NWR Anxiety problems

kns1988

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, but I think I just need to talk... My social anxiety is coming back to haunt me.  I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds for 11 years to treat debilitating anxiety and moderate depression.  6 months ago, my psychiatrist helped to wean me off of the meds and I've been medication free since then.  It was awesome and empowering because I never thought I could function without them, and I've been doing really well since then.  Within the past few weeks, though, I'm noticing the anxiety in a way that I haven't noticed it in a long time.  I can have a great evening with friends, but then I analyze everything I said and convince myself that no one likes me and I'm a terrible person.  I'll feel completely confident and secure one minute, and then be a mess of tears the next because I don't like who I am in that moment.  I know my friends and fiance are starting to notice the paranoia.  It's hard to explain... I don't want to go back on medication, but something needs to change.  Maybe more exercise or spring will help... this isn't the same level of panic that caused me to go on the meds in the first place, but it is scaring me that I might never fully escape the grip of mental illness. 

JCbride2015

I can sympathize.  I have generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD.  My anxiety is more turned inwards though: I don't worry about what other people think of me, but I'm extremely hard on myself. An A- or B+ on an exam will send me into a tailspin of rehashing every question and answer for days.  The PTSD is the scary part because it's new, and I see how it affects my relationship with Fi.  I get extremely emotional and irritable for stupid reasons.  And I know, logically, I should not be so upset and I'll even know it's the PTSD talking-- but I still feel just as anxious.

Are you still in talk therapy?  Maybe counseling will help you stay off the meds.

And at least for me, exercise is super effective to keep my internal criticism at bay.  It's great to feel powerful at least physically, and when I'm in the middle of a gym session or a run, I don't have a lot of energy to keep the internal monologue going.  I find that it really helps.

singinchick13

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I've suffered high anxiety practically my whole life, and was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder about three years ago. The circumstances that led to my diagnosis were indeed very severe, and I have since been weaned to a medication with few side effects that allows me to still have energy and personality, which the initial ones did not. I see my psychiatrist every few months or so and things are going well for me. It is not ideal for me to take medication every day, but the longer I stay on it the more I increase my chance of never having an episode again when I do discontinue use.

I don't think going back on meds should be your first solution, but definitely talk to your psychiatrist and see if he/she can suggest alternate methods of coping. Exercise is a good one, sleep, and giving yourself something productive to focus on. Talking out your thoughts with someone else is helpful too, so I hope your FI is someone you can lean on and open up to in times like this. If you try all of these methods (avoid caffeine as well or other stimulants/depressants) and you are still having problems, then you may want to have a more serious look at medication, even at a low dose, as a temporary solution. There is no shame in taking medication prescribed by your doctor, remember that your health is what is most important.

mysticl

Has anything major changed in your life lately?  I used to have anxiety issues (medication helped a ton) but when I went through a major life change the anxiety all but disappeared.  So did something maybe happen to bring it back?

I agree about spring and exercise.  I personally find walking near a body of water does wonders for my mental health.  

kns1988

Nothing has changed recently, but I've been more stressed at work and preparing for a 4 month separation from my FI (he works in a different state seasonally - this will be our last long distance season).  I'm sure that's contributing.  I also haven't been in therapy for over a year, so I might need to go back.  Thanks for the replies.  As much as I hate that other people go through this, it feels good not to be the only one.

mysticl

kns1988 said:

Nothing has changed recently, but I've been more stressed at work and preparing for a 4 month separation from my FI (he works in a different state seasonally - this will be our last long distance season).  I'm sure that's contributing.  I also haven't been in therapy for over a year, so I might need to go back.  Thanks for the replies.  As much as I hate that other people go through this, it feels good not to be the only one.

Those do sound like triggers.  It may be time to try talk therapy again.  

emmyg65

It sounds like you need to go back to therapy. I've been off medication for five years, and even though my coping mechanisms are strong, I still need to go back every now and then. Think of it like a tune up for a car. Definitely do make time for exercise and whatever else you do to relax. I've found that baths and gentle yoga are helpful for me.

Also, remember that you know the truth: Your friends do like you. One of the most frustrating things about social anxiety and depression is that they rewire your brain to perceive things incorrectly. Try to keep your self-talk positive and don't run yourself down too much in your head. Easier said than done, I know.

CMGragain

Why are so against going back on medication?  I have been on anti-depressants since 1988.  I don't mind depending on them because I don't ever want to go back to the severe depression episodes I used to experience.  It's no different than a diabetic being dependent on their insulin.  I thank God every day for modern medical science!

kns1988

CMGragain - It was a very personal choice for me to go off of them.  I started to feel a lack of control in having to depend on an external stimulus to dictate my moods, and I think I was put on them at too young of an age to really have had the chance to sort my emotions out on my own.  I absolutely don't judge anyone for taking medication, but I'd really like to take a stab at living without it.

CMGragain

That is fine, IF it works for you.  It sounds like it doesn't.
Mental illness is no different from physical illness.  Psychiatry has come a long way since Freud.  Most doctors today believe that illnesses are due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, not a therapy issue.  Depression (severe) is inherited in my family.  My son has it, my daughter does not.  My late father had it before modern medication.  It is nobody's fault.
You sound like you think that going without medication is a triumph.  Well, only if that works.  If you are feeling bad, maybe you should try the meds again.
Before my meds, I tried therapy and prayer.  Some days, I was afraid to go into my own kitchen because there were sharp knives there, and I was afraid that I might hurt myself.  As long as I see my doctor once a year and take my meds on schedule, that fear is gone.  Free at last.
Please keep your options open.  Lots of people have to take medications for different issues, especially older people, like me.  There is no shame in that.

PS. My son decided to go off his meds his Junior year of college.  He failed every single class.  We didn't know until the report came.  He thought he would like to try life without the medication, and he found out it wasn't good.  He is on more than I am, and his side effects are more pronounced.  He finally graduated (after re-taking all those classes), and is currently working in a very high paying job as a computer software engineer.  Yes, they know he takes meds.

kns1988

Thank you.  I really appreciate the thoughtful reply, and I will definitely keep meds open as an option if it gets to be too much. 

CMGragain

Thought and prayers, dear.  I've been there.

firebabe6519

Exercise and music are two things that help me when I start to get into a tailspin. I also suffer from depression and anxiety disorders. Sometimes just allowing the music to take me away is all that helps.

Best of luck as you work through this! Lots of T&PS!

CMGragain

firebabe6519 said:

Exercise and music are two things that help me when I start to get into a tailspin. I also suffer from depression and anxiety disorders. Sometimes just allowing the music to take me away is all that helps. Best of luck as you work through this! Lots of T&PS!

Yeah, if I'm hearing Rachmaninoff in my head, I know I'm in trouble.  If it's Mozart, all is well.

FiancB

I'm thinking I'm having problems with anxiety as well. I haven't ever sought help for that, but I have been on antidepressants. I didn't like how they made me feel and I wasn't on them for long, and for the most part have been doing great the last few years but as of late I feel it creeping back with a pinch of extra anxiety for good measure. I'm thinking about seeking counseling but would like to hold out until I'm on FI's insurance when we get married late June.

So, I feel you. I agree anything that stops the inner monologue is helpful. Sitting and thinking is not good for me.