mushrooms are a different matter, and no matter if it's poor etiquette to speak to bride and vendor directly to confirm mushroom status, I have to figure it's worse etiquette to not worry and need two rounds with a double dose epi pen and a 911 call.

KeptInStitches

I have a weird food allergy to a specific salad dressing that never shows up at weddings. In that case, I don't feel the need to inform the B&G - I'll take my chances on them being super-odd and having included it in the main course. That decision's on me, though.

jules3964

I'm vegetarian, and for past weddings I've gone to I've always just assumed I may not be able to eat, or only will be able to eat select sides/bread/etc. (I just politely don't eat the meat.) If someone goes out of their way to accommodate me, or offers the option, I'm *thrilled* and thank them profusely. But I never was one to contact the B&G myself and say, "hey, make sure there's something vegetarian for me." Maybe that's just me, but I just don't want to make a big deal out of it.

This thinking has changed a little bit now that I've lurked around TK and am going through the wedding planning process. Most people do have/plan vegetarian options, which is really awesome.

lc07

We had an area on our RSVP for guests to write in any dietary needs. I have a dietary need and I always feel bad bringing it up unprompted as I dislike being the "difficult" one. I think it's polite to ask your guests if your venue needs advanced notice. 

Tandksmommy

Do you have many who are vegans/veggies or have allergies? 

We are doing a buffet specifically because of the above. We have a bunch of people who are veggies and won't eat the sides if served on the same plate as a meat. My son has a shellfish allergy and could not eat if it were served on the same plate. I don't eat red meat (and prefer it not to be on my plate if it has juices that run) and eat white meat very sparingly so I'd likely waste 90% of a chicken breast. A buffet may not be as 'fancy' as a plated meal but I think as a guest, I'd rather be picking my food and having to walk back from a buffet versus possibly not being able to eat very much.