Wedding Etiquette Forum

Grooms parents paying for guest they invited.....

My fiancé's parents are paying for guest they invited and granted it is a small percentage but what are some parameters I can have with them. Do I have to give in to what their wants and needs eventhough it is "our" day. 

Budget bride

Re: Grooms parents paying for guest they invited.....

  • So they are kicking in like $50? $100? No, you don't need to give in to their wants if they are paying for ONE guest.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Jen4948
  • Guest or Guests? That could make a slight difference but if the money they are giving you is just for the hosting of that individual guest or even multiple guests that is what it is for. I would say you don't need parameters.
    KittyKaty20s-aries8990
  • I feel like we need more to this story.
    AddieCakeHisGirlFriday13Viczaesar
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    A wedding isn't an event that you can buy tickets to. If you can't afford to accommodate everyone they want to invite, and they aren't paying for the reception, then they can't just "buy tickets" for the guests they want.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
    huskypuppy14
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    You haven't given us enough information here.  Can your venue accommodate the extra guests?  If there is room, why quibble?  Have your FILS contributed towards your wedding?  If they have, then they should be allowed to invite a few friends.  If they haven't, it is still nice to let them have a few close friends on the guest list, especially since they have offered to cover the extra costs.  How does this hurt you?
    Who ever told you that it was YOUR DAY?  It isn't.  You are inviting guests, so it isn't all about YOU.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • OP - are you asking if your FIL's offer to pay for the costs of their guests gives them control over certain decisions because you are accepting money from them?  That is what I am getting from your question.

    We do still need more information here.  How many guests, who is hosting, will inviting their guests (on their dime) require you to cut the guest list?

    Hypothetical situation:  my son is getting married and his FIL's are hosting.  I would like to invite 8 friends and offer to cover the cost of their attendance.  I would not expect to be a decision maker in the events of the day because I paid for 8 guests.

    Hypothetical situation #2:  My son is getting married and he and his FI are paying for everything.   I would like to invite 8 friends and offer to cover the cost of their attendance. I would not expect to be a decision maker in the events of the day because I paid for 8 guests.

    Hypothetical situation #3:  My son is getting married and I am paying for a reasonable chunk of the wedding.  I am also asking for 8 of my friends to be invited and I will pay for them on top of my other financial contributions.  Yes, based on paying for a reasonable chunk of the wedding, I "might" want some input on the services I am paying for.

    Like I said, we need more specific information before we can help you.

  • Definitely need more info, OP. As kmmssg outlined above, there are a variety of ways to respond depending on their level of contributing.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • A wedding isn't an event that you can buy tickets to. If you can't afford to accommodate everyone they want to invite, and they aren't paying for the reception, then they can't just "buy tickets" for the guests they want.

    This is a really great way to put it!  They think that if they have money than they have the authority to "buy" a guest a seat at the wedding.  Nope not how it works.  Tell them that this is how many guests we can afford and if their guests don't fit into your budget, tell them to get over it.  Having them pay for specific people open the door to them asking for more "things" such as specific food to be served, choosing decorations and overall wanting to have too much say in the things you should be controlling.  They will most likely say to you "well I am paying for some of it..." when you say no to any other "requests" they may have.  DON"T DO IT.  I just shut down my FIL when they pulled this crap on me.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My FI and I are paying for the wedding. Our venue can hold 150 and we have 110. These people are my FI's extended family. My FIL are inviting 14 people. The reason they are paying is because it would be over our budge. 

    My question is since they are paying for "their" guests do they have to have any requests for the wedding. Hope this clarifies everything
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My FI and I are paying for the wedding. Our venue can hold 150 and we have 110. These people are my FI's extended family. My FIL are inviting 14 people. The reason they are paying is because it would be over our budge. 

    My question is since they are paying for "their" guests do they have to have any requests for the wedding. Hope this clarifies everything
    No. In this case, they are giving you money specifically to invite those 14 people, so the strings attached = invite these 14 people. If they gave you money to invite those people and then started making requests about decor or wedding party or food options, etc, then you have no obligation to cater to them.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • Agree w/ phira.  The money is tied to the 14 "tickets" and it isn't like they are covering half or even a third of the guests.  No obligation to give them a say 

    However, limited amt of listening to suggestions can be a good step towards your future relationship
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Since there's room at the venue and they're paying for it, I'd probably let them come. I don't think it's a hill to die on. But ultimately it's up to you and your family to figure out. You aren't obligated to let them invite, but at the same time it doesn't seem to be hurting anything.
    image
  • That money is just for those people, not to get a say in other aspects of the wedding, then.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    KittyKaty20
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards