Bachelorette Drama!

delujm0

this is coming from a bride who had a destination bachelorette party, and who travels constantly:  I would NEVER in a million years drive 16 hours in one weekend for only one night out of town.  EVER.  Also, if i was going that far away for a weekend, i would definitely take at least one day off of work.  and i would absolutely fly.  that is WAY TOO MUCH weekend time to be spent sitting in a car.

 

We went to a wedding that was a 7 hour drive each way a few months ago (no airports were close enough to it for flying to make sense) - and we stayed two nights and took one day off of work to accomodate it.  And that is CLOSER than the drive your sisters would have for this.

 

Here's the thing.  it's a party.  they do not HAVE to go.  an invitation is not a subpoena.  when i had a destination bachelorette, i knew that the crowd would be small as a result.  i had 6 people there plus myself.  several of my friends, including two of my four bridemaids, couldn't make it, and that was completely fine.  a destination bachelorette is not for everyone.  and it's not for you to determine what is too much travel or too much money for someone else to spend.

 

if you want a destination bachelorette, you have to assume that due to cost and travel time, some people won't be able to go.  if you're going to be a whiny baby about that, then you shouldn't have a destination bachelorette.  you should just have an in-town party at a time when everyone is together anyway.  In my case, the two bridesmaids that couldn't go wouldn't have been able to go to an in-town event anyway (as one of them is overseas for work until 2 weeks before the wedding, and the other has a small baby and lives several states away from me), so i had no problem with the turnout.

RebeccaB88

OK, so I can't really comment on the driving part, as my mom and I are road warriors, and 16 hours round trip in one weekend is no big deal for us.  We once drove from Hilton Head SC to Little Rock AR in one day straight through, and the only reason we stopped is because I got food poisoning and was barfing. We would have gone another 4 hours home if not for that.  And, last year we drove 8 hours round trip on a Saturday to spend 2 hours at her friends' 50th anniversary party. Granted, we probably wouldn't party hardy in NO Saturday night, but we'd probably go out for dinner, spend a couple hours around town (bars, museums, whatever), go to bed, then get up, have brunch, and be on the road home around noon. But, that's just us. Car trips are easier than flying for us. They aren't for everyone, though. Just speaking for myself.

But yeah, I see how you really tried to make it affordable for everyone, but sometimes, other stuff just has to come first, especially if they have a family. You may think you know they can afford it, but that's not always the case. I know I don't come across like my checking account will be overdrawn for the next week until payday, but it is. Whether they planned it or not, they can't go. That's the breaks. Just have fun with the girls who can go and don't worry about it. It's OK to be bummed for a bit, though. And the whole butt-dialing thing sucks and probably did make things worse, but you'll have to deal with that now too.

KittyKaty20

Musikalbunni said:

Ladies,  she is trying to mend things. Even if her apology isn't perfect, she is trying and I commend her for that. 

"I'm sorry" wasn't the norm in my house, so my "sorries" were very clumsy in the past. I thought I was apologizing, but I was making things worse. It took several years for me to finally see how I was communicating to others.

A genuine apology needs to be accompanied by humility and a desire to change. In this case, OP seems really repentant and as clumsy as her apology may seem - she is indeed reaching out and understands where she failed. 

Some of the girls we've had in the past on TK are so set on their rudeness and demands that they can't even admit when they are wrong. I am glad OP is taking in all our suggestions with humility and attempting to mend things. 

OP, you are on the right track. PP's are right, you apology was off, but take their pointers and apply them and try again. 

Good luck!

This is well-said. I (and likely @phira) only gave some additional feedback in an attempt to help her next time. @phira gave OP very specific advice to NOT give a justification, and OPs voice mail messagewas full of them. And given all the information about how the OP's sisters/mom reacted to her mistake, I wanted to let OP know that her "reaching out" may be rejected.

KittyKaty20

I thought I recognized you from the May 2014 Board!