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New Years Eve Wedding 2014

Hi everyone!!
This is my first time posting on this website, very excited to be making wedding plans :)
I am from North Carolina, getting married this NYE!! I know it falls on a Wednesday but I really don't care. Sorry if that comes off as rude, I don't mean for it to! Its just that the people who mean the most to us will be able to make it, and after that anyone in attendance can only add to the fun! The next day is a national holiday, our student siblings and teacher friends don't have conflicts, and our out-of-towners will now be in town for the holidays. Right now it sounds like a win-win situation, but I will let you know when things start to blow up in my face haha
I mostly have questions about the reception--Chris and I are having a relatively small wedding (largely due to the fact that my church is small && my family is enormous--its a gift and a curse!) and having a big party for a reception where we can invite a lot more of our friends, dance the night away, eat drink && be married :) as of now we are thinking 7:00 candlelight ceremony, reception from 8-??
 (1) What time should the reception end? Obviously we want to ring in the new year with everyone & have a blast, should Chris and I depart shortly after the countdown and let our guests boogey on down a little longer? Should we do the whole sparkler exit around 12:30 and our guests follow behind, leaving the place totally empty by 1am? Time and space rental is not an issue, we have the place as long as we like. 
 (2) Do you think asking people to stay until midnight or longer will be an issue? If it were me personally and I were invited to a NYE party and staying for the countdown was not an option, I would be a little disappointed. But hey, not everyone thinks like me. I don't want my guests to feel exhausted and obligated to stay.
 (3) Showers and engagement parties--> I know anyone you invite to a shower should be invited to the wedding. What if they are only being invited to the reception? There are many people I would love to have at the wedding but there simply isn't space, so they are being invited to the reception. No cash bar, no paying for anything, just a good fun time. Is it acceptable to invite someone to a shower or engagement party if I know they will probably only be invited to the reception?

Thanks for your help!! I will probably come up with some more questions soon :)

Re: New Years Eve Wedding 2014

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    Hi everyone!!
    This is my first time posting on this website, very excited to be making wedding plans :)
    I am from North Carolina, getting married this NYE!! I know it falls on a Wednesday but I really don't care. Sorry if that comes off as rude, I don't mean for it to! Its just that the people who mean the most to us will be able to make it, and after that anyone in attendance can only add to the fun! The next day is a national holiday, our student siblings and teacher friends don't have conflicts, and our out-of-towners will now be in town for the holidays. Right now it sounds like a win-win situation, but I will let you know when things start to blow up in my face haha
    I mostly have questions about the reception--Chris and I are having a relatively small wedding (largely due to the fact that my church is small && my family is enormous--its a gift and a curse!) and having a big party for a reception where we can invite a lot more of our friends, dance the night away, eat drink && be married :) as of now we are thinking 7:00 candlelight ceremony, reception from 8-??
     (1) What time should the reception end? Obviously we want to ring in the new year with everyone & have a blast, should Chris and I depart shortly after the countdown and let our guests boogey on down a little longer? Should we do the whole sparkler exit around 12:30 and our guests follow behind, leaving the place totally empty by 1am? Time and space rental is not an issue, we have the place as long as we like. 
     (2) Do you think asking people to stay until midnight or longer will be an issue? If it were me personally and I were invited to a NYE party and staying for the countdown was not an option, I would be a little disappointed. But hey, not everyone thinks like me. I don't want my guests to feel exhausted and obligated to stay.
     (3) Showers and engagement parties--> I know anyone you invite to a shower should be invited to the wedding. What if they are only being invited to the reception? There are many people I would love to have at the wedding but there simply isn't space, so they are being invited to the reception. No cash bar, no paying for anything, just a good fun time. Is it acceptable to invite someone to a shower or engagement party if I know they will probably only be invited to the reception?

    Thanks for your help!! I will probably come up with some more questions soon :)

    It's rude to only invite people to the reception unless the ceremony guest list is TINY (like 15 people) and not to the ceremony. Yes, it would also be rude to invite them to pre wedding parties and only invite them to the reception.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Please don't have a tiered wedding.  As Addie mentions, if you want to have a small ceremony, it truly needs to be small.  Like parents and siblings only.  

    Otherwise you're going to have people feel like they're good enough to come to the reception and bring a gift but not good enough to see your actual ceremony.  Or you'll Aunt Sue feeling hurt and offended that Aunt Mary was invited to the ceremony but not her.
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    are you dead set on the church ceremony? Could you have the ceremony at the reception place so everyone invited can actually see you get married?  I am not a fan on the tiered weddings and think if you go that route the ceremony needs to be truly private (parents, siblings, maybe close friends, etc..no big wedding party, etc).

