Full names or nicknames on escort cards?

dianaloveserik

Working on escort cards right now. Wondering what I should do for people who don't go by their full name, i.e. William/Bill, Robert/Bobby, Catherine/Cathy, etc. Should I use their legal name, or the name that they prefer to be called?

Thanks!!

RebeccaFlower

We went with what we called them, other than familial titles or cutesy names. 

KeptInStitches

I'd use the name they prefer to be called.

AddieCake

We used full names, but I really wanted to just go with what they are called.

AroundTheBlock

Neither!

Use their correct social name, in keeping with the formality of your party. Although business names (or, as you equally correctly call them, "legal names") correctly bear the owner's title, given name or names, and surnames; in proper social usage you choose between given names on their own; or -- with some specific technical variations -- the title standing alone with the surname.

So, if you are having a casual or less-formal wedding, refer to your guests as "Bill", "Bobby", or "Cathy". But escort cards are a rather formal thing -- you would not properly use them at an informal party. At a formal event, refer to your guests as "Mr Jones", "Mr Smith", and "Ms Brown" -- or, if you are American, put a period after each of those titles. That gets entirely around the problem of using nicknames at a formal event.

SomethingBeautiful08

How would you introduce them to one of your friends? That is kinda what you are doing as they are sometimes used as name tags. 

Jen4948

How formal is your event?  The more formal the wedding, the more formal the usage.

For the most formal events, you would say "Mr. William Smith" or "Ms. Catherine Doe" but for a more relaxed event you could say "Bill Smith" or "Cathy Doe" with their social names rather than their full legal names.  I think in that instance you can also omit titles.

But I would not say "Grandma Jones" even if you call her Grandma.  If her name is Mary Jones, then that's what you should use.  And stay away from anything really cutesy.  If a man goes casually by "Bubba" but his name is "John Wood" then I'd call him "John Wood."

phira

We're actually still trying to figure this out ourselves, for when we do invitations. Some of the calls are pretty easy: his etiquette-minded aunt gets called by her full first name on her escort card, and her invitation is to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst M. Hislast. But it's harder for people like my cousin who goes by his middle name, or his cousin who goes by a nickname (to the point where I didn't know it was a nickname).

One of the major difficulties is that my partner goes by his nickname professionally, although he responds to his legal first name (more slowly) and often fills out paperwork with his legal name. So it's hard for me to justify calling him by his nickname on all wedding-related stuff, but then using everyone's full legal names on invitations and escort cards.

erinlin25

We used full name, so even our friend Bob said "Mr. Robert Last Name" 

there is no right or wrong, just a sense of formality really.

huskypuppy14

Just make sure if you use formal names that the names are actually correct. For example I know someone who is Vicky, her name is not Victoria, her legal name is Vicky. I also know a Ricky, who is not a Richard. There are plenty of John or Jons that are not Jonathan. Be sure that you actually know the correct names for people, it's much better to use someone's nickname that they actually go by, then to guess at their formal name and be wrong.

mimiphin

AroundTheBlock said:

Neither!

Use their correct social name, in keeping with the formality of your party. Although business names (or, as you equally correctly call them, "legal names") correctly bear the owner's title, given name or names, and surnames; in proper social usage you choose between given names on their own; or -- with some specific technical variations -- the title standing alone with the surname.

So, if you are having a casual or less-formal wedding, refer to your guests as "Bill", "Bobby", or "Cathy". But escort cards are a rather formal thing -- you would not properly use them at an informal party. At a formal event, refer to your guests as "Mr Jones", "Mr Smith", and "Ms Brown" -- or, if you are American, put a period after each of those titles. That gets entirely around the problem of using nicknames at a formal event.

But at a wedding there are going to be at least 7 or 8 Mr. MaidenName's, 4 Mrs. FutureMarriedName.
I understand but going by just last names doesn't work for weddings, you need to at least include an initial.

HisGirlFriday13

We asked our guests how they wanted to be addressed for the invites and then used the same name on their escort cards.

phira

HisGirlFriday13 said:

We asked our guests how they wanted to be addressed for the invites and then used the same name on their escort cards.

Which is what I think we'll end up doing.

mysticl

mimiphin said:

AroundTheBlock said:

Neither!

Use their correct social name, in keeping with the formality of your party. Although business names (or, as you equally correctly call them, "legal names") correctly bear the owner's title, given name or names, and surnames; in proper social usage you choose between given names on their own; or -- with some specific technical variations -- the title standing alone with the surname.

So, if you are having a casual or less-formal wedding, refer to your guests as "Bill", "Bobby", or "Cathy". But escort cards are a rather formal thing -- you would not properly use them at an informal party. At a formal event, refer to your guests as "Mr Jones", "Mr Smith", and "Ms Brown" -- or, if you are American, put a period after each of those titles. That gets entirely around the problem of using nicknames at a formal event.

But at a wedding there are going to be at least 7 or 8 Mr. MaidenName's, 4 Mrs. FutureMarriedName.
I understand but going by just last names doesn't work for weddings, you need to at least include an initial.

In our case it was a ton of Mr/Mrs. Groom's mother's maiden name.  

