Sending invites out 12 weeks early?

stategirl85

I am having an OOT wedding (5 hours away) in which neither FI, I, or any of our guests live in the area where our wedding will be held. (Kinda decided to do a destination wedding without being too far from home). We have a block of rooms reserved at our resort, however when looking through the paperwork on Sunday we noticed that it states that rooms will be released from the block 8 weeks prior to our wedding date. Now, I know that just because the rooms are released from our block does not mean that our guests cannot still get our discount but I am worried about the venue booking up and people not being able to stay at the resort. It is a big resort, multiple hotels at different price points, along with condos that are available for rent, but if the resort fills up there really isn't another option for the guests in the surrounding area. Since everyone attending the wedding will be from OOT I know that everyone will need a place to stay. 

I know that traditionally invites should be sent out 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding but I was contemplating sending ours out 12 weeks prior. Along with the invitations I was planning to send resort information and highlighting the fact that the rooms get released 8 weeks prior. I would not make my rsvp an earlier, just want to give everyone a heads up that if they plan on coming they should contact the resort in order to make sure they get a room in the block. Thoughts? Is this too early? 

JellyBean52513

My advice might not be the "proper" response, but I'd say go ahead and send the invites. If something is that OOT for me, I need at least a month to request off work. I also need some time to save up for that trip (gas/travel money, spending money, etc.) due to the nature of my pay periods. Knowing that I'm going to be taking a trip a couple of months in advance gives me time to do all of that, and knowing I've gotten the lodging out of the way is helpful. Then again, this is just for me. I have no idea what your guests' situations are.

Sars06

I think this is a fairly common issue. Our hotel has the same policy. If you are sending save the dates, you can include the hotel information with your save the date.

Or you can just call/email your guests individually and let them know about the room block. This is what we did.

delujm0

Did you send save the dates?  If so, and if you had yor website address on there so that the guests could see the hotel information, you don't need to send them so early.

 

however, i have been annoyed before about calling to book a hotel room the day an invitaton arrived and being told that the block pricing was no longer available.  i would email the VIPs about it and then send the invites 9-10 weeks out - that would give people time to book if they are on top of it.  i'm sending my invitations at 9 weeks because at the 8 week mark i will be out of the country on a two week vacation, so that just made sense (90% of our guests are from out of town and they have save the dates, but i just want to make sure they are able to get everything together in time...my dad's fmily especally are known for being very last minute, which isn't going to work out for them in this case.)

HisGirlFriday13

If you haven't sent STDates, I'd put that information on the STDates. If you have, I'd just contact your guests and say, 'Hey, just as a head's-up, the room block expires on X date, so if you want to be guaranteed to get that rate, you need to book early.'

After that, it's on them.

But if neither of those options is available, you can just send the invites early with a note about the room blocks.

stategirl85

Unfortunately we already sent our save the dates. But on our save the dates we included our wedding website address and on the website we have included a statement stating that the block is released early so I am hoping people will actually check the website and make note of this. I still think I might send them out a little earlier... a little bit earlier shouldn't hurt. 

jenniferurs

Almost every checklist I've seen says to send invites 2-3 months out, with the 3 month option being reserved for out of town weddings. So I see nothing wrong with your plan. That's when we sent ours out as well.

melbenso

I actually have the exact same issue.  Resort will release room block 8 weeks before wedding date. Having never planned a wedding before and not knowing etiquette for invites, I didn't realize this could be a problem regarding invitation mailing when I signed the contract. I sent the info with my save the dates, but most of my out of town guests have not booked rooms yet (resort manager sends me an update every once in a while).

I'm sending my invitations out at the three month mark because of this, even though it is contrary to generally accepted etiquette because:
1. Room rates will go up after the block is released
2. It is very likely that the resort will be booked closer to the wedding.
3. The nearest comparable hotels are about a 30 minute drive away.

In my opinion, denying guests the opportunity to book a room in the block under these circumstances by not sending invites out until the exact time the block is released is a bigger etiquette breach than sending invites out a few weeks earlier than generally considered the proper time to do so.  Sending them a month before the block release date (so guests should get them 3-4 weeks before release date - we have some internationally mailed invites too) seemed the best compromise to me.  Enough time for guests to book rooms if they want to, while still trying to limit the amount of gap between when invites go out and when the wedding happens.

mimiphin

I would send them out at that time, sounds fine to me.
I really don't understand the 6-8 week rule. I know for most people if they are booking time off to go out of town you need to know at least 4-5 months in advance.
We arn't doing save-the-dates, FI think's they are a waste of time and paper, We are thinking at the moment of sending our invitations out in late April/early May for our Sept wedding. If we sent them in July/Aug no one would come, they need time to book things off and travel.