    as for time, most people plan on NYE weddings to go past midnight. I think doing the ball drop and then closing things up around 12:30 or 1 is the best option.  Some people might leave early, but for the most part people plan to stay out late when they choose to go to NYE parties. I personally think a NYE would be a lot of fun--but I would be super disapointed if I was not invited to your wedding ceremony.  However, I would understand if it was a small private ceremony and then you better host the crap out of your guests all night long!
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    Anniversary
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     (1) What time should the reception end? Obviously we want to ring in the new year with everyone & have a blast, should Chris and I depart shortly after the countdown and let our guests boogey on down a little longer? Should we do the whole sparkler exit around 12:30 and our guests follow behind, leaving the place totally empty by 1am? Time and space rental is not an issue, we have the place as long as we like.     If you start at 8 I would say 1pm is a good time.   5 hours.   Most people I know leave when the couple leaves.  
     (2) Do you think asking people to stay until midnight or longer will be an issue? If it were me personally and I were invited to a NYE party and staying for the countdown was not an option, I would be a little disappointed. But hey, not everyone thinks like me. I don't want my guests to feel exhausted and obligated to stay.   Weddings I attend run 4-5 hours.  Starting at 8, 12 is 4 hours.  I think you will be fine.  Some of the older folks might have issues, but overall you should be okay.

     (3) Showers and engagement parties--> I know anyone you invite to a shower should be invited to the wedding. What if they are only being invited to the reception? There are many people I would love to have at the wedding but there simply isn't space, so they are being invited to the reception. No cash bar, no paying for anything, just a good fun time. Is it acceptable to invite someone to a shower or engagement party if I know they will probably only be invited to the reception?   I would limit it just those invited to both the ceremony and reception.   Family dynamics might come into play here though.   Meaning if I personally would not be upset being invited to the shower and reception and not the ceremony.  I would be pissed if I was invited to the shower and nothing else.

    There is nothing wrong with a small private ceremony and larger reception.  Especially when you are talking about special circumstances like a personal church or in the case of Mormons non-members can't attend. Key word is small.     10% max of 20% should be invited to the ceremony.   Anymore than that and people will be less understanding of why they were excluded from the ceremony.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    OP, I think PP have covered it. I have been to a NYE wedding and it was really fun. However, realise that vendors charge through the roof for NYE events, so just be prepared for that.

     The main flaw with your plan is that you cannot invite people to the reception without a ceremony invite unless it is truly a private ceremony (as others have said immediate family only such as parents and siblings only, no aunts, cousins etc) This must be less than 10% of the reception attendees.

    Is it not possible to find a bigger church or get married at your reception venue? If you are having a truly private ceremony, I would not invite people to a shower or bachelorette that are not able to witness you getting married. It says "you are important enough to buy me a gift but not important enough to witness my marriage" which seems hurtful. 
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014

    The ceremony and reception are one event and should only have one guest list. You need to find a bigger church or cut your guest list down. So yes it is rude to invite someone to your shower and not the ceremony. Basically you are saying you are a good enough friend to bring my a gift but not to actually celebrate the whole day with us.

    If its a NYE wedding, I dont think it should end before 1am. But its personal preference what kind of exit you do or if you stay until the last minute.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    KatWAG said:

    The ceremony and reception are one event and should only have one guest list. You need to find a bigger church or cut your guest list down. So yes it is rude to invite someone to your shower and not the ceremony. Basically you are saying you are a good enough friend to bring my a gift but not to actually celebrate the whole day with us.

    If its a NYE wedding, I dont think it should end before 1am. But its personal preference what kind of exit you do or if you stay until the last minute.

    Most couples spend way more in hosting their guests than they get in return for a gift, so I don't always by that line.

    Even as a non-religious person I can understand wanting to get married in a certain church that has meaning to the couple.   

    If she keeps her guest list down to immediate family then she should be good.  If she plans on filling up the church and leaving a 1/3 of the guest list not able to be invited to the ceremony then she might have problems.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Hey everyone, thanks for your helpful responses!
    --I definitely wouldn't DREAM of inviting someone to a shower without including them in some way on the wedding day. I just wasn't sure if being included only in the reception was enough.
    --Here's why I'm having such trouble: Chris and I have been dating since high school, we are from the same very small rural town; a community where everyone knows & loves everyone! There are so many people that we really want to include. They aren't family members, they aren't necessarily our best friends that we see every week, but they are important to us and we want them to be there to celebrate with us. In addition to both of our families having many close friends in the community, my family is HUGE. So to keep our wedding very very small, immediate family only, I'm still looking at 60 people. So that 10-20% thing is out the window. I suppose we could get married at a different church, perhaps the one my parents were married in, but I was really looking forward to the quaintness and closeness of my church. Also I'm not sure if this makes a difference in your thoughts, but the individuals I am thinking of only inviting to the reception would be extended family members (dad's aunts and 2nd cousins, etc.). They were so upset when they were not invited to my cousin's wedding last year, so I would love to include them but once again there are SO MANY of them!! There is simply no room in my church. So its either invite them to the reception, or change my venue so that ~30 people I see maybe once a year won't feel left out. 

