My father has not talked to me in a month. He is not coming to the wedding, and I have made peace with that. I cannot change him, so there is no need to dwell on it. Yesterday, he posts a meme on my facebook page with Phil Robertson saying that just because you disagree with someone, doesn't mean you don't love them. This really rubbed me the wrong way. When he refused to attend the wedding, he told me not to talk about our situation to my FIs family so they aren't biased against him. I told him I would make a good excuse why he wasn't coming, so he could save some face. When I asked my Grandpa to walk me down the aisle, my grandpa was PISSED that my father was not coming to the wedding. I took the high road and told my Grandpa not to be mad at my father... there are two sides to every story. I told my grandpa that my dad and I aren't seeing eye to eye, and I didn't think we would make amends before the wedding. He calmed down and just focused on attending my wedding instead of my father's involvement or lack, thereof.
I am so irritated that after taking the high road my father is goading me on a facebook, trying to make ME look bad to everyone. I told him that you can disagree with someone and still love them. But I didn't think not showing up for my graduation, refusing to see me for Christmas, or not attending my wedding was loving behavior. Disagreeing is disagreeing. But if you have a disagreement with someone and you punish them, not only is it not loving... it is very controlling. I left it up for half a second on facebook, and decided to delete it. I usually never stoop to that level, but I was so angered that he is trying to make me look like I am the cruel one, and he is just a loving dad and has no idea why I am so heartless. I deleted the whole post with my comment. No matter what he does, it does not give me the right to forget my convictions and abandon good manners.
We messaged back and forth for a while. It was as productive as sucking cement through a straw. Today, I almost had the urge to send him another message, but I came to my senses. I have stopped messaged him. He will never get it. I know it in my heart that nothing I say will ever change him. Sometimes, I just get good and mad, and forget all that I know and try to share with him how I feel. . Lol. What good does it do except to raise my blood pressure? I was thinking about taking the high road and inviting him to my bridal shower and to the wedding anyway, but now I am not sure.
I am thinking about just blocking him forever on facebook, so he can no longer start crap with me. I was also thinking about no longer having him in my life, if he does not come to the wedding. People have cut me out of their lives a lot. I have yet to do it to anyone else. I just don't think there is much someone could do to make me hate them that much. But I have to say, not going to my graduation, refusing to see me for Christmas (telling me if I went to my brothers to see him, he would go back home), and not attending my wedding, is ample reason to cut a person from your life. He only hurts me. I know that FI and I are going to have children, someday. And I would hate to be that person to keep my kids away from family, but he is just so hurtful. I would hate for him to continue that cycle with our children, I would never give him an ultimatum (show up to the wedding, or else), because if that's what it takes to get him to do something, I don't want it. His attendance wouldn't be heartfelt; it would just be a facade. I just needed to vent. I have been feeling much better since yesterday. My dad was going off on me all day... and I had NO WINE in the house! Stupid Muffinman, always stock your wine hutch before a conversation with the dad! Today, I had a belated glass of red wine. It tasted like giving nonefucks... it was delicious.