nahgem17

I think you need to judge it according to the people you are inviting. Though my own wedding is not OOT, most of the people who are attending will be traveling and need to look at flights and accommodations so I opted to send early so that people could get it on their calendars (I should specify that we are having a very small event and we also skipped doing a save the date). I think the only person who batted an eyelash at our "early" invite was FI's grandmother and it wasn't more than a passing comment before she moved on to saying she liked them. I think you are just fine.

delujm0

mimiphin said:

I would send them out at that time, sounds fine to me.
I really don't understand the 6-8 week rule. I know for most people if they are booking time off to go out of town you need to know at least 4-5 months in advance.
We arn't doing save-the-dates, FI think's they are a waste of time and paper, We are thinking at the moment of sending our invitations out in late April/early May for our Sept wedding. If we sent them in July/Aug no one would come, they need time to book things off and travel.

I think the main issue with sending them so early, especially if travel will be required and STDs were not sent, is that half the time the person will get the invite and put it aside thinking "ok i'll have to figure out if i can go to this and then i'll respond."  and then they lose it, or forget all about responding, and then you have to call them personally to follow up.  Whereas if they were previously aware of the date and location (from a STD for example) they would have likely already booked their travel before the 6-8 week mark, so they would simply open the invitation and immeidately fill out the RSVP and mail it back the next day.

 

it's also a bit risky to send them so early - what if something changes that you can't update on there?  What if your venue burns down?  then you're just going to have to send ANOTHER invite to everyone with updated info on it.  So at that point...it would have made more sense to just send a STD to begin with and an invitation 6 weeks out.

mimiphin

delujm0 said:

mimiphin said:

I would send them out at that time, sounds fine to me.
I really don't understand the 6-8 week rule. I know for most people if they are booking time off to go out of town you need to know at least 4-5 months in advance.
We arn't doing save-the-dates, FI think's they are a waste of time and paper, We are thinking at the moment of sending our invitations out in late April/early May for our Sept wedding. If we sent them in July/Aug no one would come, they need time to book things off and travel.

I think the main issue with sending them so early, especially if travel will be required and STDs were not sent, is that half the time the person will get the invite and put it aside thinking "ok i'll have to figure out if i can go to this and then i'll respond."  and then they lose it, or forget all about responding, and then you have to call them personally to follow up.  Whereas if they were previously aware of the date and location (from a STD for example) they would have likely already booked their travel before the 6-8 week mark, so they would simply open the invitation and immeidately fill out the RSVP and mail it back the next day.

 

it's also a bit risky to send them so early - what if something changes that you can't update on there?  What if your venue burns down?  then you're just going to have to send ANOTHER invite to everyone with updated info on it.  So at that point...it would have made more sense to just send a STD to begin with and an invitation 6 weeks out.

I'm pretty sure if our venue burned down A. Most people would hear about it on the news, and B. The invites are going to be the least of our worries!
I still think it's a stupid rule and I really don't see those being valid issues as to why I would send an invite 2 months before the wedding.

I don't understand the mentality on this site of "Oh my goodness, I would have to call people, like on the phone??!!!???"  I am asuming that the people you invite to weddings you actually like, why the big phone phobia?

hikebikebemerry

I might actually drop this fact on some chatty family members.  They will get the word out, and you can let your friends group know.

Being that all of the weddings I have attended have been OOT, I have always booked sometime between getting the StDs and getting an invitation, especially when I find out that there aren't many hotels in the area/ there is an event in the city.

Edited for clarity.

SP29

I am also in the camp of not understanding where the arbitrary 6-8 weeks has come from. WHY 6-8? 

I understand the issue that people do often put things aside and forget about them, and so many people prefer the 6-8 week mark, which is fine. But I do not think it is against etiquette to send invites out early.

Etiquette is about treating your guests fairly and with respect, in which case I fail to see how it is rude to give your guests more notice about your upcoming wedding.

Myself, I prefer more notice in order to book time off work (and plan my vacation days) and save up money- particularly if it requires an extended drive or flight (as flights get more expensive closer to the date). 

We sent our invites out early, partially because many of our guests were OOT (and would require a flight to attend) and partially because we happened to be going home for a visit/wedding planning (we live OOT from our wedding location) and our families said to bring the family invites with us, so we wanted to mail the invites out at roughly the same time. 

You may have to call guests anyway to follow up, it's not the end of the world. And one's venue could burn down the the day after you mail out your invites at 6 weeks, or the day before the wedding (heaven forbid)- you can't control stuff like that. By the 3 month mark the venue should be settled. 