    --here's another question I have for you! See, if I knew in advance who couldn't make it to the wedding, I would be able to invite everyone to both without a problem. Now obviously just inviting everyone from the get go would be unwise, don't want to pack the church full or run out of room. My church's max capacity is 190, we have nearly 300 people on a list right now for ceremony and/or reception--not set in stone, will continue to add/take away names for a while now. How many people typically decline a wedding invite?? Any special considerations since it is NYE (i.e. will more people probably come or less people because they have plans)?? 
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    Hey everyone, thanks for your helpful responses!
    --I definitely wouldn't DREAM of inviting someone to a shower without including them in some way on the wedding day. I just wasn't sure if being included only in the reception was enough.
    --Here's why I'm having such trouble: Chris and I have been dating since high school, we are from the same very small rural town; a community where everyone knows & loves everyone! There are so many people that we really want to include. They aren't family members, they aren't necessarily our best friends that we see every week, but they are important to us and we want them to be there to celebrate with us. In addition to both of our families having many close friends in the community, my family is HUGE. So to keep our wedding very very small, immediate family only, I'm still looking at 60 people. So that 10-20% thing is out the window. I suppose we could get married at a different church, perhaps the one my parents were married in, but I was really looking forward to the quaintness and closeness of my church. Also I'm not sure if this makes a difference in your thoughts, but the individuals I am thinking of only inviting to the reception would be extended family members (dad's aunts and 2nd cousins, etc.). They were so upset when they were not invited to my cousin's wedding last year, so I would love to include them but once again there are SO MANY of them!! There is simply no room in my church. So its either invite them to the reception, or change my venue so that ~30 people I see maybe once a year won't feel left out. 

    --here's another question I have for you! See, if I knew in advance who couldn't make it to the wedding, I would be able to invite everyone to both without a problem. Now obviously just inviting everyone from the get go would be unwise, don't want to pack the church full or run out of room. My church's max capacity is 190, we have nearly 300 people on a list right now for ceremony and/or reception--not set in stone, will continue to add/take away names for a while now. How many people typically decline a wedding invite?? Any special considerations since it is NYE (i.e. will more people probably come or less people because they have plans)?? 


    Please excuse the random order that i answer your questions.

    If your church can hold 190 people, then you can only invite 190 people to your ceremony and reception. ALWAYS plan for 100% attendance.

    It is within etiquette rules to have a small, private family ceremony and then a larger reception. (FWIW, i completely understand large families, my father in law is one for nine. To invite all his sibling and their children was 80 people. And that didnt even include their children's children.) The small, private ceremony has to be immediate family only so parents, siblings and SOs, and grandparents. No one else because then you get into a grey area.

    And I understand that you want to include everyone in your wedding. But getting married means you have to make some tough decisions. Is it more important to you to have everyone invited/ attend? Or is it more important to get married at the smaller church?

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    Ditto Kat. You're going to have to make some choices here.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    20% of 300 is 60.  So if you kept it to that number you could be okay.


    That said, I like the following options better:

    Move the ceremony to the church your parents got married 

    or 

    Only invite 190 people.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    @lyndausvi where does the 10-20% of the guest list come from?!?  I've only heard about hard numbers, like between 10-20 total guests for a private ceremony.
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    but i don't want to choose... :( haha sorry, whining moment. 
    Yeah, I think I am just going to have to sit down with Chris and our parents, open a few drinks and get this list nonsense done. If there are people we simply cannot get married without, we will change churches. Its both or neither.
    Thank you all so much, you've been a big help! The biggest obstacle so far has definitely been tackling the etiquette. 
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    I don't like hard numbers, I don't think they are realistic. 10 people would be my siblings/SO's and parents and not one of DH's family invited. If we invited just DH and my immediate families we are still over 20 people. If the Duggars, for example, only invited their siblings it would be over 20 people and that doesn't even include their own parents or the person they married's family. See what I mean? 

    Personally, I think immediate family plus 1-2 friends regardless of the hard number is more realistic way of figuring out what is a private ceremony. However, if your immediate family equals 20 and your total guest list is 40 then there is also going to be a problem. 

    So in the opinion of lyndausvi (take my advice with a grain of salt) a private ceremony should include your immediate family, but not equal more than 20% of your guest. People, in general, are more understanding of concept of immediate family only or being part of the 80-90%. 

     **note people define immediate family differently. Me? parents, grandparents, siblings/so and maybe nieces/nephews. DH's family would never dream of excluding MIL's first cousins and their adult kids as they see and/or speak to each other multiple times a day. They are closer than a lot of siblings.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Note to the OP- when previous posters were referring to immediate family-only private ceremony, that usually means parents and siblings, maybe grandparents, only (especially if you have a large family). Once you add Aunts, Uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc it gets dodgy. 

    And also to clairify, I meant that anyone invited to your bachelorette/ shower MUST be invited to your ceremony AND reception. 

    From what you have said your options are:
    1.) Invite the maximum amount the small church holds to your ceremony and reception. (let's say your small church holds 100 people, you only invite 100 people at your wedding- no "reception only" invites)
    2.) You find a bigger church and invite your full 190 person list to both the ceremony and reception
    3.) You get married in a private ceremony with your grandparents, parents, and siblings and their SOs ONLY. You said you have 60 immediate family, but I am assuming you are including uncles/nieces etc, unless you are both one of 10-15 children (how many siblings do you each have)! Invite 190 people to your wedding celebration. 

    The problem with private ceremonies is if you start saying to yourself "I HAVE to Aunt Mary there" or "I can't get married without Cousin John" I think that is your answer and you need to either cut your guest list or find a bigger church. 
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