A vent...sorry

KD+AR

So the wedding planning hasn't gone according to plan.... I have 3 best friends and 3 sisters... My MOH is my closest friend... There was no other choice on who would be my MOH, and with 3 sisters my two other best friends knew that my sisters would be there, and they were ok with that... no hurt feelings nothing. So last month 2 of my sister backed out. Davids Bridal messed up and ordered the dresses in the wrong size.So my sisters had to go back out to college without getting remeasured to get the dresses re ordered. Because of this dilemma they relinquished their roles and will be reading in the wedding instead. When this happened my two other best friends stepped in... Now before I get torn a new one for "replacing" my girls it wasn't like that at all, they weren't kicked out, and to no one's fault ( except Katy from David's bridal in Portland Maine)  they couldn't commit to their duties. They wanted my other girls to step in, and my two other besties were excited... well now one of the girls who stepped in has really hurt my feelings. I am probably being sensitive, and I will get over it... but my girlfriend called me a Bridezilla... now some women would laugh it off, for me it really hurt my feelings. I am a control freak, I know this about myself. i over plan and try to control everything. The term bridezilla just makes me picture this over emotional, less than pleasant bitchy woman who doesn't care about anyone but herself and pissing everyone off by being demanding and mean. i have tried so hard not to be like that... so being called a bridezilla really hurt... Please tell me I am not the only one who would be hurt. Sorry for being a baby...

cookie0803

Regardless of whether or not you asked your sisters to step down, it's still rude to replace them. I can understand why your friend would feel hurt, because it makes it seem as though they weren't good enough to be in your bridal party until your original choices were out.


Also, I'm assuming when you said your sisters "couldn't commit to their duties," you meant they couldn't get their dresses or show up on time to the wedding. These are the only requirements. Showers and other pre-wedding parties are, of course, optional.

AddieCake

KD+AR said:

So the wedding planning hasn't gone according to plan.... I have 3 best friends and 3 sisters... My MOH is my closest friend... There was no other choice on who would be my MOH, and with 3 sisters my two other best friends knew that my sisters would be there, and they were ok with that... no hurt feelings nothing. So last month 2 of my sister backed out. Davids Bridal messed up and ordered the dresses in the wrong size.So my sisters had to go back out to college without getting remeasured to get the dresses re ordered. Because of this dilemma they relinquished their roles and will be reading in the wedding instead. When this happened my two other best friends stepped in... Now before I get torn a new one for "replacing" my girls it wasn't like that at all, they weren't kicked out, and to no one's fault ( except Katy from David's bridal in Portland Maine)  they couldn't commit to their duties. They wanted my other girls to step in, and my two other besties were excited... well now one of the girls who stepped in has really hurt my feelings. I am probably being sensitive, and I will get over it... but my girlfriend called me a Bridezilla... now some women would laugh it off, for me it really hurt my feelings. I am a control freak, I know this about myself. i over plan and try to control everything. The term bridezilla just makes me picture this over emotional, less than pleasant bitchy woman who doesn't care about anyone but herself and pissing everyone off by being demanding and mean. i have tried so hard not to be like that... so being called a bridezilla really hurt... Please tell me I am not the only one who would be hurt. Sorry for being a baby...

Get over it. Obviously, you did or said something that caused her to feel that way. And the word bridezilla gets thrown around so loosely these days any way. Just apologize and move forward and try not to step on any more toes in the process.

artbyallie

Question: why are the dresses more important to you than the women in them?

MairePoppy

My daughter also had a volunteer bm. There were no drop outs, just a very dear friend who wanted to be included. And my daughter was very happy to have her in the wedding party. 

It's too bad your sisters felt they had to drop out because of the dresses. They could have ordered from a David's closer to their schools. If they change their mind, it would be ok to have more bms than gms. 

Since you admit to being controlling, I'm going to assume that you might have struck a nerve with your good friend. It's time to examine your own behavior, apologize, and lighten up a bit. Let it go.

aurianna

I'm so confused... were the dresses that came in like the exact sizes for these other girls and if not, how did they have time to get new ones but your sisters didn't?

