I need some words of encouragement.

JennyColada

So I ordered a nice dress from Jcrew to try on and see if I wanted to get married it in.

It came in today!

They were backordered in the light champagne (the color that I think I'd want) so I ordered it in a smokey charcoal grey and I actually LOVE the color!

I tried it on, and the dress is light and flowey and comfortable. It's a bit too long and I'd like it to nip in a bit more in the waist (both things I think can be done at a nice tailor), but I LOVE the neck and the back keyhole opening.

I took a picture and sent it to my mom and the only thing she says is "it's not very flattering on you". Now, I think I could handle her criticism (it's probably not the MOST flattering dress EVER and Fi sucks at taking pictures [I mean, he took it from above so it makes me look very short and squat, ew, learn selfie 101 bro]), but I feel like EVERY dress I try on just doesn't make me cry and think "OMG THIS IS THE ONE!" Just like the dozens of other dresses I tried on, this is just a "nice dress".

I just feel like there's so. much. pressure. I'll have pictures that will last the rest of my life and everyone is going to see if and I'm just feel like there's so much telling me that I have to find some awesome amazing perfect dress that at this point I just don't think exists.

UGH.

I just need a hug or some kind words or uplifting stories.

I don't even know. I kind of just want this whole dress shopping thing to be over. I like this dress, and maybe that's enough? I don't know.

JennyColada

Sorry for the novel, I'm kind of venting.

AddieCake

Not everyone has that ZOMG moment. I think you need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

QueerFemme

Not everyone has the THIS IS IT moment. I didn't. I had a "this fits, and it looks flattering and it's in my budget" moment.  My dress was really pretty, and I did get a lot of gasps of "OMG ITS GORGEOUS" moments from guests at the wedding. But, I'm guessing that would have happened no matter what I wore. Everyone loves a bride.

My point is, relax. If you like the dress, keep it, if you think you want to return it and keep shopping, do that.  But, you still may not have that tear jerker moment.

CMGragain

You have been watching too much bridal TV.  The crying, OMG moment just doesn't happen to everyone.  My daughter looked terrified when she tried on her dress.  The sales associate was confused.  I knew what was going through daughter's mind.  "Oh,oh.  I like this one a lot, and it's really expensive, and it isn't what I thought I wanted!"
If your dress pleases YOU, that is enough.

Ven&Radio

Lots of people don't have the crying "omg this is it" reaction to a dress.  The dress you described sounds lovely (charcoal is one of my favorite colors).  The bottom line is, do you love the dress?  If so, it's a keeper.  If not, keep on looking.

Moms can be really sucky at being supportive.  I'm a plus sized woman who doesn't get dressed up very often.  When I expressed some nervousness about dress shopping to my mom, her reaction was not to offer support or encouragement, but instead ask if I'd considered getting spanx.  Thanks mom.

cupcait927

I'm sure the dress looks amazing on you I was worried that I wasn't going to find THE dress either after watching waaaay too much SYTTD but I went, tried a few on and found one I love. Now of course I'm completely second guessing myself and worrying it's not flattering enough or fancy enough or just plain ol' good enough. But then I calm myself down and remind myself of how I felt in the dress. That's all that matters. If you love it and feel good in it, then that's all the dress needs to do. My consultant at DB actually said something really great when I was trying to decide on a dress - she said that it won't matter what dress I choose, that on the day I get married I'm going to feel beautiful no matter what I'm in bc I'm getting married to the man I love. Just focus on that

flyingfoxes

I too didn't have the OMG! moment, but I like my dress quite a bit, it was discontinued so it was very budget-friendly, it's flattering, so I'm done looking.  I know I'd drive myself crazy if I kept looking.  You are going to look lovely in whatever dress you wear, cuz like @ckel24 said - you'll have that bride glow.  

SBmini

Be honest with yourself- do you like the dress because you want to be done with shopping or do you like the dress? If it is the first one than I would keep looking. Especially if you had to pick second choice on the color (which is beautiful, but not all that bridal)

I had to defend my choice with my mom and I'm glad I did, because I liked the dress. It was the favorite one I tried on and I didn't care that she didn't cry because I liked it more than the one she cried at. She likes the dress a lot more now.

JennyColada

Thank you everyone for your comments. I really appreciated the personal stories and experiences, and it's really helped me.

I think I just need to create a mantra for myself to consistently remind myself that I don't have to have a "PERFECT" dress. I'm just so worried because I feel like we are going to have so many memories and pictures of ONE day and I get ONE chance to choose, and I'm worried about choosing something and having it look horrible on me and hating it afterwards.

This is totally unreasonable though, as I know that I'll love whatever I wear (and likely won't even THINK about what I'm wearing as I'll be too overcome with emotion by marrying my best friend!).

QueerFemme

Jennycolada said:

Thank you everyone for your comments. I really appreciated the personal stories and experiences, and it's really helped me.

I think I just need to create a mantra for myself to consistently remind myself that I don't have to have a "PERFECT" dress. I'm just so worried because I feel like we are going to have so many memories and pictures of ONE day and I get ONE chance to choose, and I'm worried about choosing something and having it look horrible on me and hating it afterwards.

This is totally unreasonable though, as I know that I'll love whatever I wear (and likely won't even THINK about what I'm wearing as I'll be too overcome with emotion by marrying my best friend!).

