Can't pick a date - help!

courtneyandjohn2014

My fiance and I just got engaged and we're having an awful time picking a date.

We wanted to get married in the fall, but his sister is expecting her first baby at about the same time, and his mother has asked us not to pick any date in September of October. By the time we eliminated other family conflicts, dates the church was already booked, and winter months (since I'm not a fan), we were down to either getting married Aug. 30 (with only six months to set everything up!) or waiting until sometime next spring.

Six months seems too fast. Next spring seems too far away. And complicating matters is the fact that my father has dementia and Parkinson's, and his condition could deteriorate significantly in the ~15 months we'd be waiting for a spring wedding. (But on the other hand, there's no guarantee he'd make it to the ceremony even if it was in six months).

We really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

firebabe6519

Six months is very doable. I know couples who have done it with anywhere from a couple years to a mere three months! Its really just a matter of what is going to work best for your FI and you.

jenna8984

My brother just planned his in 6 months. They were engaged for a year but once they actually booked it, it was only 6 months away. And it was large (160 guests) and traditional with all the bells and whistles and they had no problem planning it so quickly. It's very possible. But if you think it would be too stressful and you need to save more money there's nothing wrong with waiting, I'd probably do sooner though just because of your father. And I think it's a little rude and weird of your MIL to block off two entire months...like really it's a one day event. I know she's going to have a new grandchild but surely she can take one day to enjoy a wedding. lol 

courtneyandjohn2014

jenna8984 said:

 And I think it's a little rude and weird of your MIL to block off two entire months...like really it's a one day event. I know she's going to have a new grandchild but surely she can take one day to enjoy a wedding. lol 

The baby's due at the very beginning of October. She's worried the mom-to-be might go early or late, or that she won't be able to travel before or after for health reasons. They're a very close family and want everybody to be able to make it.

mysticl

Our engagement was two days short of 6 months.  It can be stressful but it can also be good because you have to make a decision and move on.  You don't have the time to keep going back and forth between multiple options.  

afterimage

jenna8984 said:

 And I think it's a little rude and weird of your MIL to block off two entire months...like really it's a one day event. I know she's going to have a new grandchild but surely she can take one day to enjoy a wedding. lol 

The baby's due at the very beginning of October. She's worried the mom-to-be might go early or late, or that she won't be able to travel before or after for health reasons. They're a very close family and want everybody to be able to make it.

**in the box**

2 full months being blocked off still seems excessive to me.  Can't early September or late October work?
Also, do you absolutely have to have a Fall or Spring wedding?  When I first got engaged I really really wanted an outdoor wedding in Summer, but I felt like Summer 2014 was a bit too close and Summer 2015 was too far off.  The more I thought about it, the idea of a Winter wedding started to appeal to me more.  I will be getting married in January, now.  It couldn't hurt check out some inspiration for Winter weddings and see if the idea grows on you.

emmyg65

Do Aug. 30. Six months is plenty enough time to plan a wedding.

Mitch617

I say Aug 30 but just know that it's Labor Day weekend. Especially because of your dad. But agree with pp about considering a winter wedding. December can be nice because venues might be decorated for Christmas and you save money by using that decor.

MairePoppy

My daughter and SIL planned their wedding in six months. In fact, she got a discount on her dream venue by booking leftover date. You can do it.

CMGragain

 I planned my own simple church wedding in 2 months.  I had to buy an off the rack gown, and be flexible about bridesmaids.  Six months is plenty of time, but you need to go dress shopping ASAP.
No matter what date you choose, someone will have a conflict.  Go ahead with plans and have a lovely wedding.

SmileDamnit

Also that 6 months is definitely doable. Our engagement is just over 6 months and and the biggest hurdle we ran into was securing venue, but it sounds like you've got that covered so I'd say go for it!

**edited to ditto @CMGragain about the dress**

Megalega14

we planned ours in about six months, (getting married July 25 this year) and because it was a leftover date we got a great deal.  I am very, very anti friday weddings, but we needed a certain date for family things, and we went with friday and people love it! a day off (or half day of work is a great excuse for people to take off) and then they have two full days to recover from the drinking and dancing!
it would be much cheaper than a saturday, usually

but 6 months is more than enough time!! you can do it!

HisGirlFriday13

Six months is doable.

And your MIL doesn't get to block off two full months for the baby's arrival. The baby is due early October and will come when it wants to.

My cousin (who is like a sister to me) had her baby the day before my wedding. She and her husband didn't make it, but we understood, obviously. Life happens.

CrazyCatBride

What about less wintery months like November or March?

Jen4948

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

My fiance and I just got engaged and we're having an awful time picking a date.

We wanted to get married in the fall, but his sister is expecting her first baby at about the same time, and his mother has asked us not to pick any date in September of October. By the time we eliminated other family conflicts, dates the church was already booked, and winter months (since I'm not a fan), we were down to either getting married Aug. 30 (with only six months to set everything up!) or waiting until sometime next spring.

