My fiance doesn't want to send STDs - Advice?

beckya1983

We are getting married in October and have guests coming from ALL OVER, multiple states, and even other countries.  I thought it would be a great idea to do save the dates to give people plenty of time to plan, and also to send a nice picture of ourselves to some friends and family that have not met our significant other yet (doing the photo postcard save the date).  We took engagement photos, I ordered the STD cards, and I even bought the stamps. I'm just waiting for the cards to come in.  But my fiance is resistant to sending these out!  He keeps saying "what is the point of STDs really?" and I keep telling them that of course they are not required, but I just thought it would be a nice thing to do, so our friends and family could stick the postcard on their fridge or whatever as a reminder, and it's a cute card with our cute picture on it!  He will respond "ok fine fine" but then trying to get him to give me addresses is like pulling teeth.

He lived in England for a few years when he was in grad school and a lot of his friends are there, so he says people in the UK "won't understand" the point of the STD or why we are sending it.  Which is funny because people potentially traveling that far are EXACTLY who they are intended for.  And when I bring up sending it to his relatives he just groans and goes "do they really need that?"

Is my fiance crazy?  Should I keep nagging him for the addresses? I thought about just dropping it and sending them to my guests only, but I already spent money on the cards so that is kind of a waste. Also if anyone is familiar with customs in the UK, do you think that UK people would think they are weird? Or are they totally done over there as well?  

AddieCake

I wouldn't nag him any more about it. it's not your fault if he won't get addresses for you, but you need to make it clear he needs to get these addresses come invitation time.

HisGirlFriday13

My friend and his wife, who live in Scotland, are familiar with STDates (I sent them one for our wedding). If your FI doesn't want to send them to his family/friends, that's fine. Send them to yours. But you might want to remind him that international travel is expensive, and people generally LIKE getting advance notice of things like weddings so they can appropriately plan, financially and in terms of vacation, for attending if they want to. Also, please remember that anyone who gets a STDate must get an invite, so be careful in sending them out; if you have to cut the list later, you can't cut anyone who got an STDate.

nebullama

I think that even if someone had never seen a STDate before it wouldn't take a whole lot for them to figure out what they are for, especially if the wedding is overseas.

Please save the date for the wedding of
beckya1983 and beckya1983's FI
Date
City, State
Formal invitation to follow

I mean, that's assuming you used similar wording, but it seems pretty clear really. No big mystery.

cbabybear

I agree with @HisGirlFriday13

[Deleted User]

Did you tell him that by sending the STD the guests get more time to plan for trip if they are traveling by putting in for time off from work, book airfare at a good rate & also save up for the expense of trip. Maybe he will get it more when pointing out the financial aspect of it.

Maggie0829

Erikan73 said:

Did you tell him that by sending the STD the guests get more time to plan for trip if they are traveling by putting in for time off from work, book airfare at a good rate & also save up for the expense of trip. Maybe he will get it more when pointing out the financial aspect of it.

A STD isn't necessary to allow for this to happen. A simple catch-up phone call or catch-up email where you tell those family members the date of your wedding can do the same thing.

OP, if your FI doesn't want to send STDs to his family/friends then that is fine.  Send them to the people on your side.  

photokitty

Maybe he isn't sure who he wants to invite for sure?? Once you send a STD you must send an invite.

Just send them to the folks you are certain you will invite on your side

wandajune6

We're doing STDs largely because of international guests. With family in Japan and England (plus all over the US), we wanted to give people as much notice as possible to plan a trip. We know that not everyone will be able to make the trip but wanted to give those interested enough time to budget for it.

tammym1001

I would send them to your friends and family and let him know you will send it to his family if he gives you addresses. If he doesn't give you addresses and his family and friends can't make it because they didn't have enough notice then he will have less people there and he will just have to deal with it. 

beckya1983

Thanks for all the replies!  Yes, his response to the whole financial/planning aspect of it is Maggie0829's, that his friends and family will know about the wedding and the date because he has told them.  I still think it's nice because I know I do not memorize the dates of other people's weddings and having a card sticking on my fridge for instance is a help.  Anyway, he has provided me with some of the addresses now, and I will just not worry about the ones that he hasn't (until I need to send actual invites).  And I definitely will make sure my STD list and actual-invite list are the same!  Thanks!