I will say this... you WILL think about what you are wearing (at least, I think so), because everyone will be commenting on it.  If you think you want to keep looking, give yourself the chance to do that.  If you love the dress you got, keep it and be happy with it (I know that's easier said than done). 

If you aren't sure though, go try some more on and see if you find something you love more.  You can always return the JCrew dress if you find something, right?

emmyg65

For whatever reason, I just didn't really care about the dress. I bought one online (the only one I tried on) because I figured it was good enough. Of course, once it came in the color I wanted and I had it altered to fit me perfectly, I loved it. And I love it because it's the dress I got married in.

As others have said, not everyone has a zomg moment. If you feel good in the dress and you're happy with how it looks, then go for it.

Dignity100

I totally did not have the 'OMG crying moment' with my dress.  I also wanted to sleep on my decision.  When I got home and started thinking about it - I decided I love the dress and couldn't stop thinking how pretty it was and how I do love how I look and how it will look with my venue.  I decided 'no more dresses' - made an appointment to go and purchase it (they couldn't get me in until March, so here I wait).

sarahufl

I tried on about 10 dresses. I liked 8 of them, I really liked 2 of them. Went to lunch, sent some pics to friends/my dad, went back to the store and bought the one everyone voted for. It is beautiful and I really like it, but I assure you- I did not cry.

Wedding dresses aren't really my thing. I wanted something I loved and that I felt pretty in, but I never thought I would cry about it.

JennyColada

QueerFemme said:

I will say this... you WILL think about what you are wearing (at least, I think so), because everyone will be commenting on it.

The thing with this is, I'm having a really small (10 people!) destination wedding in Napa, so there won't be many people to comment!

Dignity100

I'm having a small wedding too - around 12 guests.  Honestly I was between 2 or 3 dresses, my consultant took pictures of me in all the dresses I tried on.  The 1 my mom ruled out right away because she wasn't comfortable with how it fit me... so out of the other 2 I looked at how they made me feel and how well they photographed. 

I am going over my original budget, FI and I talked about it though and looked at our initial plans and were able to make a few cuts on some items we were 'on the fence' if we wanted or not in order to put it back in budget (plus I work a job where I get overtime and will just work some extra hours here and there to help out).

I just mention that because I do have the thought 'it's just family' and 'it's a small wedding' but then on the other hand 'it's MY wedding and I should be able to have all those things that other brides get if I want them too'.

[Deleted User]

I'll bet your mom has a different opinion of it when she sees it in person. Plus once you get the alterations you mentioned, it will look even better. Maybe she is just having a hard time picturing the final product. Congrats on finding your dress

cowgirl8238

Ven&Radio said:

Lots of people don't have the crying "omg this is it" reaction to a dress.  The dress you described sounds lovely (charcoal is one of my favorite colors).  The bottom line is, do you love the dress?  If so, it's a keeper.  If not, keep on looking.

Moms can be really sucky at being supportive.  I'm a plus sized woman who doesn't get dressed up very often.  When I expressed some nervousness about dress shopping to my mom, her reaction was not to offer support or encouragement, but instead ask if I'd considered getting spanx.  Thanks mom.

I know that feeling...

and my mom is also plus sized...

--------------

Anyway, don't worry OP.  Once you find a dress you love you will look great in it no matter what.  I didn't have a whole tear jerking "this is the one" moment either, but I do love my dress, even if my mom wasn't crazy about it.  This is one of the few times where I say "It's my dress and my day!"

edit: to add

erinlin25

all (well most) moms envision their little girl in a poofy white wedding dress, sometimes when it is "out of the box" I think they are resistant.  Plus even you said it need some alterations, so it may look "frumpy" in pics since it is not fitted to you.  Is it a type of dress you would keep no matter what?  I only ask because you can get it altered and see how it for sure fits--and then If you decide it is not wedding-like, you can keep it for something else?  Or would it be a wedding or nothing type dress?

Will there be a time you can show your mom in person?  I would hold on to the dress, but maybe try shopping again to see if you can find the color/style you really want.  Don't settle, but also don't drive yourself crazy.  All that matters is what YOU like and if your FI loves it then bonus deal.  Moms will always be opinionated and your biggest critic.   I did not cry when I found my dress, but I sure was giddy and excited.  I know my mom liked another dress better at first but once she saw how different my expression with my dress was she totally cried once they put on the veil and was sold; and come wedding day she 100% completely agreed I picked the perfect dress.

JoanE2012

I definitely did not have a crying, OMG, this is my dress moment.  I just went from down and out after hating most dresses to feeling happy with a smile when I finally found one I liked. 

Do you feel comfortable posting the dress (perhaps with you in it) here? 

JennyColada

I will post pictures after I got the second dress in (I just ordered it in the dusty shale in a petite size). I'm thinking of taking it to a tailor and seeing if I can add a layer of lace to the bottom or maybe a tiny bit of fullness to the skirt.

The more I think of this dress the more I love it.

missnc77

I sent a picture of my dress to my dad who totally doesn't understand sample sizes and then ordering a dress that fits you. I don't know what response I expected from him, but it wasn't, "I hope you don't fall out." REALLY? I got that the same day I picked out the dress, and it totally deflated my emotional high. But then I remembered how I felt when I put on the dress and that my dad is, in fact, my dad. I eventually emailed him back and told him he's going to cry regardless once he sees me on the day of, and I think your mom probably will, too. If you love it, then wear it!