So FRUSTRATED with future SIL

andreabechtel

Tonight I found out what SHOULD have been good news: my future sister in law (my fiancee's stepbrothers wife) is pregnant with their third child. However, it's NOT good news. First off, they took $1000 a few months ago from my FMIL (with NO intention of paying it back) because they literally cannot pay their bills. My fiancee's stepdad owns a business with his son and Pa takes NO pay from the business because he feels bad for his son. Their oldest son is 11 and their daughter is 2. My FSIL is so jealous of my fiancee because he is the only child (stepdad didn't come into his life fully until he was in college) and his mom "spoils" him. To be fair, she does--but he is her only blood family left. Both her parents are dead, her brother died suddenly and Matt is all she has left. She isn't "unfair" to anyone (obviously! freaking $1000 to mid 30 year old stepkids).

FSIL got upset that I did not invite her son to be in the wedding...at 11 years old, there isn't much for him to do and I have my own family to invite to be in the wedding. Her daughter is in the wedding, as our flower girl, as are her and her husband. 

I found out tonight that she is having a baby...for most all the length of our engagement, during our wedding (she will literally be 9 months pregnant at our wedding) and the weeks following our wedding (probably 2-3 weeks after our wedding she'll have the baby). Her father in law (fiancee's stepdad) is pissed about it, her husband isn't thrilled (heeellllloooo they can't afford the 2 kids they HAVE) and my FMIL is so upset that she literally told her she better not have the baby on June 2 and ruin the wedding. She was on NO birth control at ALL and is calling this an "accident". WHAT?! I told FMIL, I don't want to be angry about this but I am. She constantly asks me how much FMIL is giving for the wedding and is always making snide comments about any time me and FMIL spend together about the wedding. My family lives 15 hours away and the only person I have that is as excited as I am (besides Matt) is my FMIL. Plus I feel like it's good for us to have that bonding time.

Just need to get that off my chest, sorry for the venting!

Stina51286

Don't let her stupid remarks about how much FMIL is spending get to you. Just act like you didn't hear her and change the subject or say "I am sorry but that is between us and not any thing to do with you". The whole pregnant thing I would understand esp if her due date was the date give a day or two of your wedding but that date could always change. Trust me im worried about two of my BMs having the same issue as they are both getting married next Aug and Sept and want to get at it right away, our wedding is a yr after theirs so depending on how fast it works for them, we may be in the same situation.

Jelenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_frustrated-future-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:17bde4f7-1652-4064-967a-068c67018809Post:ab2f560e-7316-44d0-a585-791b8bfae560">So FRUSTRATED with future SIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Tonight I found out what SHOULD have been good news: my future sister in law (my fiancee's stepbrothers wife) is pregnant with their third child. However, it's NOT good news. First off, they took $1000 a few months ago from my FMIL (with NO intention of paying it back) because they literally cannot pay their bills. My fiancee's stepdad owns a business with his son and Pa takes NO pay from the business because he feels bad for his son. Their oldest son is 11 and their daughter is 2. My FSIL is so jealous of my fiancee because he is the only child (stepdad didn't come into his life fully until he was in college) and his mom "spoils" him. To be fair, she does--but he is her only blood family left. Both her parents are dead, her brother died suddenly and Matt is all she has left. She isn't "unfair" to anyone (obviously! freaking $1000 to mid 30 year old stepkids). <strong>FSIL got upset that I did not invite her son to be in the wedding...at 11 years old, there isn't much for him to do and I have my own family to invite to be in the wedding. Her daughter is in the wedding, as our flower girl, as are her and her husband.  I found out tonight that she is having a baby...for most all the length of our engagement, during our wedding (she will literally be 9 months pregnant at our wedding) and the weeks following our wedding (probably 2-3 weeks after our wedding she'll have the baby).</strong>Her father in law (fiancee's stepdad) is pissed about it, her husband isn't thrilled (heeellllloooo they can't afford the 2 kids they HAVE) and my FMIL is so upset that she literally told her she better not have the baby on June 2 and ruin the wedding. She was on NO birth control at ALL and is calling this an "accident". WHAT?! I told FMIL, I don't want to be angry about this but I am. She constantly asks me how much FMIL is giving for the wedding and is always making snide comments about any time me and FMIL spend together about the wedding. My family lives 15 hours away and the only person I have that is as excited as I am (besides Matt) is my FMIL. Plus I feel like it's good for us to have that bonding time. Just need to get that off my chest, sorry for the venting!
Posted by andreabechtel[/QUOTE]

i get you are frustrated and I get we get only what you are telling us, but the bold part comes off pretty selfish and childish.

1 - so they can't bring their son but the daughter is in the wedding?  Sorry then he should come.  (If you explained it right)

2 - life happens people don't plan everything around a wedding I get they are not financially responsible but a bm could ::gasp:: even get pregnant.

BREATHE and don't talk about the wedding with FSIL.  Avoid it and keep to yourself, but I would seriously reconsider breaking up that family as far as wedding invites because that does make you look bad.

rungirl12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_frustrated-future-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:17bde4f7-1652-4064-967a-068c67018809Post:a6ec1eac-6a49-4305-999a-38edf1198999">Re: So FRUSTRATED with future SIL</a>:
[QUOTE]1 - so they can't bring their son but the daughter is in the wedding?  Sorry then he should come.  (If you explained it right) 2 - life happens people don't plan everything around a wedding I get they are not financially responsible but a bm could ::gasp:: even get pregnant. BREATHE and don't talk about the wedding with FSIL.  Avoid it and keep to yourself, but I would seriously reconsider breaking up that family as far as wedding invites because that does make you look bad.
Posted by Jelenny[/QUOTE]

1) The son isn't<strong> IN</strong> the wedding... he's invited.
2) I don't think the original poster was that concerned about a BM being pregnant, just pointing out how it aligned with the wedding so we wouldn't jump to the conclusion that there would be a newborn there.  I believe the main issue is that this FSIL is immature and this is a bump in the road for all involved.  Just my take though.

Sorry andreabechtel, but you should continue to bond with FMIL as she sounds like a great woman.  That's between the two of you and FSIL should play no role in that.  I would just avoid discussing wedding stuff with or in front of FSIL and when she butts into $$, tell her that's not her place to know.  I hope it works out - it sounds like you have the support of your FI and his parents!

Jelenny

Sorry I read that really fast....

rungirl12

I read it that way first myself and had to go back because I didn't believe it myself!!

beckster5551

I totally read the post really fast at first and thought the same thing! 

andreabechtel

Hahaha NO, ALL our family is invited to the wedding--she has been asking for the past 10 months for him to be the ring bearer but my nephew is the ring bearer He is of course invited, good gravy!

My FMIL did tell her she better not have this baby June 2, and ruin the wedding, lol. I am going to continue bonding with her, too

I did just need to vent, and I understand that people don't plan everything around a wedding but you would at least think they'd be conscious of their own lives. But whatever, it is their life and my fiancee has talked to his stepbrother & they are bowing out of the wedding. She will enjoy it much more sitting down if she even makes it--she isn't sure she will.

Thanks for listening everyone, sorry for any misunderstanding from the post.