Could your sisters not take their measurements themselves and phone them in? (though, seriously, DBs are in like every town in America; they couldn't have gone to a store close to college?)

Is your wedding in less than a month or something because I was under the impression that David's Bridal had an amazing turnaround time.

Because DB messed up your order, why couldn't you have made them take back all of the dresses and you just let girls all take different dresses...

This situation confuses me so much. Something went horribly wrong.


I'd just try to calm down a bit. Relax. You're getting married soon. It will be fun.

KD+AR

OK... Here is what happened. They live in Maine. We were able to get to DB before the left for school for measurements. The rep at DB didn't put the sizes in the computer, so when I went back several weeks later to place the order for all the dresses the sizes weren't there. DB thought they would be smart and order the dresses in their prom dress sizes from 2 years ago. DB said they would be able to get them re measured during Christmas vacation. They came back for vacation, but was never able to take the hour and a half drive to Portland to get remeasured. Now I did try to get their measurements, but the online sizes are different then in store and it was saying that a 5'2" girl at 120 lbs was a size 10. IDK about you guys...but my roommate is 5'5" and 170lbs and is a size 12. Those numbers didn't make sense. But since they don't have their own car and the closest DB to them in college is 4 hours they just couldn't get measured... The sizes they ordered were a 6 and an 8... so one of my friends could fit in the 8 and we sent the other back for a size that was a 3 week turn around. I love my sisters with all my heart, but with them not being able to get measured there was no way to change the dresses for the right size, even if we were to change the style... It was also pointed out that the dresses meant more than my sisters... my sisters tried to back out of the wedding when they realized the couldn't afford the dresses back in November. I bought their dresses. i worked 14 hours of overtime to make sure they had the dresses they wanted to wear. I love my sisters, I wanted them in the wedding. it just didn't work out, and I paid for their dresses because I wanted them there so bad, but couldn't afford to pay for that much in alterations...

jerkyanne

Why can't your sisters measure themselves (it's seriously super easy) and you order their dresses? DB reordered a size once, I mean the size mistake was on them.

artbyallie

Your explanation still doesn't tell me why you couldn't just let them still get a dress off the rack or wear something they already had or, you know, any option besides kicking them out of the wedding. I know we say the only responsibility is to get and wear the dress, but when it's the store making the mistake, I don't understand why you can't show an ounce of flexibility for the sake of your sisters.

AddieCake

I agree with Allie. If I wanted someone in my wedding and they wanted to be in it, no dress snafu would be precluding that from happening.

Ven&Radio

This dress situation is kind of bizarre.  Even though they can't get to a DB, why can't they be measured somewhere else?  They're at college -- if their schools have a fashion program or even a theatre program, I bet there's someone right at the school that could help them get their measurements.  It's also not that hard to do yourself (or with the help of a friend).  You can google how to do it pretty easily.

MairePoppy

First off, you should go by the size chart when ordering bm and bridal dresses. Those sizes are not the same as regular clothing sizes. So the size 10 was probably the equivalent of a 4 or 6. The manufacturers should use letters or color codes because so many women are hung up on number sizes. 

That was stupid of the sales person to order your sisters' prom dress sizes, without getting their measurements (again). But that could have been fixed.If your sisters don't want to be bms, that's fine, but I hope their decision wasn't based, solely, on the dress fiasco. 

delujm0

Why can't your sisters order a few sizes from davidsbridal.com and then just return the ones that don't fit?  you can't return orders from in-store, but you can return online orders via mail.

 

Also, I found that David's Bridal sizes are pretty true to any store in the mall.  I wear a 4-6 normally and i was a 4 in the most recent DB BM dress i had to wear.  Surely your sisters know what size they would be if they strolled into the Gap or something.  Have them each order that size, and one size larger, and pick the one that fits better.