I'm also not really into STDs. I feel like it's a money grab from the wedding industry who has made us believe we NEED them. Destination wedding, maybe, but you still need a date settled, which means you need a venue settled. Thus you're sending a pre-invite to the invite.... why not just send one invitation at a reasonable time frame depending on your guests? Lots of OOT guests, send a bit earlier than all local guests. Smaller wedding- send later as if the guests are intimate acquaintances you can communicate a lot of the details via word of mouth vs. a large wedding with extended family you may not see lots (send earlier). 

Cookie Pusher

SP29 said:

I'm also not really into STDs. I feel like it's a money grab from the wedding industry who has made us believe we NEED them. Destination wedding, maybe, but you still need a date settled, which means you need a venue settled. Thus you're sending a pre-invite to the invite.... why not just send one invitation at a reasonable time frame depending on your guests? Lots of OOT guests, send a bit earlier than all local guests. Smaller wedding- send later as if the guests are intimate acquaintances you can communicate a lot of the details via word of mouth vs. a large wedding with extended family you may not see lots (send earlier). 

I don't know about other people, but we sent out STDs because our wedding is on a holiday weekend in the summer. So many people make their vacation plans months in advance. We spread by word of mouth as much as we could, but even then people we saw on a regular basis kept forgetting - can't imagine any of our more distant relatives or friends/family with lots of stuff going on would remember. Plus, what was I supposed to do, send invitations out a year in advance to my family in rural China (where it can take up to a year, sometimes longer, to get a visa)? The most reliable way to contact my family back home is by mail. If I'm going to send something to them anyway, why not send something pretty that has all of our relevant information for planning purposes? For you, STDs may not be necessary, but it's a pretty darn good option for some of us.

grumbledore

mimiphin said:

I would send them out at that time, sounds fine to me.
I really don't understand the 6-8 week rule. I know for most people if they are booking time off to go out of town you need to know at least 4-5 months in advance.
We arn't doing save-the-dates, FI think's they are a waste of time and paper, We are thinking at the moment of sending our invitations out in late April/early May for our Sept wedding. If we sent them in July/Aug no one would come, they need time to book things off and travel.

I agree - if I found out about a wedding 5 weeks out (possible if invites sent at 6 weeks), there's about a 50% chance I'd already have plans for that weekend.  I feel like 6 weeks is ridiculous unless everyone already knows the date.

We're a ways out still, but I think we will likely send ours 9 weeks out so that most people receive them by the 8 week mark.  And we are doing save the dates to out of town guests and VIPs in the next few weeks.

I really think the bigger etiquette issue is making sure you have a reasonable RSVP date.  I may send invites at 9 weeks, but our RSVP date will be two weeks out, and I've negotiated with our vendors to change our contracts (prior to signing of course) to make sure that gives me plenty of time to submit numbers.

vmj23

I have the same issue.  We didn't do save the dates and my venue releases the rooms to the public 60 days before our wedding date.   It's a small Inn with limited room already and while I do not think many people are going to need to stay, I don't want them to risk not having a room available for them.  I am sending mine out close to 3 months before the wedding.   We didn't do save the date's and i do not have a wedding website.   

JellyBean52513

SP29 said:

I'm also not really into STDs. I feel like it's a money grab from the wedding industry who has made us believe we NEED them. Destination wedding, maybe, but you still need a date settled, which means you need a venue settled. Thus you're sending a pre-invite to the invite.... why not just send one invitation at a reasonable time frame depending on your guests? Lots of OOT guests, send a bit earlier than all local guests. Smaller wedding- send later as if the guests are intimate acquaintances you can communicate a lot of the details via word of mouth vs. a large wedding with extended family you may not see lots (send earlier). 

I'm not that into STDs because I'd like to save money where I don't NEED to spend it, but my SO and I have discussed where our wedding would be and it's going to be OOT/"destination" for pretty much every guest. A STD with a "See you in (city)!" on it will give everyone a head's up that it's going to be far away, and they can have the time between the STD and the invite to figure out their plans. I'd personally appreciate the advanced notice so I can get myself in order, so I plan to do the same for my guests.

KRD2014

we did our STD very informally online at 10 months and our destination wedding invites went out 5 months before the wedding. i read several articles that said a year out was a good idea, a few that said 6 months, and a few that said 3 months. i know for me, i would need more than 3 months when saving for a trip that involves airfare, so we split the difference and aimed for 6 months with the invites. we had people asking us even before that what the deal would be with rooms and location and all that, so even at 6 months we felt like we were lagging. i feel like the 6-8 week rule applies to local weddings with mostly local guests.