Inviting coworkers in a small office: Is it an "all or none" scenario?

excessivemess

I have seen a lot of discussions about coworkers on guest lists, but I have a very particular dilemma: I work closely with four other women in an office environment. I know all of my coworkers very well. Two of them I would love to invite; one I'm indifferent about; and one I don't particularly want at my wedding. They all know when my wedding is, so there's no way they won't know if they're not invited. So my question is: Do I have to invite all or none of them, or is there a way to invite only the two I actually want there without making my office life hell?

huskypuppy14

Invite the people you socialize with outside of work- the people you consider friends. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite someone just because you work with them, and likewise you shouldn't not invite a friend of yours because you happen to work with them.

ETA: In your situation I would invite the 2 you are close to, and leave it at that.

SomethingBeautiful08

Do you see the people you like socially? i.e do you go out with them separately outside of work? If you do I think it would make sense to just invite them and even if feelings are a bit hurt they probably know that you guys are otherwise friends.  If you don't, then I think this would be an "all or none" situation. 

abbyj700

I know this feeling. I work in an office with like 5 people. But then we have other people coming in and out to consult, who are clients, etc. I struggled with if it was okay to invite 3 my 5 full time co-workers. And ya know what? I'm inviting who I want to. Makes it a little easier that I work with men and they won't be crushed if they aren't invited. Do what's best for you and yours.

indianaalum

This is my new way to look at it.

If you invite them all but only ONE of them shows up, would you want that individual person to attend your wedding? Also, would you be willing to hang out with THAT person alone outside of your wedding?

Do that scenario for each of the people.  I hope that make sense. 

If the answer is "no", don't invite them to your wedding.

 

cruffino

I was in the same boat. I work closely with 4 people, 2 I'm close to, 1 I'm indifferent about and 1 I don't care for. In my situation I felt it right to invite them all.

The 2 I'm close to attended and the other 2 declined. It was all good. We continue to have a great working relationship.

Jen4948

I'd limit invitations to those co-workers you have social relationships with outside of work.  If that doesn't include all your co-workers, then don't talk about your wedding at work.

lc07

I don't think etiquette dictates that you need to invite all of them but the truth of the matter is that you will have to go to work every day and interact with these people moving forward. In my personal opinion, in an office that small, it's all or nothing.

mbross3

I would say that in such a small office, and if you work with all 4 regularly, it would probably be best to invite all of them. If you invited 2 or 3 of the 4, the others may feel left out and have hurt feelings/make working a little uncomfortable/awkward. That is just my opinion and definitely what I would do in that situation.

If the other two aren't close to you, they will likely decline the invitation. Even if they accept, you will probably only see them for a few minutes during your wedding. I'm sure the invite would be appreciated. I would do all/none in this situation. However, as PP have said, I don't think there are any specific etiquette rules about this situation so I don't think you would be wrong for just inviting 2 if that's what you decide to do.

bmydesigner

I work in an office of 10 people. I only see two of them outside of work / have a close relationship with them, and those are the two I'm inviting. Just try to avoid any wedding talk in the office from now on. That way the others will hopefully not be so offended when they're not invited.

pegasuskat

  If it was me I would invite them all, even if I was hoping 2 wouldn't show, I still would.  The wedding is just one day, you really won't even notice them there.  BUT, you have to work with them everyday, and it will hurt their feeling.  It wouldn't be worth it to cause awkwardness in the office to me.

Marzipan13

I'm in the same boat - I'll be inviting the 4 coworkers that I get along with / hang out with outside of work.  (The rest of them - about 10 - are nosy and catty, and will not be invited.)  In the thread I posted about my situation, I was given the advice that I might want to ask those 4 (outside of work) to refrain from talking about my wedding at work, so that it doesn't cause any trouble.

melbenso

I work in a small office, and while I would have liked to invite all of my coworkers to my wedding, it just wasn't in my budget.  Initially, I felt really guilty about only inviting some of my coworkers.  Basically, I had to change the way I thought about it.  I will be inviting 2 of my current coworkers to my wedding (one of whom works in my office with me now, one works in another office within my company).  But each of those people is someone that I am friends with outside of work.  So, if you are only inviting some of your coworkers, stop thinking of them as coworkers.  They are friends who you just happen to know through work.

As an aside, I do not talk about my wedding at the office.  I answer questions briefly when someone asks me, but I never bring it up to anyone. Usually, the questions are just "How is the wedding planning going?" My usual answer is "fine, thanks," and I leave it at that.  I haven't heard anyone say anything that was hinting at an invite.

AddieCake

In an office that small, I would do all or none. We didn't invite family members we aren't close to, and I generally advocate for only inviting people you want there, but we also didn't have to see those family members every day in a small environment. Work politics can be tricky, and I would hate to see you end up having awkward days in the future.

abbyj700

prettybirdy27 said:

I work on a team of about 10 people and we all interact quite a bit.  I only wanted to invite 6 - the ones I socialize withoutside of work - so I did.  I kept it quiet as much as possible, sent their invites to their homes instead of handing them out at work, and tried to cap wedding talk at work.  Of course, sooner or later, the people that aren't invited WILL figure it out and some feelings may be hurt - there was one woman that took it really badly in my office.  I still feel bad that their feelings were hurt, but I don't feel bad that I didn't invite them.  I was told that one woman waited until I was on lunch one day and then walked around and asked everyone if they were invited or not, and if they were, she would snap back "Well SOME of us weren't."  She reached my boss, who was invited, and said that to him - he snapped back with "Well SOME of us were!" which finally got her to shut up.

So just be prepared, if you don't choose to invite everyone, the people that weren't invited will 100% guaranteed figure out they weren't invited and you may have to deal with hurt feelings.  and absolutely don't hand out invites at work, and keep wedding talk out of the workplace.

WOW!

I at least know that my decision not to invite everyone won't turn into something like this. If anything the guys might poke around at me telling me that they "feel so insulted" and then laugh and let me know how happy they are for me and that they understand we have to draw lines on who we invite. I can't even imagine anyone in my life who might pull something like this! 

bridetobemnm07

I had the same dilemma. I only invited the ones I'm close with. I don't feel like you should invite someone you really don't care to have there. You have to draw the line somewhere. It's your day. Invite who you want.

excessivemess

Thanks for all the feedback! Still undecided, but good to know I'm not the only one in this boat!

Regarding the person I don't want to invite ... the reason I don't particularly like her is because she is a selfish mooch. Case in point: We did an office Secret Santa, and she gave me musical wreath hanger. Bad enough on its own, but to top it off, it was COVERED in dust and in a taped-up box. I am dreading seeing what she digs out of her basement to give as a wedding gift.

Also: She told me the other day that she "hopes she still gets an invite if she quits," because she's job hunting. Mind you, I NEVER said she was invited. She also asked if I have any single relatives...