Guest's Husband Can't Come ...

GoldenAurora85

One of my guests contacted me to say that her husband won't be able to make it to our wedding and could she bring her BFF instead "who will be driving." My fiancé is more lenient in this and is of the mindset that we would've been paying for her husband anyway so it doesn't matter, but I don't really want people we don't know at our wedding. On the other hand, she will have a 2-2.5 hour drive and I'm not yet sure how many people will be there that she will know. What would you do?

doeydo

Invitations are not exchangeable like concert tickets or something.  I would let her know that you are sorry, but the invitation was only meant for her and her husband.

MobKaz

I am not a fan of guests putting the host on the spot. It was rude of her to ask in the first place. Having said that, however, making that length of a drive solo, particularly the return trip, would be a tough sell. You clearly invited her for a reason. I would favor your FI's mindset in this case.

 We invited a divorced gal/guest and an elderly couple to DD's wedding. They knew each other. The divorced gal declined attendance for personal reasons. The elderly couple accepted. On the day of the wedding, the elderly gentleman fell ill. I don't know exactly how things transpired, but the divorced gal ended up attending as the "other half" of the elderly gal. In the big scheme of things, it really wasn't a big deal. If you have the flexibility, I would offer it in your case.

Jen4948

doeydo said:

Invitations are not exchangeable like concert tickets or something.  I would let her know that you are sorry, but the invitation was only meant for her and her husband.

Exactly.  The fact that one of the two actually invited cannot attend does not mean that the other person can bring a guest of their choice without your permission and should never even assume it's okay.  She had no business asking you this.

JoanE2012

GoldenAurora85 said:

One of my guests contacted me to say that her husband won't be able to make it to our wedding and could she bring her BFF instead "who will be driving." My fiancé is more lenient in this and is of the mindset that we would've been paying for her husband anyway so it doesn't matter, but I don't really want people we don't know at our wedding. On the other hand, she will have a 2-2.5 hour drive and I'm not yet sure how many people will be there that she will know. What would you do?

Ehhh, I wouldn't mind, especially when the guest is traveling some distance and may not know many people.   

I wasn't concerned with knowing every single guest at our wedding either.  It was more important to me that the guests we do know had a wonderful time.  And if that meant their guest was someone that we didn't know, then that was fine by us.  It's (usually) always easier to enjoy an event when you're with someone you know.  I remember going alone to events.  It sucks.  

And it's sad, but if I already RSVP'd and my DH couldn't make it, I'd probably make up an excuse for why we both could no longer come, because I would never ask if I could bring someone else.  Yet I would never have wanted our guests to do that.....I would want them to just let me know the situation and bring someone else.

lyndausvi

2.5 hour drive?  I would not have cared one bit.  Heck even if it's wasn't a 2.5 hour drive I would not have cared.    Especially, if the numbers were in anyway and/or she doesn't really know many other people.

I guess you can tell her no, it's not exchangeable, but the comfort of my guests (especially with such a long drive) would be more important to me than the fact I didn't know the other person.

[Deleted User]

That's a long drive and it sounds like she doesn't feel comfortable doing it herself. Also since your not sure how many people she will actually know at your wedding (I'm assuming you meant the invited guest) it would be nice to allow her to bring her bff so she will know at least one person at your wedding making the experience more enjoyable for her. It won't matter how fabulous your wedding is, if she doesn't have someone she knows to talk to, she is not going to have a fun time.

Maggie0829

I actually wouldn't mind at all.  I am someone who hates going to events alone so if my SO couldn't make it then I would either decline the entire thing or ask if I could bring someone else.  I know that isn't appropriate but whatever.  It never hurts to ask a question and the person you ask can simply say no.  But honestly, the comfort of your guests should come first and I doubt you will even be aware of this person you don't know after a quick "thanks for coming."

This person sounds like she really wants to go to your wedding, but between the long drive and her not really knowing anyone there it is pretty reasonable that she wants to bring someone with her since her H can't make it.  I would just let her bring her friend and be happy that she is able to come to your wedding.

emmyg65

We had a guest ask this, and she wanted to swap in a person I don't particularly like. But I knew that she'd be more comfortable and have more fun if she brought a guest, and with the number of people we invited (100), I'd hardly even notice.

Your within etiquette to tell her she can't bring a different person, but really, it's not a big deal for you and it probably makes a big difference for her.

RedJacks25

I wouldn't mind. There will actually be a good number of people at our wedding that I've never met (FI's extended family who live on the other side of the country, long-lost friends of his who he insists on inviting). If it will make your guest happy, why not? You budgeted for two of them; it's not going to put you out at all.

AddieCake

I'm with you husband. This kind of substitution wouldn't bother me a bit.

mysticl

I invited a very good friend of mine and her husband and children to our wedding.  The husband and kids couldn't make it so her sister met her in the city where our wedding was.  I had no problem with her sister attending and this way my friend got to spend the weekend with her sister, something that doesn't happen very often.  I will say I know the sister better than the husband but not so well that I would have extended her an invitation of her own (and neither would she have expected me to).