 

They want you to order a bigger size because then they can make money on alterations.  Any BM dress that i've ordered without trying on first (as in everything that wasn't DB) has been at least 2-3 sizes too big when it arrived.

KD+AR

It wasn't based solely on the dress fiasco... I didn't kick them out, and how can we get them a dress off the wrack if they can't go back to be measured? If they could have gone back to get something off the wrack they could have gone back to get measured. I was totally willing to change the type of dresses they wore, I would have preferred everyone have a different style anyway if I had gotten what I wanted, but they all liked the same one.... so I let them get what they wanted. And the girl who fit in the size 8 is 5'6" and 155lbs... once again my twin sisters are 5'2" and 120lbs...with no boobs and no butt... and they couldn't afford the alterations it would have taken... and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for their dresses and their alterations.

BMoreBride6

KD+AR said:

It wasn't based solely on the dress fiasco... I didn't kick them out, and how can we get them a dress off the wrack if they can't go back to be measured? If they could have gone back to get something off the wrack they could have gone back to get measured. I was totally willing to change the type of dresses they wore, I would have preferred everyone have a different style anyway if I had gotten what I wanted, but they all liked the same one.... so I let them get what they wanted. And the girl who fit in the size 8 is 5'6" and 155lbs... once again my twin sisters are 5'2" and 120lbs...with no boobs and no butt... and they couldn't afford the alterations it would have taken... and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for their dresses and their alterations.

By off the rack she meant something from any store, not DB

ETA- I think that is what she meant, I shouldn't have spoken for someone else ; )

LondonLisa

Why don't you get your money back from DB- it was their mistake, I'm sure you will get a refund, and tell the girls to get a dress in a certain colour or shade (it looks great with the variations!). A friend did this and told us all to wear a LBD we loved and she bought us accessories in the wedding colours. We all felt great and it was something we had in our closets. I also had a friend who just had her BMs wear what ever they wanted, regardless of colour and she got them corsages to pin on their dresses. It looked great and she was just as married as you will be. 

BMs don't have to match or even wear special dresses. Don't think something as silly as a matching dresses and alterations should prevent your sisters from being in the wedding. 

artbyallie

I meant the rack at DB, but really any store will do if it's important to you to have them in the wedding. So they chose the same dress before. So fucking what? Let them get something, anything, in the right color or even in black and still be in the wedding.

I'm starting to think troll, though, with the myriad stupid excuses and failure to spell 'rack' after it was in my post.

delujm0

Again, they can order online from DB - they don't have to "be measured."  they can measure themselves or order their normal size, which i asume they know.  If they are 5'2'' and 120 pounds and small-chested, a 2 will probably fit.  they also don't need to get them altered at DB - they can go to an independent seamstress closer to them that will likely be less expensive.

 

You're saying that they can't afford their dresses or alterations...did you ask them for their budget before hand?  If their budget was zero, obviously they shouldn't have accepted a role in the bridal party, or you could have offered to pick up their tab if you really wanted them in it and could afford it.  If they had a budget and DB was just above it, you could always give them a color and they can go to the mall or TJ Maxx or whatever and buy anything that fits the bill and that is within their budget.  i don't understand why if they were allowed to pick any dress at DB they decided on one that they couldn't afford.  that doesn't make sense.

KD+AR

Oh, I asked them for a budget they said 150.00 or less before alterations... The dress we picked was 149.99 plus I had coupons for $20.00 off each dress. as much as I love my sisters they are flakes and don't like confrontation. One of my sisters told me 3 weeks before she couldn't afford it, my other sister said she would foot the bill. I told her no, i would pay for Jordan's and she could pay me back in the summer when she wasn't paying for food and stuff like that, so Jami was more than willing to pay for 2 dresses, then at the last minute when she was supposed to come over to drop off the money for her dress so I could place the order she never showed up. Didn't call or anything and because I had already put it off twice so she could get enough hours at work to pay for it I placed the order. She didn't want to deal with the situation so bad she ignored my calls and text messages for 5 weeks. It would be one thing if I had left bitchy messages being like "where is my money!??" but none of my messages were like that... like "hey hun, thought we were meeting up tonight... let me know your ok" "hey, haven't heard back from you... just making sure you alright".. I was never upset about them not affording it... I could understand, both of them are in college and didn't have a lot of money... but not telling me you can't do it was frustrating... would anyone else be frustrated with that? I never got mad though, or made them feel bad about not being able to afford the gowns, just the lack of communication. Seriously, I made it so their only job before the wedding was to show up and get measured.