Six months seems too fast. Next spring seems too far away. And complicating matters is the fact that my father has dementia and Parkinson's, and his condition could deteriorate significantly in the ~15 months we'd be waiting for a spring wedding. (But on the other hand, there's no guarantee he'd make it to the ceremony even if it was in six months).

We really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

I think your FMIL is rude to expect you to block off two months based on the birth of one baby.   For all you know, someone is going to be pregnant around any date you pick, and there really is no way to know for sure that a baby won't be premature or late.  I'd tell her your reasons for needing to get married now and let her know that while you're sympathetic to her desire for your FSIL to be there, waiting is not a reasonable option.

lyndausvi

I say Aug 30.   Totally doable.

I personally would not pick at wedding date around the time one of our siblings was known to give birth.   Had I picked the date then they got pregnant, then I would just stick with my date.  A known due date?  Nope, I would stay away from that.  

That's just me though.  There is noting wrong with picking at date in Sept or Oct as long as you are fine with them not being able to attend.   

 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?  

Jen4948

lyndausvi said:

 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?  

My mom definitely would pick a grandchild's birth over my wedding.  One thing I can rely on her for is to never give me first priority.

kmmssg

Jen4948 said:

lyndausvi said:

 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?  

My mom definitely would pick a grandchild's birth over my wedding.  One thing I can rely on her for is to never give me first priority.

I am really sorry to hear that. That has to suck.

I was at the hospital when the gkid's were born and that would be a tough choice.  When my oldest DD got engaged, she set her date.  Then we found out sister/MOH was due within 2 days of the wedding.  All engaged DD said was "if sister goes into labor at the wedding I am going to the hospital!"  Bride DD ended up needed insurance faster than when her wedding would occur so we moved up her date and we planned her wedding in 12 weeks with all the bells and whistles, so OP you CAN do this in 6 months which I would really encourage you to consider since your dad is ill.

I "think" I would choose going to my DD's wedding since we always host them since I know pregnant DD would be in safe hands and with her partner.  It would be tough but I "think" that would be my choice.  We probably would have discussed rescheduling the wedding since 3 of the girls are very close.

MobKaz

kmmssg said: Jen4948 said: lyndausvi said:
 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?   My mom definitely would pick a grandchild's birth over my wedding.  One thing I can rely on her for is to never give me first priority.
I am really sorry to hear that. That has to suck.
I was at the hospital when the gkid's were born and that would be a tough choice.  When my oldest DD got engaged, she set her date.  Then we found out sister/MOH was due within 2 days of the wedding.  All engaged DD said was "if sister goes into labor at the wedding I am going to the hospital!"  Bride DD ended up needed insurance faster than when her wedding would occur so we moved up her date and we planned her wedding in 12 weeks with all the bells and whistles, so OP you CAN do this in 6 months which I would really encourage you to consider since your dad is ill.
I "think" I would choose going to my DD's wedding since we always host them since I know pregnant DD would be in safe hands and with her partner.  It would be tough but I "think" that would be my choice.  We probably would have discussed rescheduling the wedding since 3 of the girls are very close.


You mean to tell me you passed up the **gag/cough/sputter/ahem** perfect opportunity for a PPD and passed on it?  What were you thinking??  Oh, that's right......you're one of "those" who opted for common sense and honesty.

@kmmssg, I don't mean to frighten you but we think freakishly alike.  My first thoughts were also, "Well, sister is in good hands, and the baby doesn't know if we saw her the first hour or her 10th hour of life."   My daughter is currently expecting this August (YAY) and she has already said she expects me to be there during her labor.  My first question was, "Why"?  To me, those moments are so intimate and personal between the couple.  I guess we have a lot to discuss before August!

kmmssg

mobkaz said:

kmmssg said:

Jen4948 said:

lyndausvi said:

 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?  

My mom definitely would pick a grandchild's birth over my wedding.  One thing I can rely on her for is to never give me first priority.

I am really sorry to hear that. That has to suck.

I was at the hospital when the gkid's were born and that would be a tough choice.  When my oldest DD got engaged, she set her date.  Then we found out sister/MOH was due within 2 days of the wedding.  All engaged DD said was "if sister goes into labor at the wedding I am going to the hospital!"  Bride DD ended up needed insurance faster than when her wedding would occur so we moved up her date and we planned her wedding in 12 weeks with all the bells and whistles, so OP you CAN do this in 6 months which I would really encourage you to consider since your dad is ill.

I "think" I would choose going to my DD's wedding since we always host them since I know pregnant DD would be in safe hands and with her partner.  It would be tough but I "think" that would be my choice.  We probably would have discussed rescheduling the wedding since 3 of the girls are very close.

You mean to tell me you passed up the **gag/cough/sputter/ahem** perfect opportunity for a PPD and passed on it?  What were you thinking??  Oh, that's right......you're one of "those" who opted for common sense and honesty.