We did names on a case by case situation. DH has an uncle that uses his nickname to the point that many people don't even realize it isn't his name. So we used that. I have an aunt who goes by a nickname 100% of the time with family. However, it isn't a nickname for her name, it's a word that isn't normally used as a name. In her case we used her given name on the escort cards.  

dianaloveserik

Thank you all for your help and advice!

Our ceremony will be formal but we're going for more of a quirky, offbeat, just plain fun reception. For example, the bridal party and my FH and I are all being introduced to dubstep songs, there are going to be glow sticks, a dance contest, social media involvement, games, nothing at the reception is going to be in fancy script font, etc. I think since the reception is going to be more "fun" than "fancy" we will go with familiar names.

One more question though. If people specifically included their first names on their response cards, should I assume they wrote those names because that's what they wanted their escort card to say and use the name that was written, then use familiar / nicknames for everyone who didn't specify? Or should I be uniform and use familiar names for everyone?

Thanks again!!!

theartistformerlyknownas

laurynm84 said:

Just make sure if you use formal names that the names are actually correct. For example I know someone who is Vicky, her name is not Victoria, her legal name is Vicky. I also know a Ricky, who is not a Richard. There are plenty of John or Jons that are not Jonathan. Be sure that you actually know the correct names for people, it's much better to use someone's nickname that they actually go by, then to guess at their formal name and be wrong.

stuck in the box.

FI's step-grandfather's given name is Adolf but he goes by Ed, and his grandfather is something-Jerome (the something was his father's name, which I forgot) but goes by Jerry because he hates both his father/father's name and the name Jerome. I was told under no uncertain terms that if I called either of them by their given names, they'd never speak to me again. So Ed and Jerry it is, tradition be damned! And yeah, we'll have at least half a dozen Mrs. FI'sLastName. I think using whichever version they called themselves on their RSVP card is a safe bet.

hikebikebemerry

mimiphin said:

AroundTheBlock said:

Neither!

Use their correct social name, in keeping with the formality of your party. Although business names (or, as you equally correctly call them, "legal names") correctly bear the owner's title, given name or names, and surnames; in proper social usage you choose between given names on their own; or -- with some specific technical variations -- the title standing alone with the surname.

So, if you are having a casual or less-formal wedding, refer to your guests as "Bill", "Bobby", or "Cathy". But escort cards are a rather formal thing -- you would not properly use them at an informal party. At a formal event, refer to your guests as "Mr Jones", "Mr Smith", and "Ms Brown" -- or, if you are American, put a period after each of those titles. That gets entirely around the problem of using nicknames at a formal event.

But at a wedding there are going to be at least 7 or 8 Mr. MaidenName's, 4 Mrs. FutureMarriedName.
I understand but going by just last names doesn't work for weddings, you need to at least include an initial.

I second this.

BUT, think about if an initial could actually help people differentiate.  In my FI's family, there are honestly 10 A. Smiths.

pipeTsquared

Lolo8383 said:

laurynm84 said:

Just make sure if you use formal names that the names are actually correct. For example I know someone who is Vicky, her name is not Victoria, her legal name is Vicky. I also know a Ricky, who is not a Richard. There are plenty of John or Jons that are not Jonathan. Be sure that you actually know the correct names for people, it's much better to use someone's nickname that they actually go by, then to guess at their formal name and be wrong.

stuck in the box.

FI's step-grandfather's given name is Adolf but he goes by Ed, and his grandfather is something-Jerome (the something was his father's name, which I forgot) but goes by Jerry because he hates both his father/father's name and the name Jerome. I was told under no uncertain terms that if I called either of them by their given names, they'd never speak to me again. So Ed and Jerry it is, tradition be damned! And yeah, we'll have at least half a dozen Mrs. FI'sLastName. I think using whichever version they called themselves on their RSVP card is a safe bet.

This - I hate my full name, I dont use it, if someone stuck it it on an invite or escort card I would be pissed off

AroundTheBlock

Actually, using the names that people use for themselves is what proper etiquette requires. Taking their name off their reply to the wedding invitation is excellent good sense on your part.

mimiphin

hikebikebemerry said:

mimiphin said:

AroundTheBlock said:

Neither!

Use their correct social name, in keeping with the formality of your party. Although business names (or, as you equally correctly call them, "legal names") correctly bear the owner's title, given name or names, and surnames; in proper social usage you choose between given names on their own; or -- with some specific technical variations -- the title standing alone with the surname.

So, if you are having a casual or less-formal wedding, refer to your guests as "Bill", "Bobby", or "Cathy". But escort cards are a rather formal thing -- you would not properly use them at an informal party. At a formal event, refer to your guests as "Mr Jones", "Mr Smith", and "Ms Brown" -- or, if you are American, put a period after each of those titles. That gets entirely around the problem of using nicknames at a formal event.

But at a wedding there are going to be at least 7 or 8 Mr. MaidenName's, 4 Mrs. FutureMarriedName.
I understand but going by just last names doesn't work for weddings, you need to at least include an initial.

I second this.

BUT, think about if an initial could actually help people differentiate.  In my FI's family, there are honestly 10 A. Smiths.

I agree, that's why I said "At least"

Cookie Pusher

FI's family is like 80% Pat/Patrick. We are so screwed for escort cards. lol