artbyallie

KD+AR said:

Oh, I asked them for a budget they said 150.00 or less before alterations... The dress we picked was 149.99 plus I had coupons for $20.00 off each dress. as much as I love my sisters they are flakes and don't like confrontation. One of my sisters told me 3 weeks before she couldn't afford it, my other sister said she would foot the bill. I told her no, i would pay for Jordan's and she could pay me back in the summer when she wasn't paying for food and stuff like that, so Jami was more than willing to pay for 2 dresses, then at the last minute when she was supposed to come over to drop off the money for her dress so I could place the order she never showed up. Didn't call or anything and because I had already put it off twice so she could get enough hours at work to pay for it I placed the order. She didn't want to deal with the situation so bad she ignored my calls and text messages for 5 weeks. It would be one thing if I had left bitchy messages being like "where is my money!??" but none of my messages were like that... like "hey hun, thought we were meeting up tonight... let me know your ok" "hey, haven't heard back from you... just making sure you alright".. I was never upset about them not affording it... I could understand, both of them are in college and didn't have a lot of money... but not telling me you can't do it was frustrating... would anyone else be frustrated with that? I never got mad though, or made them feel bad about not being able to afford the gowns, just the lack of communication. Seriously, I made it so their only job before the wedding was to show up and get measured.

And they did, right? It was DB's fuck-up, according to your previous posts.

ccarwan42

I have had several issues with David's Bridal as well. I don't think it's rude to have your friends fill in your bridal party if your sisters chose to step down. In fact, I would think that loved ones would be happy to help you out for your wedding in whatever capacity they are able. Personally, I would be hurt that my sisters chose to step down

KD+AR

Thank you Ccarwan42!

I am glad someone understands at least a little... If it wasn't for David's bridal my sisters would be in the wedding. I was a little hurt, but I understood at the same time. They are in their freshman year of college and they have other priorities... like focusing on school.... At the same time...I paid for the dresses, I wasn't anticipating having to pay for those. And I couldn't afford to have them sit aside and not be used. No one can afford to pay $300 for dresses that won't be worn. And David's Bridal couldn't take a refund. I have gotten a lot of shit from brides here saying I didn't love my sisters enough to put the dresses aside, and let them get something off the rack... If they could get there to get something off the rack, they could get there to get remeasured...you know?

artbyallie

So they can't get to any other store anywhere (Dillards? Target) that sells any dresses at all? They can't pull a basic LBD out of their closet? My point is, since it's the store's fuck-up and since they are family, I would offer every other option before just kicking them out of the wedding.

KD+AR

I NEVER KICKED THEM OUT!!!! Is that all you read in everything that I posted? "I am a selfish hag who doesn't actually like my sisters so I kicked them out of the wedding." That is not what happened in the least but since apparently you only seem to take that stance on it, fine you win... I am an awful bitch... should have forced them to stay in the wedding when they would have felt out of place and uncomfortable... standing out like a sore thumb when they couldn't get the dresses everyone else was wearing, and couldn't afford to buy any other clothes as they are paying and supporting themselves through college. My bad.

Maggie0829

KD+AR said:

I NEVER KICKED THEM OUT!!!! Is that all you read in everything that I posted? "I am a selfish hag who doesn't actually like my sisters so I kicked them out of the wedding." That is not what happened in the least but since apparently you only seem to take that stance on it, fine you win... I am an awful bitch... should have forced them to stay in the wedding when they would have felt out of place and uncomfortable... standing out like a sore thumb when they couldn't get the dresses everyone else was wearing, and couldn't afford to buy any other clothes as they are paying and supporting themselves through college. My bad.