@kmmssg, I don't mean to frighten you but we think freakishly alike.  My first thoughts were also, "Well, sister is in good hands, and the baby doesn't know if we saw her the first hour or her 10th hour of life."   My daughter is currently expecting this August (YAY) and she has already said she expects me to be there during her labor.  My first question was, "Why"?  To me, those moments are so intimate and personal between the couple.  I guess we have a lot to discuss before August!

It is my 2 bioDDs' who have given me the grandchildren and they both decided that the 3 sets of parents should come up to the hospital during labor.  When things got more serious we were in the waiting room but it was their plan, their desire, their show.  My mom was long gone when I had children and I wished she could have been there, but definitely NOT for delivery.

Is this your first grandchild?

lyndausvi

I have a friend who asked her mom and MIL to be in the room and NOT her husband for the 3rd child.  Reason?   Hubby stressed her out during the first 2 deliveries.   LOL --  Mom and MIL created a nice calm atmosphere for her. 

Different strokes for different folks.

kmmssg

lyndausvi said:

I have a friend who asked her mom and MIL to be in the room and NOT her husband for the 3rd child.  Reason?   Hubby stressed her out during the first 2 deliveries.   LOL --  Mom and MIL created a nice calm atmosphere for her. 

Different strokes for different folks.

Oh my!  I haven't heard of that before but whatever works for mom is the right thing.

MobKaz

kmmssg said:

mobkaz said:

kmmssg said:

Jen4948 said:

lyndausvi said:

 Sad as it might be, should the wedding the new grandchild's birth happen at the same time I think my mom would pick a grandchild's birth over a wedding.  Maybe that's why I wouldn't even risk it?  

My mom definitely would pick a grandchild's birth over my wedding.  One thing I can rely on her for is to never give me first priority.

I am really sorry to hear that. That has to suck.

I was at the hospital when the gkid's were born and that would be a tough choice.  When my oldest DD got engaged, she set her date.  Then we found out sister/MOH was due within 2 days of the wedding.  All engaged DD said was "if sister goes into labor at the wedding I am going to the hospital!"  Bride DD ended up needed insurance faster than when her wedding would occur so we moved up her date and we planned her wedding in 12 weeks with all the bells and whistles, so OP you CAN do this in 6 months which I would really encourage you to consider since your dad is ill.

I "think" I would choose going to my DD's wedding since we always host them since I know pregnant DD would be in safe hands and with her partner.  It would be tough but I "think" that would be my choice.  We probably would have discussed rescheduling the wedding since 3 of the girls are very close.

You mean to tell me you passed up the **gag/cough/sputter/ahem** perfect opportunity for a PPD and passed on it?  What were you thinking??  Oh, that's right......you're one of "those" who opted for common sense and honesty.

@kmmssg, I don't mean to frighten you but we think freakishly alike.  My first thoughts were also, "Well, sister is in good hands, and the baby doesn't know if we saw her the first hour or her 10th hour of life."   My daughter is currently expecting this August (YAY) and she has already said she expects me to be there during her labor.  My first question was, "Why"?  To me, those moments are so intimate and personal between the couple.  I guess we have a lot to discuss before August!

It is my 2 bioDDs' who have given me the grandchildren and they both decided that the 3 sets of parents should come up to the hospital during labor.  When things got more serious we were in the waiting room but it was their plan, their desire, their show.  My mom was long gone when I had children and I wished she could have been there, but definitely NOT for delivery.

Is this your first grandchild?

It is, indeed!  DD had three losses prior to this, so needless to say we are beyond over the moon!  We found out recently she is having a girl!  Girls are a tad "foreign" to me, so I am a bit nervous.  I grew up in a male dominant environment (4 brothers) and the majority of my friends were boys.  As my siblings and I married, we have had a total of 13 children.  Only 3 are girls.  My daughter was the first granddaughter after 4 boys. She is also accustomed to a world of boys.  SIL's family is very female focused and lives for all things bows, lace, and tulle!  I'm doomed.  

kmmssg

@mobkaz - oldest DD laid the law down there were to be NO RUFFLE BUTTS WHATSOEVER!  She was not a girly girl had hates that stuff.  I am sure  your new granddaughter will enjoy the best of both worlds!

theartistformerlyknownas

I think it's pretty ridiculous to block out two entire months for one baby too, but I would still try to accommodate the wee one to a certain extent. I mean, I'd probably skip my own wedding if my sister was having a baby, just to be there in the waiting room. But I'm a sucker like that. I would give around 2 weeks plus or minus the due date though, not two months. Even if you do block it off though, I think Aug 30 is totally doable. My sister planned her wedding in less than 5 months. Otherwise, what's wrong with November? That's still fall. You mentioned some of the issues being scheduling conflicts with the church; is it any better to do a Friday night or Sunday early afternoon?