After reading through other posts on here I am hoping for some honest advice on an ongoing issue I have been having with my FMIL about the guest list. This may get wordy so please bear with me...
My guy and I got engaged in April 2013, and around May I asked for an initial guest list so I could get an idea of the number of people his mom and dad would like to be invited. I was brushed off and told that I didn't need that information that soon. I eventually got a list after my soon to be sister-in-law, sent the list from her wedding to the FMIL.
When we got the list, it had almost enough people to fill out what my guy and I had anticipated the guest list being in total, especially considering the maximum capacity at our ceremony location. At that time, my guy and I asked his parents to cut some people off of their list to try and get the number closer to what we had in mind. Trying to get her to remove any names was a fight and she would tell us the same names every time, even though she had said initially they could be taken off. Then she did remove some names, only to add more in place of them.
At that point we gave his parents a number of guests, as well as a date we needed the list by, because I needed to purchase the materials for invitations. She initially would not give us the list and told my guy that they wanted to talk to us when they were in town next. We ended up getting the list from her by the deadline only because we finally got across to her that the materials needed to be purchased. However, not even 2 weeks later, as I am in the process of making the invitations and ensuring that the numbers did work for our locations, I got an email from her saying that more people needed to be invited.
She finally called me, and I explained the capacity issue (not for the first time), and we finally reached an agreement to invite some of their friends to just the reception (I had been trying to avoid that scenario by asking them to remove people from their list). However not even 2 days after that conversation I got an email saying that the agreement we reached wouldn't work. My fiance talked to his parents about it and they ended up getting all of their friends included at the ceremony at the expense of my guys, and my, friends.
After that situation, my fiance told his mom that she needed to talk to me, and only me, about anything related to the guest list. She has not done so. She calls him and asks about getting more people invited, or says that because so-and-so is not going to be coming (we haven't received an rsvp from so-and-so) we should invite another of her friends. During that time, which was around 2 months, she never once contacted me about any of those issues.
Do any of you have advice on ways to approach this? I have reached a point where I do not want to talk to her at all since I feel she is not listening to what I have said. My fiance and I are both extremely upset about this and I would like to salvage the relationship somehow.