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Destination Weddings

Gifts not necessary for my destination wedding

Hi, I was hoping I could get some help on how to let my guests know that their attendance is gift enough.  But also having a registry for guests who insist on getting us something anyway.  With this being a destination wedding, I'm happy enough that everyone is making the trip to join us.  Thanks, Kathy

Re: Gifts not necessary for my destination wedding

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We put a gift page on our website, where we clearly state that we do not need any gifts and their presence at our wedding, or best wishes from afar, are enough. And we just appreciate all of their love and support for this event in our lives. So, their continued love and support, along with advice to a long & happy marriage is more than enough for us. We also clarified that any gifts received at the wedding itself would be problematic, since we would have to include it in our luggage and it could be subject to duty taxes. So, if they prefer to send tangible gifts, they should be sent to our home prior to the wedding.

    Then further down the page, we have options for those people that really want to do gifts.  First, we listed a few charities that are very dear to us (we have both suffered illnesses in the past), and said that we have been so fortunate in our lives, but we know that not everyone has the love and support that we have had to help us overcome those difficult times in our lives.  So, we would be thrilled if guests would donate, in honor of our wedding, to these charities if they wished to rather than provide us a gift, because there are people that could use it a lot more than we could right now.

    Then, after that, we have a couple of traditional gift registries listed, for the people that would rather provide tangible gifts. We kept these registries to a minimum though. First, we had trouble thinking of things we need to put on the lists.  But, it also seemed weird to say no gifts needed, then give a long list of gifts to buy us.

    We also have informed our closest family that gifts aren't needed, so they can spread the word if anyone asks.

    image 

    ktaschler1shelikespink
  • We also had a destination wedding and did not want our guests to spend additional money on gifts above what they were spending on travel and accommodations. We did not create a registry and when asked, we told people that we were not registered. I also did not have a bridal shower. If pushed, we said we were just happy people were able to attend and left it at that. If you want to create a registry, that is fine but you are not obligated to do so.  We still had very generous friends who choose to get us gifts and mail the gifts to our home rather than pack them for travel. The only physical gifts we received at our destination wedding in Mexico were cards with checks. We had some friends mail us checks which was nice but certainly not expected or necessary and some people did not give us any physical gifts at all. I think most people will figure out how much they are spending to attend and decide from there if they are able to give a gift or not. Honestly, the best gift is their attendance at your wedding. 
    Visit The Knot!
    shelikespink
  • Thanks ladies, both responses were lots of help. Like you said nicoann, theres a thin line between telling people you don't want gifts and then making a long registry. And of cousre word of mouth is key.  Thanks again, greatly appreciated!!!
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We originally weren't going to do a registry at all.  The only reason I did the registry in the first place was because we had some relatives that aren't able to make it to the wedding and started pestering about a registry so they could buy us gifts. The line of "your presence at our wedding is enough" only works on people that can actually attend the wedding.  For those that aren't able to make it, some will still want to commemorate the event and show their support by sending gifts.  And I figured that if they were going to buy us gifts anyway, that we might as well give them a few ideas so we get things we can actually use rather than a bunch of things we don't need or have to return.

    I also hasn't planned on having any showers, but my mom & sister really want to throw me a shower back in my home town, especially since NONE of my extended family is able to come to my wedding.  Several relatives were already asking them when my shower was going to be and they thought it was a good way for those relatives to still feel included and show their support. So, I finally gave in on that one, too.  Of course, I'll have to figure out how to get any shower gifts home afterward (2,000 miles away). :/ 

    So, although we were originally dead set on the NO GIFTS stance, we've had people make us realize that the gifts aren't all about us.  Some people will feel obligated to give gifts regardless or will want to give gifts just to show their support, especially if they don't attend the wedding.  So, you will always get some people that will give you gifts, even if you don't want them.

    image 

    cheshyreshan
  • We created a very small registry (10 items or so), and we didn't put it on our wedding site or put it with invites, nor have a shower.   If anyone asked, we just let them know that it was a lot to ask of anyone to attend, so we weren't asking for any gifts.  And then if anyone was intently searching, they could find our registry, but we didn't direct anyone there. 
    KrisLSmiley
  • I'm having a similar problem. I would like to make the effort toward no gifts, or cards. How do you politely ask people not to purchase large gifts so we don't have to carry anything on the plane? I will already be over the limit for suitcases, because I'm moving immediately after the wedding.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I'm having a similar problem. I would like to make the effort toward no gifts, or cards. How do you politely ask people not to purchase large gifts so we don't have to carry anything on the plane? I will already be over the limit for suitcases, because I'm moving immediately after the wedding.
    Don't make any gift registries. Usually that will get the point across that you don't want tangible gifts. And if people ask, just tell them that large gifts would be inconvenient for you with traveling and moving. And you can have friends/family relay it via word of mouth.

    image 

  • I'm glad someone else asked this question because I was having a hard time with this as well. I have told many people by word of mouth that we are just happy people are coming and do not want wedding gitfs. The only thing I am having a hard time with is registering because although I felt uncomfortable having a bridal shower my friends/mom/aunt/MIL really want me to have one and have insisted they are throwing me one.

    So do I register for the shower and then take it down when the shower is over? Do I not register for the shower?

  • If you have a shower, then you should register. The point of a shower is to give you gifts, and otherwse you may end up with a lot of stuff to return/exchange/mail back/etc. I guess you could hide it after that, but if you had a registry, then hide it, be prepared for lots of questions, such as "where did your registry go." When that happens you can simply state that you'd prefer no gifts for the wedding, and leave it at that.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • If you have a shower, then you should register. The point of a shower is to give you gifts, and otherwse you may end up with a lot of stuff to return/exchange/mail back/etc. I guess you could hide it after that, but if you had a registry, then hide it, be prepared for lots of questions, such as "where did your registry go." When that happens you can simply state that you'd prefer no gifts for the wedding, and leave it at that.

    This. Good call.
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