No matter if you kicked them out or they left of their own accord you still shouldn't have replaced them.  That is just mean. You should have just sold the wrong sized dresses on ebay and called it a day.

artbyallie

I haven't said you're a selfish hag or anything of the sort, but not offering a way for them to be in the wedding in whatever dress they already own after the store screwed all of you over is still tantamount to kicking them out and they may very well view it as such, even if they don't tell you. It implies (even if it's not true) that the dress and/or your wedding color is more important than the women wearing it to you.

KD+AR

I told them they could wear anything, and they expressed to me that they would feel uncomfortable standing up there in different dresses looking like irresponsible children. They were the ones who asked to step down, and encouraged me to ask the 2 friends who would have been included in the bridal party if budget had allowed. And the 2 friends understood completely... They were happy to step up and realized logistically it made sense.... and my sisters are reading in the wedding to still be included. I was heart broken with they stepped down. All I wanted for my wedding with for my family to be there and involved. My mother died when I was 16 so she isn't going to be there, my older brother was supposed to be a groomsman but he is in prison, and my twin sisters stepped down due to the dresses.... 

jessi3617

KD everyone is going to have their options take them with understanding how they see it. But all in all its your wedding and things do happen. I have 2 groomsmen back out.
1 was his brother they didn't get along every well he only had himin the wwedding bc he was in his. Well they got in a huge argument n the brother stepped down. And the other groomsmen
Family booked a vacation for him as a Christmas gift and they didn't realize the wedding was the same time and they couldn't get their money back. All in all things happen. I'm sorry your sisters can't be in the wedding but I'm glad they will be there. And you have very nice friends for stepping up.

cfh071000

I am sure you have learned a lot about how everyone thinks their opinion is the "right" opinion (no such thing) while planning your wedding.  I think the best thing to do, is know that what you and your FI think, is the only thing that matters...after all this is y'alls big day!!  It seems to me like you're a great sister that took a horrible situation and tried to make it the best you could.  It sounds like your friends and sisters all understand, so I see no problem there.  Now back to your original venting topic...the friend that called you a bridezilla.  If you are able to move on in your friendship and forget this, then that's what you should do.  However, if this is something that is always in the back of your mind when you talk to her, then you need to address it.

pinkshorts27

cfh071000 said:

I am sure you have learned a lot about how everyone thinks their opinion is the "right" opinion (no such thing) while planning your wedding.  I think the best thing to do, is know that what you and your FI think, is the only thing that matters...after all this is y'alls big day!!  It seems to me like you're a great sister that took a horrible situation and tried to make it the best you could.  It sounds like your friends and sisters all understand, so I see no problem there.  Now back to your original venting topic...the friend that called you a bridezilla.  If you are able to move on in your friendship and forget this, then that's what you should do.  However, if this is something that is always in the back of your mind when you talk to her, then you need to address it.

No, you should treat people with respect. The minute you invite other people to your wedding is ceases to be your "big day" and suddenly you need to respect your guests. I'm sick and tired of hearing the "it's your day" as an excuse to be rude to people. 

KD+AR

I Don't see this as just MY day with my Fiance... we have planned most of this wedding to accommodate everyone else. My sisters especially because they live so far away. We took everyone else's opinions and feelings into account even though no one else is paying for anything (other than my dress). Really... I want everyone to be happy. It seems that everyone is finally happy. My sisters are happy with what they are reading, my friends who stepped in loved their dresses and we finally got in the last one.... I confronted the bridezilla thing because after trying so hard to make everyone happy, the only one who wasn't was me... so now everyone is happy. I am no longer being called bridezilla by anyone... maids and sisters are happy and I am 61 days away from marrying the love of my life!