DH's grandmother called him last night

CMGragain

It might help your DH to understand why his aunt is supporting Granny.  Normally, NPDs are worse to their daughters than to the men in the family.  They are very manipulative.  My own mother was a classic NPD, and I sent a copy of this book to several family members.  It really helped them understand the abuse they had been living with.  My own mother's specialty was gaslighting me.
One of the reasons I married my husband was that he offered me a home 1100 miles away from mother. I always protected my children from her. The book encourages people to set limits and to distance themselves from the NPD family member, so you have the right idea.
NPDs are not capable of apologizing for anything.  They cannot admit to themselves that they made a mistake. 

HisGirlFriday13

Oh, I'm definitely going to check out the book, just more for DH than for me. Thanks for the recommendation!

Granny has always been worse to the daughter, but the daughter is good at distancing herself (usually). Case in point: Granny wants to have her knee replaced. She can't (read physically can't because we live on the second floor and can't because I won't allow it) stay with us to recover.

She wants to stay with Aunt, but Aunt flat out said, 'When you had your other knee replaced you stayed with me and you stressed me out so much I had to go on blood pressure medication for six months to get over it. You're not staying with me again ever!'

So now granny is (or was last I heard) bemoaning that her ungrateful kids and grandkids won't care for her in her hour of need and aren't they terrible and awful and isn't she the figure of sympthy?

Meanwhile, she is 86, almost 87, in poor health, and a horrible candidate for the surgery EVEN IF any of us would take care of her after it was over.

Because of course it's not her fault. Ever.

CMGragain

It was very hard for me to be with Mother as she lay dying.  I saw her embrace her nurses, cleaning lady, cafeteria workers, telling them how much she loved them  I saw them cry real tears for her.  I kept hoping that she would tell me that she loved me, or thank me for being with her at the end.  Nope.  Not one word of affection. Nada.

HisGirlFriday13

I'm so sorry, @CMGragain. DH's grandmother is the same way -- sweet as pie to everyone else, mean as the devil to her family.