Chit Chat

Eh, just looking for some courage. *UPDATE*

pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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edited March 2014 in Chit Chat
So I asked my bridesmaids and I'm thrilled that all said yes. I love my girls, but when I list my friends it really goes: MOH, best guy friend, rest of bridesmaids (no offense to anyone, just who I'm closest too). I didn't ask my best guy friend because my parents were against it and are paying for my wedding. I feel terrible. I want him next to me, though he might not want to be (he might think it is odd), but his friendship means so much to me that I want to give him the option. It isn't my fault he doesn't happen to be a girl. 

My dad is coming into town tonight and we are going out to dinner. I'm going to ask him to reconsider being against it. I really really really don't care how "weird" it is (I know it isn't, but my parents are super old fashioned). Here is to hoping my dad sees reason. We generally see eye-to-eye and my parents are pretty hands-off since I turned 18, so I was surprised they cared. And this is the first that I've really had to stand up to them about since they are usually "do what you want".

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Re: Eh, just looking for some courage. *UPDATE*

  • Hmmm.  Maybe if you explain to your dad just how you explained it on here he will understand that you just cherish your friend that much and dont think that it should be such a big deal. Are they worried about what other people might think? Another option could be to ask you FI if your best friend can be one of his grooms men? My FI has a girl best friend since childhood and I am having her be in my bridal party because I know how much that means to him.
    pinkshorts27
  • So I'm long distance with FI right now, so my guy friend has really only met him a few times. I just think that would be awkward.  Something to think about though. I really don't think it should be a big deal. I should be able to have who I want and this friend is really my closest friend in graduate school. 

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  • I hope your dad can understand. Let us know how it goes!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    pinkshorts27
  • phiraphira member
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    If your parents say absolutely not, I would consider asking your fiance to ask your friend to be a groomsman. I agree that your fiance shouldn't have to have your friend as his groomsman, since your friend isn't his nearest and dearest. And I wouldn't pressure him if he said no. But this, to me, is a special circumstance: you WOULD be asking your friend to be a bridesman except funding relies on pleasing your parents.

    If your parents say no, and your fiance says no, I'd ask him to be a reader.
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    pinkshorts27
  • lc07lc07 member
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    I'm sorry but this is really fucked up. Why on earth would anyone care about the gender of someone standing near you while you get married. I hope the conversation goes well for you, OP. Perhaps finding articles on the web about how this is the norm now may help them feel more comfortable with it. If not, this would probably be a deal breaker for me in accepting money from my parents for the wedding.

    When they expressed being against it was it an ultimatum regarding money? It's fine if they don't LIKE it but it's another thing if they are telling you that you cannot do this.
    pinkshorts27
  • I really hope your parents come through. Is there a specific reason why they don't want him standing there? I can see my parents having an issue with it because they have a very traditionalist view on things. Females should only be friends with females, males with males. They have always placed gender barriers. But in this case I would definitely stand up to them and try to make them see things my way. Maybe you can show them some pictures so that they see it is really not as weird as they think? And let them know how much your friend means to you. Friends come in all shapes, sizes, colors, nationalities, and genders.
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    pinkshorts27
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014
    I want to point out that I phrased it wrong, that my parents never said "If you do this you don't get money". They just sort of dismissed it and laughed and said that it would be ridiculous. Apparently they thought he would feel uncomfortable and that I was calling him a girl? They are very okay with most things, I just think they get stuck in their bubble.

    So my parents have never cared who I'm friends with, they know he is currently one of my closest friends. They know that growing up most of my friends were guys. My dad has himself convinced that he is protecting my guy friend. It is silly. But I convinced my dad that I'm going to let my guy friend choose which side he wants to stand on. That way my friend would feel comfortable and my dad isn't in "protector" mode anymore.  I don't know. It is silly.  But if that is what it takes, it is all good. I'm really close with this guy, so I just have to ask him to be in the bridal party, apologize for being silly and say I would love for him to be on my side, but if he feel more comfortable he could stand on FI's side or do a reading instead.  He is pretty quiet (around my family) so I can sort of see why my dad may get ideas that he would be uncomfortable, but he is really outgoing with me and he understand me so he will totally know that I don't mean anything by it and that I want him to be comfortable.  

    Whatever he chooses I will be getting him a gift and take some nice pro pics with him and so I guess it works out.  (Also FI apparently adores him, probably because I do and FI is so much more easy going than I am, so FI was cool with this plan).

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    lc07
  • AddieL73
    Posted an update. But wanted to add that I felt like I had my invisible army behind me that made the convo easier for me :) Thanks

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  • lc07lc07 member
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    I'm glad your dinner date went so well and that you were able to come to a conclusion that makes you feel happy and comfortable. Regardless of what your male friend decides is best I'm sure he will be honored that you care for him so much to give him a place of honor in your wedding.
    pinkshorts27
  • phiraphira member
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    Thanks for the update! :D
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    pinkshorts27
  • Yay! I have 5 guys standing on my side so I feel ya :)
    pinkshorts27
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